His tone heated in anger. “But I threw it all away. What an idiot!”
Lauren didn’t have the words to help. She wanted to. She wished she could.
“Your brother, man, he was the best kind of friend.” Will seemed lost in a memory. “He came home from school that Christmas break and spoke hard truth to me. Said my life was my choice, and told me it was time to grow up. He drove me to a rehab program, then visited me every day until he had to go back for the next semester.”
Lauren stilled. “He never said a word.”
“Like I said, he’s a good friend.” Will glanced over at her, and it occurred to Lauren that this was their first meaningful conversation. Perhaps she shouldn’t mark that in her mind, but she did.
“I think of how I’m coaching now, and I tell myself, ‘that’s good.’ I’ve had so many second chances, I’m not willing to throw this one away because I want something more,” he said. “I get to be around baseball—that’s enough.”
“But it’s not, is it?”
His gaze followed a couple pushing a double stroller with two bundled up children inside. Their faces lit with excitement as they trudged through the snow toward the festivities, but she had a feeling he wasn’t really looking at anything at all. “Between you and me—sometimes I don’t want to be the assistant anymore. I want my own team. My own program. I think I’m good at this, you know?” The look on his face when he turned back toward her tugged like a weight on her heart. Like he wanted to believe it, but he was afraid to. She could only nod in response.
“But then I think it’s kind of cocky to want more than I have when I don’t deserve a second chance.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” she said.
“Nice of you to say, but come on.”
She reached out and put her hand on his.
“Will. I don’t think that’s true.”
He looked at her hand, then up at her face. “You don’t?” There was a brief hint of hopefulness in his eyes.
She pulled her hand back. “I think you found a way to go on. You changed.”
Do I believe that?
“You figured out what was important to you, and, I don’t know—not everyone can do that when life knocks them down.”
He held her gaze for a long moment, and when his eyes drifted to her lips, she felt it in every nerve of her body.
The back of her mind shouted Run away! But she didn’t. Instead, she sat there, staring at him, just like she had That Night.
“My boss is retiring at the end of this year.”
Lauren pressed her lips together and squinted at him. “And why haven’t you applied for the job?”
He shook his head. “What if they tell me I’m not ready or I’m not qualified or they don’t want me?”
She didn’t understand. She was so used to simply asking for what she wanted at her job. Deciding what it was and going for it—that was how it was done, right? She couldn’t wrap her head around this contradiction in front of her. Will, so confident it almost read as cocky, and yet, nervous to take this risk.
All at once, Will shed his superhero costume and transformed into his very human alter ego.
“And what if they tell you that you’re perfect for it?” she asked, quietly.
“My past has a way of not staying in the past.”
“But you’ve proven you can do the job. Look at Jackson.”
“That’s not as big a deal as you think it is.”
“Will, there are plenty of people coaching and teaching who don’t care about the kids at all. Tell me I’m wrong.”
He said nothing.
“You’re not like that. You’re different.”
“But. . .”
“And I’m sure people would be willing to take that into consideration.”
“Lauren, it’s. . .”
“You should send them an email right now and let them know you want it.”
“I don’t deserve it!” he snapped.
And in that moment, she realized.
She found it easy to take risks in her career. She was confident, and she knew her strengths. She had no problem believing she could handle more responsibility—and that she’d be great at it.
But when it came to relationships, to putting herself out there with other people, she remained closed off, unwilling to risk getting hurt again. Very few people really knew her, and that was how she liked it.
For Will, it was the exact opposite. His magnetic personality drew people to him. He was easy-going and friendly and genuinely seemed to love getting to know everyone that came in his path.