“Aria,” she whispered, her eyes rounding. “This is fucked up.”
“Life is fucked up, Esme. I wish I’d listened to him. To Knox, when he told me no matter how I tried, that I couldn’t save them all. I can’t be the girl who rushes in to save them, and the one who destroys the evil in this world. I learned that lesson already. But right now? If we don’t hit the bitch right where it hurts, she’s coming here to hit us. So, you pick. Pick which one we do. Who lives and who dies?”
“I can’t choose who lives and dies,” she gasped, horrified that I’d told her to do so.
“I know you can’t. That’s why I did. I am choosing to turn unimaginable pain into power. Right now, I’m choosing to hit her hard enough that she has to recover from what she’s done. I told you that it isn’t what we would do to win. We’re going to do whatever it takes, and we’re going to show her that she can no longer hide behind the innocence of others.”
“May the gods have mercy on your enemies,” she stated, shaking her head. “I get it, I do. But if you cross this bridge, where does it stop? What separates you from her?”
“I don’t want them to suffer, she does. I want to free them from oppression. To have a chance at life without being amidst a never-ending war. One they didn’t ask for. In order to do so, I may end up carrying their deaths with me. If I have to pay that price, I will. I’m not asking you—not any of you—to kill someone. I’m fine being the villain. Right now, this world needs the monster, not the soft, caring girl I was.”
“Okay. I just needed to hear you say it, Aria. I know you don’t wish to kill them, which is the difference. But I needed to know if you realized the price.”
“I’m always the price I pay when I unleash the magic inside of me onto a keep. Knox taught me that lesson as well. I unleashed my grief, but that isn’t what this is. It’s a hit to prevent Hecate from coming here to hit us when we’re down. So, we’ll turn our pain into power, strike her hard and fast. Everyone should rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long one.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Aria
I sat beside Knox, allowing myself a moment to imagine a world without him. There was no future I could see myself living, not without him there with me. It was a weakness. One I’d allowed to grip my heart harder than I’d ever imagined it could. Love was fucked up that way. I’d always preferred the antihero, knowing he’d burn the world down to be with me. But I’d never understood how divinely violent I’d become to protect him, either. That I’d willingly turn into the monster the world feared to keep him safe.
I’d walked through hell to save him, even if I’d pulled out his body. Would I kill innocent lives to protect him? No, not if it was only for him. That was a bridge he wouldn’t want me to cross. But if I didn’t get him back, Hecate would double-down. The army of dark witches she’d gathered would come here, and it would kill many more innocent lives. Standing up, I walked over to where he was suspended in the glowing light of the land.
“If you’re in there, I’m going to need you to let me in. Either way, I’m coming inside that head of yours.” Turning, I found Esme standing behind me.
“You know that’s dangerous. I don’t even need to say that, right?” she asked.
Exhaling, I nodded. “I know, but if he’s in there, then I need to know. If Hecate is aware that he’s gone, we need to know. I promised everyone I wouldn’t take chances with them. If she knows, she’s coming for him, and attacking her won’t stop that. If she’s got her claws into his mind, then I need to go in there and remove her.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here. That’s why we’re all here. Family doesn’t let family do dumb shit alone, remember? You taught me that. Ours may be little, and it’s a bit broken, but it’s ours. So, lie down, we’ll get the candles and herbs, and you’ll do it with your sisters, and your best friend.”
“Holy shit. You said it,” I whispered, then hugged her tightly. “I love you too, bitch.”
“Whatever. You can stop hugging me before people think we’re best lesbians,” she whispered against my ear. Pulling back, I smiled, then winked. “Why are you winking?”
“It’s our secret,” I whispered back, winking twice.
“What secret?” Siobhan asked. Turning toward her, I smiled as Esme sputtered at a loss for how to deflect what she’d said.
“Nothing. Aria was just telling me that, if Knox didn’t wake up, she’s considering dating women,” Esme replied, then waited for Siobhan to begin placing the candles around Knox before she stuck her tongue out.
“Real mature, Esme.” I laughed, slowly lowering down beside Knox.
I hadn’t heard Ember since whatever Knox had done to my forehead, which had silenced her. It was troublesome. He’d marked my forehead, which left me altered somehow. I felt it to my core, even though I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t need Ember to fight every battle for me, which was why I’d planned this one around my magic, not including the things I’d gotten from her.
Soraya, Avyanna, Esme, and Siobhan began chanting, their voices echoing in my ears. The light of the candles erupted, sealing the circle around us. I felt the circle tightening, connecting. My lashes fluttered as the herbs eased the tension, lowering the walls of our minds to allow a merge into Knox’s.
“Snuff” by Slipknot played inside his mind. Sitting up on the floor, I peered around, smiling as the sound of his laughter reached my ears. Lifting up, I slowly rounded the bookshelves, stopping dead in my tracks at the sight of a little boy.
“Sven, I’m going to find you.” Knox’s voice wrapped around me like warm silk after being cold for too long. “Are you hiding?” He’d called from just outside the doorway. My heartbeat slammed against my chest at an alarming speed, even as the air caught in my lungs.
Sven laughed, then darted for the couch he’d been standing in front of. I watched him duck, then heard the sound of footfalls coming. Stepping out of the shadows I took in the sight of Knox, with bright, azure eyes that sent me awash me on endless waves. A smile curved his full, kissable lips.
“I’m going to find you, Sven,” he warned, slowly turning to look at the couch where the sound of laughter floated up from.
My heart squeezed as my mind pointed out what it didn’t want to believe. If he was with Sven, then he was either with his ghost, or he was among them, barely clinging to life. A tiny, baby laugh forced tears to sting my eyes. Another followed right behind it, forcing me farther into the room. Staring at two girls, one with silvery hair, and eyes the same stormy waters color as her father. Eleanora was beyond beautiful, with loose curls hanging down her back, in a fine white dress. Evelyn entered right on her heels, her dark blonde hair, with laughing turquoise eyes. Like Eleanora, she wore a white dress of the softest material.
“Daddy, Daddy! Find us,” Eleanora cried, her eyes flooding with love as she rushed for him.
“Me too, Daddy! Find me,” Evelyn echoed, her smile so wide and so beautiful it ached to look at it too long.