“Not yet.”
A flash of heat almost melts me with the promise I hear in that statement, but I can tell by the look on his face that I’m not getting out of this.
I sigh. “Ugh. This is going to be the most unfulfilling naked time I’ve ever had with a guy.”
“No, it’s not.” Perth’s laugh vibrates in the space between us, and I have to force myself to ignore the way it resonates in this really delicious way inside of me.
Perth’s hands come up to my jacket, and he slowly unzips it. The sizzle in his eyes from everything we just did lingers in his hooded gaze. My stomach reacts, flipping and fluttering in response. “Now you’re going to open yourself up to your instincts. You’re going to search for that feeling of other inside of you. When you find it, I want you to make space in your head, in your heart, and in your soul for it.”
My jacket falls to the ground at my feet, and I nod as he reaches for my shirt and pulls it up over my head. My skin pebbles against the nip in the air, but I don’t focus on that. I can’t. Not with the way his eyes linger on my chest.
When his gaze darts back up, it narrows. “I said focus.” As he gently takes off my shoes, socks, and pants, I do as Perth tells me, fighting against the urgent need for him. It’s hard to do, nearly impossible while his hands are on me. But then he steps away and I feel a path erupt inside of me, one made of strong emotions like the ones he’s just stoked. I walk down it, seeking out the thing I’ve been feeling inside of me for longer than I’ve had a name for it.
My wolf.
“When you’ve got her, you’ll feel a tingle run down your spine,” Perth goes on, his own breaths slightly labored. “I want you to picture the power inside of you expanding, running from your chest out to your limbs, filling you up until it’s all you can feel.”
I close my eyes, searching through the pieces of me I’ve never wanted to look at too closely. Pieces I worried were the wild, unhinged parts of myself. The broken bits—the ones I always thought made me too sharp, too jagged, too easy to send packing to home after home because others could see the shattered ruins too. All those scraps I now realize aren’t broken tatters. They’re eerie threads. Shifter magic. Power that’s waiting to be woven together so I can become more.
The wind gusts across my face just as I feel it.
Feel her.
“Noah, we’re going to shift. We’re going to run together. I’m going to chase you.” His fingers curl lightly against the bare skin of my back at that last little promise. And somehow, the idea of a chase sends a euphoric little tickle across my skin.
“Let her out. You can do this,” he coaxes, and I feel his encouragement bolster me.
I force everything around me to fall away. Focusing only on this hidden, burgeoning piece of me that’s all too eager for acknowledgement. I’m startled to discover that it doesn’t feel like some foreign, wild invasion of who I am, but more a vital component I’ve always been missing.
A key.
She’s cold when I reach for her. Not in a frigid, painful sort of way, but in a relieving one. She’s cool, lapping waves under a blazing sun. She’s the tranquil mist that rises from a thunderous waterfall. She’s pure magic in every sense of the word.
I open myself up, making space for all the slivers of power inside me to finally fit together with a loud and resounding click.
My lids flash open, and Perth’s intense gaze is locked on me. His smile is proud, as though he too heard all my pieces fall into place. I look down to find black veins crawling up my arms and down my hands. They thrum with each heartbeat and I find myself staring down at them in fascination instead of fear. With a wide grin, I look up at Perth and fully give myself over to the wolf.
“You’ve got this,” he encourages.
And then I break.
Perth catches me before I can hit the ground, pulling me into his lap. Maple leaves crunch beneath him as he sits on the ground, holding me tight in his arms as pain ricochets through me like a wrecking ball that’s determined to leave nothing of the old me standing. I scream as the straight bones of my legs shatter and start to reform beneath me. I can feel each jagged bit moving underneath my skin, and it’s as though I’m being stabbed from the inside out.
Flocks of birds flee the trees around us, squawking their alarm as they escape from my cries.
I fold in on myself, my bones and muscles contorting and splitting in unfathomable ways. Icy cold seeps around each fracturing burst of agony until I’m so chilled I could probably create icicles with a mere touch. Agony explodes through me like fireworks and, just when I think I can’t take anymore, Perth’s determined tone pulls me from the wreckage of my mind and body.
“It will be over soon, Noah. This is your wolf forging the pathways she needs to shift at will. This will be the only time it feels like this. I promise it will be worth it. You’re doing amazing.” Perth does his best to console me.
I clutch onto his promises, letting them buoy me against the tide of overwhelming sensation that wants to tug me under.
A large, calloused hand brushes my hair back from my face, and I can feel Perth slowly set me down against the hard ground and back away. “It won’t be long now; I can sense your magic building.”
I whimper at the loss of him. Glacial agony finally consumes me, a heavy sheet of solid cold sliding over me, and then it all just…stops.
I lie against the frost-brushed ground, breathing heavily, my limbs and body tingling in a strange, unfamiliar way. All my bits and pieces are there, but not where they should be. My mouth and nose are wrong, my teeth sharp, my ears dislocated. The small whine that slinks out of me confirms it.
I’m a fucking wolf.
A big one, from the feel of it.
I open my eyes and it takes a moment for my vision to focus.
Whoa, I muse, thunderstruck by the changes.
Everything is sharper, clearer, easier to process on a massive scale. Movement immediately catches my attention, and I hone in on a massive red and gray wolf. My size is formidable, but Perth’s wolf is enormous.
I recognize him easily from the night of the hunt. He was the first one into the fray. The wolf that stopped the other den from getting to me first. I marvel at him, observing his size, the patches of rusty red against creams and grays. His eyes are a brighter wolfy version of the amber Perth has when he’s in his skin form. He’s nothing short of magnificent.
The big wolf chuffs as though he appreciates my inspection of him, and then, from across the clearing, Perth’s delicious voice sounds in my mind clear as day.
“Hey, beautiful, wanna run?”
27
NOAH
My heart is a prism of awe, fractals of happiness sparkling all around me in every shade. There’s a deep blue sense of satisfaction as my paws hit the earth, claws digging in for purchase before I powerfully push off, gaining speed as I go. Red gleams of riotous energy streak through me as I fly through the forest like a soundless wraith. Bright, dancing yellow bliss bridles me, keeping me from floating away on a wisp of pure joy.
Ruger was right. Running is the fucking best.
Tree trunks rush past in a blur as I zig and zag around obstacles. The wind gently combs through my fur, and I find my tongue suddenly flapping out of the side of my mouth like a pennant.