“My future is too important,” Harper said defensively, swiping crumbs off the counter.
“You’ll avoid dating forever with that one,” Thu said. “Maybe—and this is absolutely batshit ludicrous, so bear with me—but maybe you try dating to include someone in your future. Wild, I know.”
Harper rolled her eyes.
Thu’s gaze narrowed, and her teasing took on a more serious note. “You kind of have the future thing figured out, though. You’re graduating in a few months, and we all know you’ll get into residency and move to a new city, so why not have a little fun before you go? Because you know after that is private practice and shucking wisdom teeth for the next thirty years, resulting in a cushy retirement. Seems like the only future you haven’t planned is one where you have someone to share that with. Kind of a sad way to go through life if you ask me.”
Harper opened her mouth to defend herself, but Thu held up a hand to silence her.
“And no matter how much you’re going to argue and say surgery isn’t a job, it’s a passion, you’re smart enough to recognize the burnout that’s attached. With no one around to share that with, it seems a surefire way to end up not only alone but extremely lonely … But what do I know?” Thu said with a shrug, giving Harper a meaningful look before digging back into her pastry.
Harper stood in stunned silence, unable to meet any of her friends’ eyes. As it always did, her nervous body picked up the tension shift immediately, overreacting to the energy a thousand-fold. Her heart started thrumming, blood painfully pulsing to the very tips of her fingers and toes as anxiety swirled around her chest.
“I’ll see you guys later,” Harper said, hoisting her backpack onto her shoulder and turning to leave.
“Oh, come on, Harps, she was just teasing,” Indira said, reaching out and squeezing Harper’s arm.
“I know,” Harper said, plastering on a fake smile as embarrassment pricked at her eyes. “I really have to go study, though.” She bolted for the door and headed back to the dental school, working to compress that growing anxiety into a tiny box in the pit of her stomach.
Her friends didn’t get it. Harper doubted anyone ever would.
It wasn’t like she wanted to be like this. She was lonely—but it was a loneliness so bone-deep, it wasn’t something a simple boyfriend could take away. Her constant flood of panic wasn’t an emotional hurdle she needed to jump, it was her second skin, a pulsing physical barrier that kept her separated from everyone.
How was she supposed to date when even the simplest things threatened to disrupt her emotional equilibrium? How was she supposed to regularly and willfully plunge herself into the heart palpitations and a churning stomach that came with opening herself up to someone? And how was she supposed to expect another person to see her chaotic ugliness and still want to be with her?
There was no point in setting herself up for failure.
CHAPTER 3
DAN
Dan couldn’t suppress his grin when class let out. He’d spent most of the day zoning out of lectures, Harper’s warm brown eyes and nervous smile popping into his mind and sending a jolt of excitement to his fingers.
“Dude, you okay?”
Dan snapped back to reality to find his friend Alex eyeing him.
“Yeah, why?”
“I’ve never seen you smile at school before.”
Dan opened his mouth to argue, but realized Alex had a point. Dental school had been a choice not entirely Dan’s own, and as his first year clipped along at a brutal pace, the stress of the program and competitive attitude of his classmates did little to assure him he’d chosen wisely.
“I think I met a girl,” he muttered. He didn’t really want to talk to Alex about it, but couldn’t resist the urge to bring up Harper. Alex’s eyebrows disappeared behind his floppy black hair as he fixed Dan with a sly smile.
“What girl?”
“Her name is Harper. She’s a fourth-year, I think.”
Alex’s smile turned to wide-eyed shock. “Harper Horowitz?”
Dan shrugged, studying Alex’s reaction. “I didn’t get her last name. Why? Do you know her?”
“Um, yeah, I know her. She’s like some sort of genius gunner or something.”
“Gunner?”
Alex rolled his eyes. “You know—the over-the-top intense people who will do anything to get into residency. Studying all night, straight As, perfect board scores. She’s OMFS, so that’s super gunner status. She basically has her choice of specialty program.”