The man turns and takes a couple of steps in my direction. As he draws nearer, I open my mouth to scream. But at the last second, something stops me. There’s something familiar about the shape of him. And… Wait a minute…
He steps into the light and gives me a smile. “Hi, Sadie.”
“Alex?” I say, right before I trip over a crack in the sidewalk.
Chapter 30
I manage to catch myself on the neighbor’s white picket fence before I fall ass over teakettle into the rhododendrons. “Jesus, Alex,” I say, after I’ve righted myself. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to lurk on dark streets at night? You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Sorry.” He takes a step toward me. “I just had to see you.”
“You didn’t think texting first might be a good idea? Hey Sadie, I was thinking of hanging out on your parents’ front step in the dark. If you come home, don’t mace me.”
“I was afraid you’d tell me not to come.”
“And you thought scaring me half to death was the way to convince me otherwise? Why didn’t you ring the doorbell like a normal person?”
Alex smiles sadly. “I got nervous.”
I let go of the neighbor’s fence and slowly make my way onto my parents’ front porch. “What are you doing here, Alex?”
“I miss you. I’ve been miserable without you.”
I gaze up at him standing there in jeans and his old fraternity hoodie. He was wearing that hoodie on the day we met. I’ve rarely seen him like this lately. In the months before we broke up, we got together after work when he was in a suit and tie, or at his place where he hung out in shiny workout shirts and expensive track pants. I didn’t even know he still had that old sweatshirt. I look away before he can see me react to that. I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is for the Alex standing in front of me, or if it’s nostalgia for what we used to have.
“I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Say you’ll give me another chance.”
“Why? Because you need a good Wall Street wife, and you think with a little grooming, I’d fit the bill?”
“I deserve that.” Alex looks down at the pavement. “I’m so sorry I said those things about your job not being important.” He holds his hands out, fingers spread wide. “I’m an ass.”
“You are.”
“How can I make it up to you?”
“I don’t know.”
He cocks his head at me. “I talked to Dave about hiring more women at the firm.”
My head jerks up. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you really did, or yes you’re just saying you did so I’ll get off your back?”
“Yes, I really did.” He takes a step in my direction. “He commended me for my commitment to diversity.”
I can’t hide my skepticism. “Well, I mean, it’s one thing to blow smoke about diversity and another to create a culture where there are real opportunities for people who aren’t a bunch of white guys.”
“Sadie.” He sighs. “I’m trying.”
And I can see that he is. Why am I always so all or nothing?
“I’d give anything to make it up to you,” he continues.
He’s so forlorn, standing there with his shoulders slumped and his hands in his pockets. So completely opposite from the cocky investment banker making the rounds and shaking hands and lecturing me about not understanding the culture. Again, I’m reminded of the Alex I used to know. Before the new job and money and expensive watches. And he’s trying. Shouldn’t I meet him halfway?
When I hesitate, he grabs my hand. And at that moment, the front door opens.
“Sadie?” My mom peers into the darkness. “We heard voices out here. Is everything…？” She trails off as her head swings from me, to Alex, to my hand still clutched in his. “Oh, my goodness. Alex!” The door flies open the rest of the way, and she rushes out onto the porch in her socks. “It’s so good to see you.”
As my mom envelops my ex-boyfriend in her arms, my dad appears in the doorway. “Did you say Alex is here?”
“Yes, look, Jim.” My mom pushes Alex toward the front door. “I found him and Sadie holding hands on the porch.”
“Wait. We weren’t—” But nobody is listening to me.
My dad reaches out to shake Alex’s hand and clap him on the back. My mom insists he come inside. And before I know what’s happening, he’s sitting at the dining table with the rest of the guests, in the chair next to mine. Everyone stares awkwardly as they wait for an explanation for Alex’s sudden reappearance, and a flush creeps across my skin. I peek at Jacob, who’s been displaced to a seat across the table next to Paige. In a gesture that couldn’t be more indifferent to the fact that my ex-boyfriend just crashed our holiday meal, Jacob picks up his fork and takes a bite of pie so enormous, I don’t actually know how he manages to cram it in his mouth.
“So,” Owen says, getting right to the point. “Are you two back together or what?”
Alex clears his throat. “Well, that’s why I’m here. I’m hoping Sadie will take me back.” He turns in his seat to look at me, face earnest. “I know I don’t deserve you, and I was a thoughtless jerk, but—”
“Alex.” I press my hands to my hot cheeks. “This isn’t really the place… Maybe we should go back out on the porch to discuss this.”
“No, I want your family to be here. I want them to know how important you are to me.” Alex shoves his chair back and takes my hand. “Please, Sadie. I love you. Please give me another chance.”
And—oh my God—he drops to one knee.
My eyes widen. My mom gasps. From somewhere far away, Owen mutters, “Whoa, dude.” I stare at Alex. Is he really doing this right now, in front of everyone?
“Sadie,” Alex says, gazing into my eyes. “Will you marry me?”
Yep. He’s really doing this right now, in front of everyone.
Alex pulls out a ring that gives Jacob’s colossal bite of pie a run for its money, and my mom makes a choking sound in the back of her throat. My eyes dart around the room at the surprised expressions on the faces of our Thanksgiving guests, who probably weren’t expecting quite such a show when they RSVPed to dinner. Eventually, it lands on my parents.
For the first time in as long as I can remember, they’re looking right at me with matching expressions of pride and happiness. And it’s startling, because I’m used to seeing them gaze distractedly over my shoulder as if we’re at a party and they’re checking to see if someone more important walked in. I’m used to their disinterest, their nods and shrugs, their not-quite-listening to what I have to say. And I’m used to them not having much to say to me unless it’s to tell me what to do or criticize something I’ve done. For my whole life, I’ve been a disappointment, a failure. I’ve screwed up everything with my rash decisions, my big mouth, and my terrible career choices.
But today… something amazing happened. Today, I’m no longer a stale, store-bought Twinkie. I’m homemade angel food cake with Chantilly cream and fresh strawberries. Today, I finally have my parents’ love and approval. All I have to do is open my mouth and say yes.