“If Evette leaves me, maybe I’ll move down here and start my own practice,” she said dryly.
Verity looked up, mid–pom-pom, her expression quizzical. “Mama, what’s pimping?”
34
Star had gone to bed on Saturday night floating on a cloud of romance and possibilities but had woken early Sunday morning knowing that before she let this go any further, she had to be straight with Duncan. She liked him. A lot. But her commitment to Simone came first, and she knew it wasn’t a straightforward thing for a potential boyfriend to have to accept that his would-be girlfriend might be about to become pregnant with her sister’s baby. She wouldn’t blame him if he couldn’t hack it, but equally, she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t respect her decisions with regards to her own body.
She had called him early and asked him to meet her in the tree house because there was something she needed to tell him. And now she waited, sitting among the piles of cushions and warm throws she’d hauled up into her old hideaway in the trees.
The weather was bright and cold and her old china tea set, now Verity’s, was covered in a sheen of condensation. The woodland had frosted to a crisp that crunched underfoot and sparkled in the dappled shards of winter sun. In this frozen otherworld, sugar-dusted thorns lost their menace and the diamond-clustered rowan berries made fitting jewels for a snow queen.
“Dear Universe,” she prayed, her entreaties carried in a cloud of her breath, “I don’t often ask to have my cake and eat it, but please, if there is a way I could have Simone’s baby and keep Duncan, that would be great!”
She pulled a blanket around her like a cape and leaned her back against the solid tree house wall while she waited for Duncan. This place had always been her escape; she felt safe within the organic structure, ensconced in nature, which was why she had suggested meeting here.
She smiled when his head appeared at the bottom of the doorway and waited as he scaled the last few rungs and clambered into the tree house.
“Thanks for meeting me,” she said, tugging the sherpa blanket tighter. “Pull up a cushion and help yourself to a blanket.”
Duncan did as he was told.
They took up position on cushions opposite each other. Star produced a fresh dressing and bandage from the first aid kit she’d brought with her. “Here,” she said, motioning to his hand. “Let me change the dressing while we talk.”
He gulped but held out his hand. “All right, hit me with it. What do you need to tell me?” His eyes scrunched tightly closed as she unwrapped the bandage.
Suddenly this was much harder than she’d expected. Her stomach wound into knots as she tried to find her words.
“I have offered to be a surrogate for Simone and Evette’s baby.”
She watched Duncan’s face for his reaction, but his eyes stayed tightly shut. A moment later, the words having finally registered, he opened his eyes and looked at her.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I have offered them my services as a surrogate mother so that they can have a baby. Simone has been trying for a baby and it hasn’t worked, and she’s sad and desperate, so I said I would help her.” She blurted it all out, watching the micro changes in Duncan’s expression as he absorbed each nugget of quick-fired information.
“Surrogacy.”
“Yes.”
“How would that . . . ?”
She knew what he was getting at. “Simone has embryos already frozen, and they would be placed in my uterus. No sex involved.”
“But you would be pregnant with somebody else’s baby.”
“Yes.”
“I thought you said you were ambivalent when it came to having children.”
“I am, for myself.”
“But you’ll have one for your sister.”
“It won’t be mine.”
Duncan was quiet, thoughtful. As the minutes ticked by, Star began to feel an unpleasant sinking feeling. She finished dressing his hand and he held it to his chest.
“It’s a lot to take in,” he said finally.
“I know. That’s why I’m telling you now. I really like you, Duncan. I want nothing more than to see where our attraction takes us. But if Simone asks me, I have to do this.”
“I get that. I do. And I commend you for it. I just don’t know if this is the way I want to start a relationship. I know it sounds selfish, but we’ve barely begun to know one another, and this will impact how we get to know one another. Instead of sexy weekends away, I’ll be rubbing your swollen ankles. The baby inside you will become the priority over everything else, and rightly so.”
“We can still have sexy weekends away,” she said lamely.
He looked pained. “But you’ll be pregnant, and it won’t even be my baby. Oh god, I’m sorry, I know I sound like a dick. You’ve thrown me a curveball with this one. I’ve watched my four sisters go through twelve pregnancies between them. I am fully aware how impactful carrying a child can be.” He looked down at his hands. “You are clearly committed to this, and it only makes me admire you even more. But I don’t know if I can commit to it.”
Even though she had known that this might be the outcome, it didn’t stop her from feeling like she’d dropped through the floor and hit every branch on the way down.
“I understand,” she said. There was no sunshine in her voice today.
“I think I need a little time to wrap my head around it all, if that’s all right.” Duncan looked at her pleadingly.
“That’s fair.”
“For the record, I really like you too.” He rubbed his hand over his head and sighed. “I need to go; my sister will kill me if I’m not there to help with the gravy. Gravy’s a big deal in my family.” His words were light-hearted, but they sounded flat.
“It’s an important component.” She forced a smile.
Duncan folded the blanket neatly and laid it on top of the cushion he’d been sitting on. Then he bent and kissed Star softly on the lips, lingering just long enough to make her ache with longing. It felt so much like a goodbye that it took all of her willpower not to reach for him and beg him not to leave.
“I’ll see you at the shop tomorrow,” he said as he began to climb back down the ladder.
“See you tomorrow,” she echoed.
Duncan would remain her friend, there was no doubt about that—he was too nice a guy not to—but she may have lost the promise of something lovely with him. The disappointment made her want to press her face into the cushions and howl. She had been so tantalizingly close, like warming your face on sunbeams pouring through a window only for someone to come along and pull the curtains shut.
But even as she watched him stride away and felt the tears prickle at her eyes, she couldn’t regret the choice she had made. This was her chosen path, an integral part of her life’s journey and all the roads she’d trodden up to now had been leading her to it, guiding her toward the time when she would help her sister to become a mother.
35
On Monday afternoon, Belinda’s festival friend came through and the marquee took its place on Holy Trinity Green. There were a fair number of rips in the PVC that had been fixed with duct tape—many times over, by the looks of it—but it was free and they were in no position to be picky.