Our relationship ended when one day, he came over and we sat together in my bedroom. We’d already kissed that afternoon before my dad came back home from work. Maybe we should’ve been more careful. I should’ve realized that if we could speak with energy, then others could pick up on our energy, too. My dad walked by in the hall. He stopped, turned around, and looked into my open door, where I sat with my boyfriend on the floor, doing homework. My dad didn’t say anything. He only eyed us before he walked away again. After my boyfriend left, my dad said at the dinner table that he didn’t want “that kid” to come back over here again.
It was enough. Somehow, my boyfriend picked up on this energy, too, and he never invited me back to his house, and I never invited him back to mine.
（Revised） Project X Schedule
September 1: August 21: Announcement that you are, in fact, official ?
September 3: GLAAD red carpet event, first public outing as official couple. I had to kiss major ass for these invites and move around the production schedule to get you two the day off so, don’t fuck this up; prep with stylists starts 8am sharp
September 16: MC interview with InStyle magazine; slip in mention about how much you’re in love with LG and what it’s like to work with your boyfriend in a rom com film
September 29: LG interview with GQ; be vulnerable Gray, you want to be likeable in this one; talk about your rehab, how much you’ve been changing, how much you want to grow and change for Matt, etc.
October 12: MC to post on Twitter and Instagram platforms updating the world about relationship and how well it’s going
October 28: Vanessa Stone industry Halloween party
Mattie
Dave’s voice echoes. “All right, folks. It’s the scene we’ve all been waiting for.”
I take a deep breath and release it slowly through my mouth. I knew this was coming. I met with Dave, Gray, and the intimacy coordinator, Jasmine, to go over everything we’d agreed on （no simulated sex, only bare chests shown）， and ensure feelings hadn’t changed since the initial meeting. Jasmine is waiting near, watching for any signal from either me or Gray that we need a break.
I was starting to think that this scene—and working with Logan—wouldn’t be as awkward as I was afraid it’d be, but after Gray slammed me with his don’t forget, this is all fake speech a few days ago, it’s hard to feel comfortable and safe with him again. It doesn’t help that the selfie we posted, and the photo of us holding hands as we walked off set together, is absolutely everywhere. It’s inescapable. I should be able to admit it, right? It was embarrassing, to be told that we’re not friends in that tone as if I’m deranged.
My sister freaked out at me when she saw the announcement. “I knew it! I knew it!” she screamed in my ear.
My mom wasn’t as enthused. “Are you sure about this, Mattie?” she asked. “From what I can see of him online, Logan Gray—he’s…” She never finished that sentence.
It’s harder to keep up the act that I care about Gray when he rejected me. Is it crazy of me to want to be friends with him? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he really has been the asshole he’s claimed to be all along. But something tells me that he isn’t as simple as he wants me to think. I want to ask him why he’s pushed me away, but he’ll most likely keep pushing—and I’m not in the mood to be insulted like that again.
These are the thoughts that filter through my head as I wait on set. We’re in the constructed bedroom. I should be getting into the right frame of mind for Riley. This isn’t very professional of me, to be wrapped up in personal drama.
Gray looks like he could care less. He’s embodied Quinn already—I can tell, the way he leans against the bedroom’s desk, eyes hooded. The lights feel brighter than usual. Anyone who was unnecessary to shooting this scene was asked to leave, so at least I’m not performing for dozens of extra people. I’m still struggling with shame at the thought of being attracted to another man, let alone kissing one in front of so many people, so it helps that the set is emptier than usual. But, still—it’ll be awkward as hell, purposefully getting horny in front of Dave.
And with Gray.
Riley is afraid—unsure if this is a good idea. Quinn’s already proven he can’t be trusted, and Riley knows that he deserves a stable, unconditional love with someone who won’t go out of their way to hurt him. But Quinn…he’s irresistible, and at this point in the script, the two have been writing scenes back and forth with their own main characters becoming more and more attracted to each other. They’ve just finished writing a scene together where their characters have admitted they want to have sex, which has become explosive tension for Riley and Quinn. This time, when Riley invites Quinn over to write together…
“Action!”
The scene was blocked, but I still feel awkward, as if I’m standing in the wrong spot. I don’t know what to do with my hands. Quinn is staring at me with those eyes, letting me know just how much he wants me. We’ve practically told each other that we want to have sex through our characters, our story.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” I tell him, but my voice sounds breathless. Because, no matter how shitty Quinn has been, I can’t deny that I want him, too.
“It’s definitely not a good idea,” he says, grin growing. He pushes off from the desk and walks closer. “But maybe it’ll help with our writing.”
“How so?”
“Our characters are probably going to end up together, right?”
I swallow. “Yeah. Probably.”
“So, it’ll help to figure out what they’re like in bed if we do this. Consider it character development. We’re getting into their heads.”
Quinn stops right in front of me, staring down at me with a smirk. That challenge in his eyes. It’s so similar to the way Logan looked at me while we were on that date, watching me carefully, waiting to see what I would do or say. I blink and look away.
“Cut!”
Shit. Gray immediately breaks the stare and returns to his starting position at the desk. He knows this one is for me.
I wave at Jasmine to let her know I’m all right as Dave clears his throat and jogs over. “Everything okay?” he asks me. “You still feeling comfortable with everything?”
Jesus. I can’t even get through a scene. “Yeah. I’m fine. Sorry, I just got pulled out for a second.”
“Don’t worry about it. Take your time. This is the one scene we need to get right.” We have the entire day scheduled for just this, even with the recent schedule cuts. Makes sense. We can’t have the sex scene in a romance film look or feel awkward, even if it fades to black.
I take a deep breath. “Okay. I’m ready.”
Dave walks back to the director’s chair. “Action!”
The lines are smoother this time. I can feel heat building. Quinn—Quinn, not Logan—smirks at me as he leans forward. The intimacy coordinator offered to have us rehearse beforehand, but Gray argued it’d be better to let everything physical be spontaneous anyway. I agreed, relieved to avoid as much awkwardness as possible until this moment.