She didn’t feel the need to check over her shoulder when she pulled her pants and shirt off, knowing Ingram wouldn’t break his promise and peek like a creepy jerk.
Scooping water into her hands, she washed her legs, trying her hardest to ignore her light skin and the pale scarring. It became harder as she washed between her stomach and side, then just underneath her breasts, where more skin had deformed.
Fresh tears sprung when she scooped water over her right breast, brushing her pink nipple, only for them to fall when she did the same to the other that looked completely different. Her areola was white, the nipple itself pale and smaller. The side of her breast was concaved with scarring, making it no longer appear or feel round and soft.
She hoped her sobbing couldn’t be heard by Ingram, but she couldn’t help it as she cleaned her shoulder, only to grip her biceps right where her scarring stopped.
Her shoulder and chest were the worst.
They were where she first landed in the burning puddle from the oil lamp. The rest of her had just been the straw and dry grass easily becoming alight around the worst of it, along with her clothes catching fire. Throwing a blanket over her had stopped the flames, but the material had stuck to her melted skin – requiring additional skin to be cut away.
Not wanting to be exposed for much longer, she quickly finished washing. She wished her conversation with Ingram hadn’t made her mind linger on these when she usually pretended they didn’t exist as she bathed.
However, once she was dressed again, managing to find a clean pair of underwear for underneath her dirty guild clothing, she sat at the shoreline. She brought her knees up, hugged them, and just gave herself a few minutes to let how she felt out.
How is anyone meant to love me like this? She was covered in more wounds, like Demon claws on most of her limbs, sword slashes from bandits, her knees and elbows scraped from countless falls during training.
Emerie was a map of scars, to the extent that not even her hands and feet were spared.
I don’t want to let Ingram see what I really look like… What if he hates it? She bit at her bottom lip until she feared it’d bleed. He called me a pretty butterfly – what if he stopped? Gosh! She thought one had sprung up in her chest when he’d said that, only for it to wither and die inside her.
He’s the first ‘guy’ to compliment me in so long. She squeezed her legs tighter. What if… what if I only like him because of it?
Oh god, I’m so pathetic. A quiet sob broke out of her like a whimper. Do I want someone to love me so badly that I don’t care who or what they are? That they’ve hurt me and tried to eat me?
Emerie didn’t want her feelings towards the Duskwalker to be so shallow. She wanted them to be real, rather than a dark twist of perversion because her mind and heart desired to no longer be alone.
Which is why she couldn’t trust herself.
I only dated Bryce because… because he was nice to me.
He’d given her attention and had been the one to ask her out. He’d never once complimented her, but she thought his soft touches to the unmarred side of her face were his way of showing it. Yet, he never snaked his hand up her shirt after the first time, never asked her to take it off. It was only ever her freaking pants.
And Jason… She’d been much younger when she’d dated him. Na?ve, stupid, and hopeful. Only to find out he took advantage of her because she was lonely, and because she didn’t have a womb for him to impregnate.
Not like his wife… one she hadn’t known he had until her friends found out about their relationship and told her.
Apparently, many people within the guild had known, but Emerie hadn’t. It was why he’d kept their relationship a secret, and made her promise not to tell anyone, not even her friends. He’d just wanted someone to ease his dick while he was away from his wife, and Emerie had been like an injured baby deer, an easy target for a bit of sport hunting.
She’d been used. She hated that she’d been part of such a horrible betrayal to another woman.
But before that, there had been Declan. The first person she’d been in love with and had hoped to marry before that fateful and terrible night.
Right when she needed someone the most, he said he just couldn’t do it. That he couldn’t handle seeing her wounds, her pain, and that he shouldn’t have to suffer anymore. Well… he didn’t actually tell her that while she’d been bedbound and bandaged in the hospital, instead cowardly telling her friends at the time so they could inform Emerie.
It was no surprise she was the way she was. Her history had shaped her into something broken when it came to love and her body.
The only thing that had saved her was she’d enjoyed being a Demonslayer and did have some really good friends back in Zagros Fortress.
Friends she’d abandoned without saying goodbye to, just so she could do the right thing.
I never thought I’d be in this position. Why did Ingram have to be so benevolent and endearing? If I hadn’t jerked him off… he may not have tried to pursue anything with me.
That whole incident right after they’d escaped Zagros Fortress was just a blur of panic.
If it had never happened, her romantic feelings may have been more like her affection towards an overgrown dog, rather than a person she wanted to touch her. She assumed it would have been different. Or maybe it wouldn’t have. She may have felt her heart and pussy flutter for him regardless, but at least it would have been easier to ignore if he didn’t try to make them happen.
If he wasn’t seeking… more.
Emerie pushed back the left sleeve of her uniform so she could examine the bracelet at her wrist. This was her one and only precious possession, given to her by her parents and Gideon. She stroked the beads, and the last remaining charm that she hadn’t lost – which was a silver disc with a ‘G’ engraved on it.
I wish Gideon was here. He’d be able to help me. He’d been so good with advice, and always listened when she really needed him to. He’d tell me to stop being a crybaby.
He would have teased and poked her into an annoyed rage to quell her sadness. Then, when she was settled, he’d help her to think logically. Right now, she needed that more than ever – someone to be her mind when her heart felt all over the freaking place.
I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I can trust how I feel. She let out a shuddering breath, her mind starting to calm and her tears drying. I don’t want my selfishness to hurt him.
Sitting on hard dirt, loose rocks, and small sticks with his back towards where the little human bathed, Ingram stared down at his hands. Legs crossed, tail curling around the right side of his body, he let his shoulders slump forward.
He wished he couldn’t hear her sniffling. He hadn’t meant to make her cry, and he hadn’t known a human could whimper like that. He wanted to go to her, but the splashing of water informed him he would only make matters worse.
This had started because he wanted to see, so to violate that now… he didn’t want to break her trust.
Instead, he inspected the sharp points of his claws.
He’d already blunted them days ago, but they were still so sharp to her. Their crescent-shaped edges underneath were particularly dangerous as well.