That kernel was still flickering as Nesta faced that day’s task. The task that was so long overdue.
Feyre left the ornate black carriage at the base of the grassy hill, carrying Nyx as the three of them scaled its soft slope. The city spread before them, glowing in the spring sunshine, but Nesta’s eyes remained on the lone stone atop the hill.
Her heart thundered, and she kept a step back as Feyre knelt before the grave marker, showing Nyx to the stone. “Your grandson, Father,” she whispered, voice thick. And then Feyre bowed her head, speaking too low for Nesta or Elain, standing at Nesta’s side, to hear.
After a few minutes, Feyre rose, letting her tears run, as holding the babe kept her hands occupied. Elain went forward, whispered a few things to their father’s grave, and then both sisters looked to Nesta, smiling tentatively.
Feyre had asked this morning if Nesta wanted to come. To show their father the baby.
And there had been no answer in Nesta’s heart except one.
So she nodded to her sisters to go on ahead, and they obeyed, easing back down the grassy hill as Nesta lingered by the gravestone.
She searched for the words, for any explanation or apology, but none came.
The sun was a warm hand on her shoulder, like the one that had prevented the last of her power from vanishing, as if telling her that the apology, the begging for forgiveness … it was no longer needed.
Her father had died for her, with love in his heart, and though she might not have deserved it then … She would do all she could now to earn it. To deserve not just his love, but that of those around her. Of Cassian.
Some days might indeed be difficult, but she’d do it. Fight for it.
Her father had died for her, with love in his heart, and Nesta held love in her own heart as she pulled the small, carved rose from her pocket and set it upon the gravestone. A permanent marker of the beauty and good he’d tried to bring into the world.
Nesta brought her fingers to her lips, pressed a kiss to them, then laid her hand upon the gravestone.
“Thank you,” she said, blinking back the stinging in her eyes. “Thank you.”
A swift shadow passed overhead, followed by a whisper of wings, and Nesta didn’t need to look to know who sailed high above, making sure all was safe. That she was safe.
Busybody. But she blew Cassian a soft kiss, too.
Her mate. Her love. Her friend. The light within her chest brightened to a radiant sun.
She found Feyre and Elain waiting halfway down the hill, Nyx now dozing peacefully in Elain’s arms. Her sisters beamed, beckoning her to join.
And Nesta smiled back, her steps light as she hurried down the hill to meet them.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Coming to the end of this book was a journey years in the making in so many ways, from the initial pages that I jotted down while working on A Court of Wings and Ruin to the years since then spent drafting, revising, refining. But perhaps most important, this book was a companion during my own journey through the valleys and mountains of mental health, traveling alongside me as I faced all the jagged bits inside myself. While Nesta’s story is in no way a direct reflection of my own experiences, there were moments in this book that I very much needed to write—not just for the sake of these characters, but for myself. I hope some of those moments resonate, and will remind you, dear reader, that you are loved, and that you are worthy of love, no matter what.
I’m tremendously grateful to be surrounded by people in my professional and personal life who have unflinchingly walked along those hills and valleys with me, especially during such a tumultuous time for our entire world.
To my son, Taran: you bring me joy, and strength, and such love that my heart is overflowing with it every single day. Your laugh is the most beautiful music in the world. （I’m writing that even though you just tried to eat packing peanuts while I wasn’t looking.） I’m so honored to be your mom, and I’m so proud of you. I love you, baby bunny.
To my husband, Josh: there are so many pieces of our story scattered throughout all my books, but this one seems to have gotten the lion’s share. From the moment I laid eyes on you in our dorm common room sixteen years ago, I knew you’d be The One. Don’t ask me how, but you walked in, and I just knew. But I still had no idea what a remarkable, wonderful path we’d walk together—the places we’d see, the life we’d build, and the family we’d create. Thank you for loving me through all of it.
To Annie, my fur-baby and most loyal companion: you are the best sister imaginable to Taran, the best copilot while writing these books, and the best cuddler after a long day of work. I adore your curly tail, your bat ears, your unfailing sass—and your sweet, loving soul.