I was surprised that they were willing to give two Black men the lead roles, even if colorism was a big part of our acceptance. Logan is mixed—Black and white—with lighter brown skin and wavy black hair. He could easily be mistaken as white.
My agent, Jacqueline, is all business in comparison to Paola. I barely interact with her except when she’s offering me roles or information. “There’s been an uptick in financial success for movies featuring Black leads. Write Anything on its own isn’t enough to stand out, with the growing popularity of queer films. They’re hoping you and Logan Gray will bring more success to the film with your diversity.”
I wasn’t exactly sold on her pitch—it sounded like an invitation to microaggression hell—but Paola spoke to me after the phone call. Yeah, it sucks to be the diverse inclusion, but this is also one of the few chances I might have to propel my career forward. And, if I’m successful, I can really start to make change from within the industry. I’m disappointed I didn’t get the main role, but I have to admit: it’s pretty cool to be the love interest of a blockbuster romantic film, and not being the white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed prince that I had to grow up with. Seeing only one kind of person as the one who is worthy of love messed with my head when I was younger. It made me think that I wasn’t good enough for that role, too.
Emma is seventeen, about to start her first year at Sarah Lawrence. I’ve always been overprotective of my little sister. I have memories of being ten years old and clutching her hand when she was four, making sure she wouldn’t fall down. I’m afraid for her to go off to a new place by herself, but I’m excited for her, too. I can’t help but grin. “Are you finished packing?”
She groans. “Not you, too. Mom won’t leave me alone about it.”
It’s like she’s summoned our mother. She sticks her head into the frame. She looks more like Emma with her darker brown skin and thick hair. “You finally found a moment in your busy life?”
“I’m sorry, I should’ve called sooner.”
Emma rolls her eyes. “Mom needs to realize you can’t speak every single day anymore. You’re famous now.”
Maybe it’s ridiculous that I’m twenty-three and I still talk to my mom all the time, but I love her too much not to call. She’s always supported me—always, no matter what. She’d drive me into Atlanta to enroll me in acting lessons when I was young. A lot of mothers would probably insist that I go to college, I think, and find a reliable source of income, but she understood and supported me when I decided to defer my acceptance to Boston College to focus on auditions. She flew with me to LA when I turned eighteen, always there as a shoulder to cry on when I wasn’t offered roles. Love Me Dearly was a miracle, and maybe the opportunity came because my mom prayed so hard. It’s like she demanded my dream work out for me. I’m here because of her.
“Have you been looking at the blogs?”
“No, not really.”
“They love you,” she tells me. “They say you’re a sweetheart. But of course they do. I raised you right.”
People think that I’m polite and that I have Southern charm. They think that I’m too good, and that I’m boring. I wonder what my mom would think of this whole scheme with Logan Gray. She’s definitely not going to be happy when she sees in the tabloids that I’m dating him. “I get a little worried,” I say, “that I might start to lose myself out here.”
“You’ve always been so grounded,” my mom says. “You never let things like money or fame go to your head. You’d never let anyone change you.”
I hesitate, mouth opening to tell her and Emma the truth. But, well—I already know what they’d say, don’t I? They wouldn’t be happy with me or the idea. My mom would be shocked that I’d even consider it. I already made my decision to move forward with this. I might try to admit the truth to them eventually, but not right now. There isn’t any point.
“So,” I say, “where’s Dad?”
The brightness in their faces fades a little. “Sitting over here.”
He’s been feet away from them, but he hasn’t bothered to come over to say hello. That’s not surprising. I nod. “Tell him I say hi,” I say, even though he can probably hear me just fine.
My mom’s nod is clipped. “Okay, I will. I have to get back to grading papers, but Mattie—just know we’re all so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She leaves the frame, and from the movement behind my sister and the sly grin on her face, I know she’s leaving the living room for her bedroom for a little more privacy. “So what’s it like acting with Logan Gray?” she asks, voice lowered.
I shrug with a flinch of annoyance—not at her, but at even the mention of the name. That’s the effect he has on me, I guess. “He’s kind of an asshole.”
She grins. “As to be expected. God, have you looked at Twitter recently? Everyone’s eating him alive for what he did to Willow Grace.”
I think Emma feels like I’m a portal into a reality TV episode. Not that I should judge. Real Housewives is a guilty pleasure of mine, too. “You know I try to stay away from all of that. If they’re eating Logan Gray alive, then that means they might eat me alive one day, too.”
“No way. You’re not a jerk like him.” She pauses. “So does that mean you haven’t looked him up?”
“I know who he is, Em.”
“You can’t know everything that’s on his Wiki page.”
“You read his Wiki page?”
“Did you know he’s been to rehab twice? Jesus. I’m amazed they even gave him the role.”
“It feels a little like what they did with Robert Downey Jr.”
“Huh? Who is that?”
Ouch. “I’m not that much older than you. Come on. You know, the guy that plays Iron Man?”
“Oh, him?”
“Yeah. He was basically the resident bad boy of Hollywood, too, and then he was hired on for Marvel, and—anyway, I don’t know. I can’t pretend I know what the studio’s thinking by hiring him.”
“I mean, he is really, really famous. Well, more like infamous.” Emma quirks a single eyebrow, smirk growing. I already know where she’s going with this. “Have you checked out the video?”
“Em. First of all, you’re too young to be looking at stuff like that.”
“I didn’t look at it,” she protests, “and besides, I’m seventeen!”
“And second of all—hell no. That’d feel weird. He’s my coworker. And—I don’t know, it’d feel like a violation.”
“You two are going to get to know each other pretty well before the filming is over. I read the book.”
I roll my eyes to hide my embarrassment. Emma always knows how to go in for the kill, even when she’s teasing. I’d read Write Anything a few times, too. “Yeah, well, it’s just my job. We’re professionals.”
The book only described heavy make-out scenes that eventually faded to black, thankfully, but that still means I’ll be kissing Logan Gray shirtless. That was all a part of the casting, too. Paola getting in touch with the intimacy coordinator, making sure we all agreed on our personal levels of comfort. The movie is PG-13, but this particular scene will push the film closer to the edge of R-rated territory.