By the time a knock came at my door, I was in control once more, my thoughts my own, my shadows obeying when I gathered them close and called, “Enter.”
Strawberry-blond hair appeared, framing a face that today was shuttered in a way that made me wince inwardly. “You asked to see me?”
I stood and gestured to the chair beside mine. “Please, join me.”
She gave the faintest frown as she crossed the room. I didn’t normally rise when she entered. But, then again, I didn’t normally owe her an apology.
Slowly, she sat as though she thought this might be a trap. “I don’t have long. I’ve been visiting my parents, and Faolán’s left the house a mess.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. That was a lie. Faolán, for all his hulking size and hairiness, was no beast. He was the most fastidiously clean and tidy person I knew, and he’d told me more than once about how he was the one who had to clean up after his wife. Still, calling her out on it wasn’t the best way to start this conversation.
“I’ll get straight to it, then.” I pulled my chair to face hers before I sat. “I’m sorry, Rose. I was a prize arsehole the last time I saw you.”
Her eyebrows shot up, the shutters falling away.
I leant forward and went on, “I was angry and aggressive, and I let my shadows get completely out of hand. I snapped at you, and you deserved none of that. I didn’t mean to frighten you, and although I…” I bit my tongue. “I was feeling a lot of things, I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. I’m sorry I almost lost control, I was…” I shook my head, unable to voice everything that had been going on inside me when I’d stepped through the shadow door.
She took a long breath. “It’s all right. I understand.” The way she tilted her head and smiled softly, I believed her.
Except she couldn’t understand everything I wasn’t saying. She couldn’t know what was in my heart.
“I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
My shadows fell still.
Shit. She did understand.
I swallowed. “Does Faolán know?”
“I mean”—she gave an exaggerated shrug—“he has eyeballs, so I dare say he does.”
With a groan I sank back in my chair. Was I so obvious? I was meant to be hiding my feelings for Kat. Not just from strangers—from everyone.
It was only a matter of time before people found out she was married, then Faolán would join the rest of them in judging me for… for whatever it was I felt for a married woman. For breaking a contract.
I raked my fingers through my hair and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.
More importantly, if people knew, it would paint a target on her back. Anyone who wanted to settle a score with me could do it through her.
Rose had spent less than a minute with us and already knew.
When I dropped my hands, I found her wearing a cheerful smile like this was all terribly amusing. “And, after what you said about human brides, I doubt he’s going to let you live this down for at least a couple of centuries.”
And this is what you get for taking a human bride. I’d said those words, mocking both Lysander and Faolán. I refused to acknowledge any relevance to my situation.
Instead, I gave Rose my worst glower—the one that sent courtiers scattering from my path. “Well, he needs to.”
She didn’t flinch at my expression, but when I spoke, her smile crumpled into a soft frown. That was the tough thing about Rose—her softness.
It got me every time and now it had me opening my mouth again. “I betrayed Kat,” I whispered. “She betrayed me. And if—if we somehow managed to get past that, she’s married. Nothing more can happen between us.”
“Oh.” Her eyebrows rose slowly and her gaze fluttered away. I could see the cogs turning in her mind as she worked through what that meant to fae. She’d lived in Elfhame long enough to know how seriously we took contracts and the breaking of them. “And who knows about that?”
“No one. Yet. The particulars of what happened in Lunden are a state secret, and her husband isn’t exactly… present.” I clenched my hands as shadows surged around my feet, rough like a stormy sea but under control.
“Oh dear, Bastian.” She squeezed my knee, unconcerned by my shadows or glower. “It’s quite a pickle you’ve got yourself into.”
I grunted and turned to the fire.
“Good grief, you’re almost as grumpy as Faolán. Have you two swapped personalities?”
I couldn’t help the low growl in my throat. She was teasing me, like something about this was funny.
“You know,” she went on, “you could apologise.”
It didn’t feel like enough, though, and I didn’t know where to even start.
“And then,” Rose went on, “once that’s fixed, you could just… not give a shit that she’s married? It doesn’t sound like she cares.”
“It doesn’t work like that. Contracts are—”
“Sacred for a reason. I know. I know. Though I don’t think you’d lose your magic if you broke one.” I could feel her gaze on me as she paused. “And I suspect you already have, yet look, your shadows are as dark as ever.”
“That’s not…” I huffed. It wasn’t the point. I didn’t fear losing my magic. I’d never taken that part of our laws literally—it sounded more like a threat than a promise. Rather, when I thought of the fact Kat was married, it was a wrongness in my bones—in my veins.
Contracts had bound our blood to the land, had given us magic. They were responsible for everything fae were.
To break one was like breaking the earth itself.
“I know,” she said, voice sober. “It’s complicated. I can’t pretend to understand. I don’t think anyone who isn’t fae can.”
I managed to give her a small smile, grateful for her acknowledgement.
“And for the record, I accept your apology, Bastian. I appreciate you giving it. Now”—she stood—“if there wasn’t anything else, I have some dinner to prepare. I can make it for three, if you’re going to join us?” She raised an eyebrow. “Or four?”
I winced. “Not tonight. I have a ton of paperwork to do and reports to read through.”
“Still playing catch-up?”
I sighed and went to rise, but she waved off my attempt to escort her out. “I’m gone for a few months and everything goes to shit.”
Spreading her hands, she backed away to the door. “You know, if you trusted someone else to help you with the bigger things, it wouldn’t have backed up so much. And you were gone for more than a few months—it was over half a year.”
I grumbled, but couldn’t get angry in the face of her bright grin or the fact she might be right. “You sound like Faolán.”
“Sometimes he’s right. Just don’t tell him I said that.”
I couldn’t help returning her grin and winking. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
“As is yours.” Holding the door handle, she paused and her expression softened. “If you want someone to talk—someone who hasn’t got the weight of old-fashioned fae ideas of contractual obligation… Well, I’m here.”