Half said to go to protect everyone, and the other half told her to give Ingram a chance to change her mind.
“Ingram,” Emerie whispered, as she kept her stare fixed on the tiny flame, letting it entrance her.
The length of his beak was plopped on top of her head, and she wasn’t sure what he was thinking about or even looking towards. At least his strong arms around her felt warm and comforting, and his tail wrapped around her knee was kind of endearing. She needed this hug.
“How much do you want Aleron back?”
His tail tightened on her. “More than anything.”
“And you want to make the world safer for him before that, right?”
“Yes,” he answered firmly. “I want to bring Aleron back into a world where I will not lose him again.”
Emerie took in a deep, strengthening breath. “Would… you do anything to make that happen?”
“Absolutely. Even if it means my own life.”
Okay… that isn’t a good sign.
She swallowed thickly, then lowered her voice even further. “Would you sacrifice anyone and everyone for that?”
“Yes,” he grated, squeezing her waist. She was just about to drop her head when he added, “Except you.”
“Pardon?” she rasped, glancing up and twisting to look over her shoulder.
“I… do not want to lose you. I do not want you to come with us, Emerie,” he admitted. “The other females… they can come back, you cannot. I want you to stay where it is safe.” Then he looked down at her with his orchid-coloured orbs and dipped his knuckles into her hair so he could brush it forward with his claws. “I want you to wait for me.”
This should have elated her. This should have been enough for her to sit her arse down and stay here until he came back.
But that was the problem: until he came back.
If he didn’t want to perish alongside Jabez, Ingram needed to stay behind. There was no way in the world he would be able to control his thoughts and run from the blast. Hell, he was likely to run headfirst into the big shiny ball of whatever the hell was going to come from the stone once it shattered.
“I feel like it is selfish of me,” Ingram weirdly confessed. “I do not understand what I feel or why, but I feel it in here.”
He placed a claw tip to her chest, right where her heart was. Well, where it would have been if he didn’t place it against the wrong side.
But… his orbs have never turned pink like the other Duskwalkers’ do when they look at their brides. And it wasn’t hard to guess what the colour signified.
Whatever Ingram felt, it obviously wasn’t love.
She’d been hoping he would eventually shine that bright flamingo pink at her. He never had.
Maybe he didn’t have enough humanity to understand what the emotion meant, or how to feel it. He could have lost all capabilities to do so when Aleron disappeared.
Who knew? Not Emerie, that was for sure.
She was aware her next question was unfair on him, but she asked it anyway. She needed to assuage her own thoughts and feelings, so she could make up her mind with unwavering conviction.
“If you had to choose between us, Ingram, could only choose one of us, would it be me or Aleron?”
His orbs flashed white, before darkening into a blue. “Neither.”
“Say you had to–”
“Neither, Emerie.” His tone sharpened. “I am not me without Aleron, but I also don’t want to be without you. I cannot choose.”
Emerie gave him a weak smile, as she lifted up and turned around to slip her arms around his thick and muscled neck. “Okay, Ingram.”
She hid her pain behind the hug, burying her face against his scales.
If he could not pick, and he could not be the one to take on the Demon King, then it had to be Emerie. He’d already said he wanted his twin back more than anything, would sacrifice anything and anyone – except her.
Unfortunately, if she decided to stay here, she would be in the way of that. What if he learned of it and ended up resenting her?
He could find another human to be his bride, but no one could replace his twin. Whatever he felt for her, he would get over it. It would wane over time. Just as Orpheus had eventually gotten over all the offerings that had been given to him before Reia.
Someone would replace her.
Someone beautiful, and perfect, and not missing chunks from them. Hopefully by that stage, Ingram would have gained more humanity and taken everything he’d learned from her and applied it to them.
If she could help him in that way, it would be worth it.
Emerie stifled her sadness and sorrow and gave herself a relieved smile. She had her answer, and she could now move ahead, steadfast in her decision. It made knowing what would happen tomorrow… easier.
She adoringly petted the back of his smooth, white skull. Still, this day is for me.
Even if it was selfish and self-absorbed, she would do what she wanted, and no one could tell her otherwise. No one had the right to, not with the sacrifices she was about to make.
And today wasn’t over yet.
Emerie brushed her lips over the soft scales of Ingram’s neck, then drew back from their hug to slowly traverse them up to the corner of his jaw. Her lips curled slightly when his body puffed in reaction to the lightness of her mouth.
She continued her caresses over the side of his beak, seeing if she could get him to open it.
Instigating a passionate kiss with someone who didn’t have lips was a challenge. She couldn’t just hungrily lock their mouths together.
He gave her room to do as she pleased, even as she trailed to the very tip. Then she pecked it. Still, he didn’t open up for her. Instead, he cupped the back of her head and drifted his own back.
“What is wrong, Emerie?” he asked, his orbs morphing to blue. “You have not been yourself today.”
“Nothing is wrong,” she lied, and even she thought her tone was convincing. Having a steady resolve could do that to a person.
He bumped the side of his beak against her temple. “As much as I have enjoyed it, you do not usually… cling to me like today.”
She returned his nuzzle with more flutters of her mouth. “I just wanted to spend time with you.”
“You have not been the same since meeting with the Witch Owl. She looked at you strangely yesterday.”
Emerie knew he meant when they had been at Delora and Magnar’s home, as he was not aware of her midnight chat with the woman. She was sure Mayumi had told everyone else today while Emerie was with him.
She leaned back in the security of his arms, folded her own across her chest, and pouted. “Do you want to kiss or not?”
He quickly closed the space between them to lash at her lips with his long tongue. “Always I want to kiss,” he grated.
“Good boy,” she praised, as she drew her tongue up his when he licked her a second time. His hands gripped harder.
She unfurled her arms and cupped the corners of his jaw to keep herself steady. Rather than fighting his tongue, she welcomed it into the crevice of her mouth, and moaned at the indulgent taste of burnt sugar and hickory bark.
It was intoxicating, making her mouth water.
Balancing her knees on his thighs, she lifted up slightly to meet him. She let him play with her tongue, her teeth, the bumpy roof of her mouth. His body was against her, and she pushed any thoughts of worry, any fears, to the back of her mind so she could focus on just this moment with him.