The rugged and sometimes cold man looks up at me from across the way, his face fallen soft and his masculine walls torn down as his eyes pool with tears.
“I love you, Dad.”
The words feel right and needed and long overdue as they come off my tongue. I haven’t said them to him in twelve years. I haven’t said them to many people in the last twelve years, and the physical relief I watch that man experience makes me upset that I didn’t say it all this time.
“I love you too, Evan.” He quickly nods his head, trying to collect himself.
Walking around the table, I hug him hard as he holds me just the same. “I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before.”
“It’s scary sometimes. I know that.” His voice is soft with understanding.
We hold on a little longer before finally releasing each other.
“I was scared to let anyone love me for a long time,” my dad continues. “I was scared to love anyone else, too.”
“Are you still?”
He shakes his head. “Not anymore.”
I keep my suspicious stare on him.
“What? Don’t look at me like that.”
“Dad, do you have a girlfriend?” I tease.
He pops his shoulders. “Maybe.”
“What?” A disbelieving laugh escapes me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It’s new. Kind of. She was a good friend to me for a lot of years, and she waited for a long time for me to be ready to let someone else into my life. Right before Christmas, I stopped being an idiot.”
A proud smile slides across my lips. “Can I meet her soon?”
“I’d really like that.”
Any previous tension in the air is long gone as I grab my pool cue and line up my shot again.
“So, is there a reason you needed to come here and have this conversation the day before the biggest game of your life?”
I take my shot, not sinking a single ball, so I wait for my dad to take his turn, but he doesn’t. He keeps his attention on me, waiting for my answer.
There’s a long pause between us.
“Why didn’t you follow Mom when she left?”
“Because some people aren’t worth following.”
I nod in understanding.
“And some people are worth following to the ends of the earth.”
Keeping my burning eyes glued to the table in front of me, the emotions attack every one of my senses, wanting to surface.
“Do you have someone worth following?” he softly asks.
I let out a sharp breath. “Yeah. I think I do.”
“Do you love them?”
I nod, unable to speak.
“Then don’t let them go, Evan. I know loving someone is scary, and letting someone love you, especially after everything we’ve been through, is even scarier. But I promise you, with the right person, it’s worth it.”
It’s terrifying to trust someone to not leave me empty and hollow after I give them all of me. But regardless of never telling Stevie how much I love her, I’m just as empty and just as terrified from her absence.
“All these years, I played this bad guy who fans love to hate, and I enjoyed it because I knew they hated a made-up version of me. I didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to hate the real me, but it also kept me from letting anyone love the real me. But I think someone loved the real me, and I may have lost her.”
“Have you told her you love her?”
I shake my head with guilt.
“Then I think it’s time she knows.”
A pause lingers between us. “Dad, I don’t know where I’ll be playing after this season. No team is as close as Chicago, but I was hoping you’d let me start flying you out for games. I miss having you at the rink, and I know you need to work and—”
“I’ll be there.”
I offer him a grateful smile, pulling a ticket out of my back pocket. “Will you come watch me win the Stanley Cup tomorrow?”
“Look at you, Ev.” He shakes his head in disbelief, a giant smile on his lips.
“Is that a yes?”
He laughs. “Hell yeah, it’s a yes.” He snatches the ticket from my hand, looking it over in awe. “I’m so proud of you.”
I give him another hug.
“Can you introduce me to her tomorrow?” he asks.
“If I can get her to the game.”
51
STEVIE
“Ryan!” I wheel my suitcase inside. “Are you home?”
“Yeah,” he mumbles from his bedroom before dragging his feet into the living room. “Did you change your flight? Why are you home so early?”