“Oh, so just some light reading.”
Harper gave a half-hearted laugh and took a swig of her beer, hoping Thu would bring up Dan.
Harper missed him in the sharpest way possible. It felt like her skin had been flayed open. Like she was exposed and bleeding out. She was angry at him for telling her secrets, for taking that ugly thing inside her and judging it, deciding she needed treatment for it.
But what made it worse was that, on a rational level, she knew she’d brought it on herself. She’d pushed him until he couldn’t come back. She’d broken her own damn heart so Dan couldn’t do it for her.
Because that’s what hearts did. They filled and swelled and pushed at their confines until they inevitably fractured into pieces with sharp, jagged edges that cut your fingers when you tried to put them back together. She’d worked too hard to allow one moment to set her off course like that.
Or so she thought.
She felt so directionless—so impossibly lost, it was hard to do anything but breathe.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened with Dan?” Harper eventually said.
She craved and dreaded the question. Part of her wanted to be forced to face what she’d done—have the words pulled from her so she could be free of them.
But Thu shook her head. “You’d tell me if you were ready to talk about it.”
Harper stared at Thu for a moment before nodding and snuggling into her side. Thu switched the channel and shifted to a comfortable position.
After a few minutes, Thu spoke again, her voice tinged with uncharacteristic caution. “You know what’s happening, though, right?”
Harper shifted to look at her friend. “Happening with what?”
Thu let out a long sigh, chewing on her bottom lip. “You haven’t heard from him at all?”
“He called me once but I didn’t answer. Why? What aren’t you telling me?”
Thu looked down at her hands, seeming to search endlessly for words. A trickle of dread snaked down Harper’s spine. Thu was never at a loss for words.
Thu finally looked up, meeting Harper’s eyes. “I just really think you need to go talk to Dan.”
CHAPTER 35
HARPER
The next morning, Harper made her way to Dan’s apartment. She hadn’t been able to get any more information from Thu, who just repeatedly told her it wasn’t her information to share, whatever the hell that meant.
Harper knew she should have called first, but she had a feeling that whatever it was, it wasn’t something she wanted to learn about over the phone. And, for some reason, the idea of dialing his number, taking the chance of the call ringing into the abyss unanswered, felt way more daunting.
But, as she mounted the stairs to his apartment, the queasy jostle of nerves in her stomach had her second-guessing that decision.
As Harper stood outside his door, trying to find the courage to knock, she realized how weird it was that she’d never been to his place before. He had so easily melded into her space, into her life, never forcing her to take a step out of her own little bubble.
She was pathetic.
Taking a deep breath, she lifted her fist to knock, but the door swung open before she could make contact. It took Harper a few moments to process what she saw.
Dan blinked at her in surprise, and she returned the look. Two cardboard moving boxes were stacked in his arms, leaning against his chest. She stared at those boxes until her vision blurred into nothing but that jarring brown.
“Is … Is Alex moving?” Harper heard herself ask, her brain functioning in slow motion.
“What are you doing here?” Dan said, his voice flat.
Harper blinked up at him. That was the question, wasn’t it? She didn’t even have an answer. Harper still felt a sharp and keen sense of shame at his suggestion that she needed help. She felt betrayed by him for turning it around on her. But Thu’s words had burrowed into her brain. You accommodate the people you like into your life.
And she liked Dan. He was her best friend. And she’d said nasty, terrible things to him. She felt too much shame and other messy emotions to even think about going back to where they’d been, but she didn’t want to lose him entirely.
“Thu told me I should probably come see you,” Harper said, still unable to process what was happening.
“Oh. Thu.” Dan nodded once, looking away from Harper. After a moment, he blew out a breath and set the boxes down. He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. He wasn’t going to let her in.
“Is your head okay?” he asked.