She knew she liked Ingram on a level that no human probably should. Which was becoming easier to deal with now that she understood she wasn’t alone in developing feelings for a Duskwalker. Hard not to when she’d met three other women who had fallen for their own.
She wasn’t the only one that craved touching them, learning them, pleasuring them, just so they could do so in return. Just the thought had her nipples pebbling for it against her will, despite her despondent emotions.
However, if Ingram wanted a life like theirs, she just wasn’t the human for him then.
She was sure he could find a new one, a better one. One that wasn’t broken in more ways than she could count. He could use all that she’d taught him to not make mistakes and frighten them, not that Emerie minded any of the times he’d accidentally hurt her or frightened her.
At least she was setting him up for a brighter future, she hoped. Just one I probably won’t be a part of.
Gosh, why did that make her want to tear up?
“Emerie, if you are cold, I can warm you,” Ingram offered when he noticed her shiver. He placed his big hand over her left thigh.
For some reason, her scars were more sensitive, and she was more self-conscious of them than ever before.
“No, I’m okay,” she assured.
She wasn’t shivering because she was cold. She was trembling because her mind wouldn’t shut the fuck up and she wished it would stop pestering her. She wanted to enjoy her time in this warm house, filled with lovely people.
Stop pressuring me, she silently begged at him.
He didn’t mean to. He was just showing he cared, but right now, she felt like an imposter. She was worried she was going to hurt him, whether it be now or in the future, and the guilt of it was already making her skin itch.
Then, to make matters worse, Faunus approached Mayumi from behind while she was stirring something in a frypan. He licked the side of her neck while asking her what she was making, not that he was going to eat it, and placed his hand on her shoulder to bring her closer.
One of their children crawled off her and onto his hand.
At first, when Emerie had met Mayumi and her family, she had thought she was a cold mother to them. She hadn’t held them, and only let them walk over her when Faunus was nearby.
It was only partway through today, after she and Emerie had spoken and grown a little closer, that Mayumi’s affection with them changed. She held them, spoke to them even though they would never be able to understand, and even openly snuggled with them.
It was totally different to the already hard and abrasive personality Emerie could see she had.
It eventually dawned on her that Mayumi had been distant with them due to Ingram and Emerie’s presence, keeping her precious children with the parent that could protect them best: Faunus. Before today, they’d still been strangers. They had been threats to their family.
She’d given up her precious time with them for their safety.
Emerie watched as Faunus moved away from Mayumi. He only made it about three steps before her head perked up.
“Hey!” she whined. “Give them back!”
The chuckle that rumbled out of Faunus was dark, mischievous, and evil as he bolted with the child he’d stolen. Mayumi chased him with a spoon dripping with yellow, oily sauce.
“You’ve had them for most of the day,” she continued.
Emerie didn’t catch Faunus’ chuckling response; it was dim and inaudible to her ears.
I can’t do this anymore today. Faunus obviously wanted to be himself with his bride and family, teasing and picking on her every chance he got if he wasn’t lazing around somewhere.
It was killing her.
As quietly as she could, hoping not to be noticed, Emerie slipped off the chair. She threw her hand out to Ingram when he went to rise.
“Please, please, just stay there. I just need some air.”
“Emerie,” he rasped, his skull following her direction as she headed for the exit. She couldn’t bear looking at him to see if his orbs had changed colour.
She didn’t know if anyone else noticed she’d left, but she really hoped they didn’t. She needed air. She needed a few minutes of clean, fresh air that wasn’t stifled by their happiness, love, and affection.
Just five minutes to be in the cold, by herself, like she’d been for most of her damn life.
Instead of heading to the tent, something that didn’t belong to her, she walked just beyond the open clearing and to the fringe of forest. She sat next to a tree. With her arms wrapped around the tops of her knees, she just breathed and tried to push out all the horrible, terrible emotions she didn’t want inside her.
She felt petty, spiteful, and jealous all wrapped up into one aching being, and more than anything, she wanted to shed those sentiments. She hated that she felt this way; they didn’t deserve it.
When tears began to well in her eyes, she glared at herself while thinking, Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! With a shaking hand, she wiped at her cheek with the heel of her palm.
A twig cracking from the direction of the house made anger flare in her chest.
“Ingram, I said to sta–” Her words died when she saw a woman with long black hair approaching her. “Oh. Um.” She wiped at her cheeks to remove the few tears that had fallen, ashamed of them, before giving her a smile. “Hey, Mayumi. You didn’t have to come out.”
“Sorry,” Mayumi muttered. “I know it must be hard–”
Emerie’s features twisted into a cringe. “Please stop. I don’t want you to feel bad for something that has nothing to do with you. I am happy for you and your family.”
“I know.” She bent down and placed her hand on Emerie’s shoulder. “But that still doesn’t stop how it must make you feel. I understand, but Faunus doesn’t, so he isn’t being very considerate of you.”
Emerie was quick to slap her hand away and rise to her feet.
“I don’t want anyone changing their fucking lives for me or being considerate. The fact you feel like you have to come out here and apologise to me makes me feel worse, like I’m a damn villain for feeling this way. So please, just leave me alone.”
Mayumi sighed as she slid a hand over the top of her hair, before brushing it down the long length of her ponytail.
“I didn’t tell you how I was discharged from the guild.”
“Let me guess,” Emerie sneered. “They found out you lied about going through with it.”
“Yeah, pretty much.” She rubbed at her cheek. “Like I told you, my father was a really high-ranking Elder. He was able to have it fabricated that I’d done it, but I got caught out on a mission. I chose to do that, knowing I could not only be discharged but imprisoned because I didn’t want to have my future taken away from me. I wanted the choice.”
Emerie wished her voice didn’t sound so angry and shaken, when she said, “Well, I made a choice, and now I have to live with it.”
She clenched and unclenched her hands, hoping to squeeze the defensive stiffness out. It was futile, and it only made her realise just how clammy her hands were from anxiety.
“What I’m trying to say is that I get it,” Mayumi offered. “I get why you’re upset, and I wanted you to know that you are welcome to be within my home and just be how you feel. You don’t have to hide it. I can’t change my life, and you can’t change how you feel, but there is no point in you trying to exclude yourself from us when all it will do is make you feel more alone.”