“Squeeze that hot piece of ass into a pair of skinny jeans, put on a bra that pushes your titties up to your neck, find a T-shirt—preferably a dark one because you get sweaty when you’re nervous—and finish it with that biker jacket you stole from me. Then go and take about six shots of whatever alcohol you have and calm the fuck down,” Thu said, glaring at Harper for a solid minute before returning to her toes.
Harper glanced at the time and realized she only had fifteen minutes to finish getting ready. Her stomach squeezed and fluttered. Butterflies didn’t do it justice; it was more like a giant hawk flapping around in there.
“Thanks, Thu-Thu, you’re the best. I’ll call you later.”
“Wear a condom. Make good choices. Don’t be afraid to live tweet this.”
Harper ended the call and hoisted a dark pair of jeans over her clammy thighs, then opted for a slightly more sensible bra than Thu suggested. She finished pulling on her shoes when the intercom buzzed. She answered it in about 0.004 seconds.
So chill.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Dan. Ready Freddy?”
Harper let out a fangirl-like sigh and rested her forehead on the door. He was so cool.
“Be right down,” she said into the intercom, praying her voice crack wouldn’t be noticeable on his end. Every inch of her skin tickled, and her fingers felt jumpy with nerves. She tried gulping in a few deep breaths and ended up doubling over, violently choking on air and spit.
Judy made a soft mewling sound at Harper’s feet, and Harper gave the cat’s chin a scratch.
“Hi, sweet-precious-angel-baby. This might be goodbye, because mommy is likely going to die of a heart attack tonight due to a boy with one dimple who makes her brain sludgy.”
Judy tilted her head.
“And the scariest part is,” Harper continued, “I kind of like it. I’m so screwed.”
Judy gave a graceless flop to her side to expose her giant belly.
Harper sighed. “Good talk, Judy.”
She took one more deep breath and headed out the door.
There was no hiding the smile that pushed itself across her cheeks when she saw Dan leaning on the railing outside of her front door. The sharpness of her nerves morphed into a fuzzy sort of excitement.
As she stepped outside, he smiled too. A huge, unabashed grin pointed directly at her in a way that made warmth flood her chest.
“Hi,” she said, and raised her hand in an awkward flappy wave.
“Hi,” he said back, mimicking the gesture. She watched his eyes travel the length of her body. “You’re wearing clothes.” He sounded surprised.
Harper’s eyes shot down herself. This was … true? She gave him a questioning look. “It’s a little cold to go without…” A gust of wind whipped at her hair as if to prove her point.
“Yes—sorry—that was a weird way of saying it. I realized I’ve only ever seen you in scrubs.”
She let out a too-loud laugh and tugged at her hair. “Should I change?”
“No! Sorry.” Dan rubbed a hand over his eyes and groaned. “Wow. I’m bad at this. This is me trying to tell you that you look really nice.” He shot her a goofy grin that squeezed her heart.
He leaned in close to her ear and said, in a stage whisper, “Next, I’ll show you how I can fit both of my feet into my mouth … at the same time.”
Harper let out a burst of laughter. The fact that she wasn’t alone in her obnoxious twist of nerves helped settle her churning stomach. Kind of.
They started walking.
“So where do you grocery shop?” he asked.
“It’s a toss-up between the overpriced co-op and the world’s jankiest Fresh Grocer.” She waggled her eyebrows at him. “Take your pick.”
“As much as I’d like to spoil you with expensive produce, an extra-janky Fresh Grocer sounds way more fun.”
Harper stopped and put a hand on his arm, stopping him in his tracks. “I hope you’re not implying you’re buying my groceries.”
He smiled down at her. “I’m not implying anything. I’m stating a fact,” he said, and continued walking.
“Um, no.” She did an awkward little half jog to catch up with his long stride.
He shrugged. “We’ll see.”
“Yeah, we will,” she said sternly.
He shot her a wink and her knees turned watery.
“What did you do today?” Dan asked, placing a guiding hand on her back as they crossed the street. The soft gesture made happiness purr through her, reminding her lonely body of the incomparable comfort of simple human touch, and how long she’d been deprived of it.