I try to communicate all this with my eyes, even as I watch Kalos close his emotions away. The silence between us reverberates. The issue gaining seriousness as the clock ticks.
He doesn’t believe me.
“I can’t take that chance,” he says before turning away from me. “I need to work.”
“It’s almost midnight,” I whisper.
He doesn’t respond, and I’m left alone in his bed.
Wary of the future, but more frightened that I’ve just lost a piece of what’s between us.
KALOS IS WORKING. We haven’t really spoken since that night. I hardly catch his scent on his own sheets anymore.
Some of it is that he’s focusing on shoring up our defenses. A few ward masters have been through, strengthening the spells that are already set and weaving in new ones. There is no expense being spared to make this house a bunker.
But it also feels like he’s avoiding me.
I’m grateful for the upscaled security. The revelation that I’ve been dreaming about dragon fire is more unsettling than I want to admit to him. Not because I think he’s going to lose control, but because it’s pressing on a nerve. A feeling that something bad is going to happen. Intrusive thoughts make it hard to work, but the stroke of paint on canvas helps immensely. The one I’d been working on that spooked Kalos is done, and I’ve finished two other canvases like it.
The fire paintings are gorgeous. The colors and winding nature of the shapes echo as deadly as the sound of a rattlesnake. It plucks the strings of my lizard brain and makes it dance. But the sight of the flames doesn’t spark fear for me. The shape and color provide an odd comfort.
What they mean is a mystery.
Kalos fears that he’s going to lose control, and I fear that I’m going to lose him.
I run my hands over my belly in thought.
Him pulling away elevates the feeling that something bad is on the horizon. I’m good at being prepared even if Kalos’s care has made me lazy. What would I do if Kalos’s enemies get into the house? The wards are strong, but there are ways to overwhelm them.
Kalos mentioned the caverns, which is a good option, but I can’t use my portal charm to go there until I’ve been in person.
There’s a tickle that I need to collect my go bag just in case, but I’m able to push that down. Ben and Kalos have been too busy to escort me back to my apartment just to get a contingency plan that may not be necessary. Kalos’s presence makes the caverns the best place to retreat to, and that doesn’t require supplies.
I bite my lip in contemplation as I gaze past my easel to the hidden doorway to the staircase. If there’s an emergency, using the portal charm to get to the caverns is the safest plan of action to avoid stumbling down the stairs in the dark.
My phone lights up with another call from Nemo.
“No, thank you,” I breathe and decline it. The imp won’t take my silence as an answer. He thinks he can wheedle me back into doing work for him, and every day I get messages of fake concern. It digs at the good memories I’d built up in my mind of him.
I thought he was my family. My mind has been too full of Kalos, mate bonds, and his avoidance to try and analyze my relationship with Nemo, but I’m beginning to feel certain that he doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about him. He’s someone I may need to completely cut from my life, but I’m not in the headspace to make that type of decision.
I take a deep breath, letting my eyes flow over the colors of the canvas to center my thoughts on plans.
I need to be prepared. That will ease this flurry of worry in my chest that feels like I swallowed acidic butterflies.
Kalos isn’t the only one in charge of my safety. I need to take the steps needed to keep myself safe, to keep our daughter safe.
I can’t just sit around and wait for Kalos to show me the caverns. He’s in the city today, and he’s been hesitant to bring me down there while his dragon is riding him so hard. And that was before his worries about what me dreaming about dragon fire means.
“It’s just you and me, impossibility,” I say, giving my stomach a final pat before making my decision.
I grab the flashlight I’ve started keeping in a drawer in case of an evacuation to the caverns, and for the few times I’ve listened at Kalos’s office door, and head toward the passage. I’m dressed sensibly to go exploring, with the thin boots I used for thieving and a canvas maternity jumpsuit Ben found for painting. It’s as if a part of me knew I was going to do this.
As long as I go slow and have my phone with me, everything will be fine. Nemo altered my phone a few years ago to make it so I’ll get reception magically no matter the physical limitations.
The bookshelf swings open when I trigger the mechanism, and the cold air from the hidden stairs chills my hot cheeks. The spiral staircase is well maintained and doesn’t make a sound as I descend. I pass Kalos’s office. I’d be hard-pressed to admit how many times since he’s started avoiding me that I’ve hung out on this landing, listening to the dragon I want through the wall while he conducts business.
An ache at his avoidance always wells at the sound of his voice. I’ve attempted to pull him to bed a few times, but he always gives some perfectly acceptable excuse, giving me a push of heat energy with the barest touch of his hand to fulfill the needs of our daughter.
Each time he kisses my forehead and sends me off to bed alone, the flame of hope in my heart sputters, but I feel the same as I did when I first came here.
I’m willing to fight for my place here, but I won’t beg for someone to love me.
My heart rate starts to pick up with adrenaline as I continue deeper, following the staircase lower into the earth.
The adrenaline soon morphs into exertion as seconds turn into minutes, until I’ve been slowly descending for more than a quarter hour. The stairs go on and on with no end in sight. My thighs start to burn, and I sit on the cool step to take a breather. My basketball-shaped belly and careful movements are taking more energy than I realized.
Or the baby is zapping my energy because it’s colder down here. Cheerful thought.
I continue my journey. The stone wall I brace myself against is icy against my hand, but it’s better than the metal railing. Right when I’m wondering if I should go back up and try another day when Kalos can carry me, the stairway opens into a cave.
The light from my flashlight travels through the dark and catches on stalactites but doesn’t reach the floor.
There’s a light switch in the center of the stair spiral, and I flip it on. The lights come on slowly, and I grip the metal railing that separates me from the edge of the steps with awe.
I was expecting a room-size situation. That isn’t what’s below the place I’ve been calling home.
Caves as far as I can see span in every direction.
Plenty of room for a dragon to live. I slowly descend the rest of the way until my thin boots crunch on wet stone.
I wander while angling the flashlight up to take in the many rock formations on the ceiling. There are some places where the rock has been broken. I squint my eyes at a wall, and my mouth drops open when I make out the deep gashes.
Claw marks.
Kalos’s dragon form may be a little bigger than a Komodo dragon after all…