Her hair was a wild mass of waves from the wind, cheeks bright red from the cold, and Dan resisted the urge to lean forward and kiss the tip of her pink nose.
Tension pumped around them as they defrosted, and questions whirled through Dan’s mind. Would she invite him up? Would they make plans to see each other again? Would he finally be able to kiss her delicious red lips and bring a physical form to the connection he felt for her?
Harper looked at him and audibly swallowed. Her eyes were filled with fear and fire that set his heart hammering.
“Well,” she said, bouncing on her toes. “This was fun.”
Dan chuckled. This was the best day he’d had in months.
“Yeah, fun,” he said, taking a step toward her.
“And thank you, again, for the groceries.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“My pleasure,” he murmured, taking one more step and coming toe-to-toe with her. He set the bags on either side of her feet.
All coldness had left the small space. There was nothing but heat radiating between their bodies, fueled by their rapid, humid breaths. Their chests were rising and falling sharply, creating the whisper of a touch with each inhale.
Dan wanted to close the distance, broach the centimeters that separated their bodies. Touch and grab and hold every inch of her.
The urge was so far beyond lust.
It was the simple, primitive need to feel connected.
Something deep within him recognized a matching piece in Harper. He knew the moment his lips touched hers, that piece would pivot from searching to found.
He lifted his hand and cupped her jaw, rubbing his thumb across her soft skin. He felt her tense for a moment before relaxing and pressing lightly against his palm. He let his fingers trail down her throat and rest on her shoulder as he looked into the bottomless depths of her near-black eyes before closing his. He pushed forward.
Where his lips should have felt the soft lusciousness of hers, there was … nothing.
He blinked open his eyes.
She’d pulled her head back.
Holyfuck. Holyfuck. Holyfuck.
He had misread this.
Holy. Fuck.
He had no idea what to do. His neck snapped back, and his spine went ramrod straight as he took a giant step away from her.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, embarrassment pounding through him.
He’d been so sure she felt the connection too.
Harper reached out and grabbed his coat collar, panic in her own eyes. As she registered what she was doing, she dropped her grip like she’d been burned. She buried her head in her hands and let out a long groan.
“It’s not you,” she said, the words muffled by her hands. “Please, please, please don’t be sorry. I-I wanted you to kiss me…”
Dan stared at her, waiting for more of an explanation.
“But?” he finally prompted.
She sighed and looked at the ceiling, knotting her hands in her hair, as her words tumbled out in a rush. “But I know that if you kiss me, I’ll want more than that, and I can’t do more than a kiss. I can’t do any of this right now.”
There was a heavy, silent pause.
Dan opened his mouth, choosing his words carefully. “Harper, I’m not expecting you to have sex with me, if that’s what you think any of this means. I hope you know I would never assume that of you.”
She snapped her gaze to his, and her face flushed crimson. “No! No. I know that’s not what you mean by any of … this. That’s not what I’m trying—I mean, if only it were as simple as us just having sex.”
Dan’s eyebrows flew up.
“Fuck! I’m messing this up,” she said, tugging at her hair. “What I’m trying to say—I guess I mean.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I’m trying to say that I like you. And if you kiss me, I’ll want more. I’ll want more dates and more kisses and more time with you and I can’t do that right now … Not at this point in my life.”
He stared at her. He’d be more than happy to give her all those wants ten times over. “Why?”
Her face was pained as she chewed on her lip. “Because none of the programs I applied to are in Philly, which means I’ll be leaving in May. And maybe that seems far off to you, but I can’t have these distractions, and neglect everything I’ve been working toward, for this to end in a goodbye in five months.”
Dan felt her words sink into his skin. It wasn’t the idea of Harper moving or the distance that would separate them that scared him. She could tell him she was moving to China and he would walk, run, or swim to see her as often as he could. Miles were a minor barrier to be with a person like her. It was the fact that she assumed five months would end in goodbye.