I picture him running down that hallway, barreling through piles of trash and the mangy cat and the cigarette butts discarded on the carpet. Pounding on a locked door, his screams falling on deaf ears. Running into the kitchen, shaking his mother’s arm. DO SOMETHING. I imagine the same sense of panic I had felt when I stumbled into my parents’ bedroom, my mother’s almost-lifeless body crumpled into a heap in the closet, as if she were nothing more than dirty clothes that had spilled over the side of the hamper. Cooper, staring. Doing nothing. The realization that we were on our own.
“And that’s when I knew she had to go. If I didn’t get her out of there, she would never leave. She would turn into my mother, or worse. She would turn up dead.”
I let myself take a step in his direction—a single step. He doesn’t seem to notice; he’s lost in the memory now, letting it spill freely. Roles reversed.
“I heard about your father down in Breaux Bridge, and that’s where I got the idea. The inspiration. To make her disappear.”
That article pushed into his bookshelf, my father’s mug shot.
RICHARD DAVIS NAMED AS BREAUX BRIDGE SERIAL KILLER, BODIES STILL UNFOUND.
“She went to a friend’s house after school and never came home. My parents didn’t even realize she was gone until the following night. Twenty-four hours missing … nothing.” He waves his hand, makes a poof motion. “I kept waiting for them to say something. I just kept sitting there, waiting for them to notice. To call the police, something. But they never did. She was only thirteen.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Her friend’s mom called the next day, the friend whose house she had been at—I guess she left her textbook there, she knew she wouldn’t need it anymore—and that’s when they realized it. Someone else’s parent noticed before they did. By then, everyone just assumed the same thing happened to her as all those other girls. That she was taken.”
I imagine Sophie on that dingy television, the kitchen counter kind they had plopped on top of a portable table in the living room. That same school picture, her only picture, flashing onto the screen. Dianne watching as Daniel smiled quietly in the corner, knowing the truth.
“Then where is she?” I ask. “If she’s still alive—”
“Hattiesburg, Mississippi.” He says it with an exaggerated twang, like a misplaced commuter reading it off a map. “Little brick house, green shutters. I stop by and see her when I can, when I’m driving.”
I close my eyes. I recognize that town from one of his receipts. Hattiesburg, Mississippi. A diner called Ricky’s. Chicken Caesar salad and a cheeseburger, medium well. Two glasses of wine. Twenty percent tip.
“She’s fine, Chloe. She’s alive. She’s safe. That’s all I ever wanted.”
It’s starting to make sense now, but not in the way I had expected it to. I’m still not sure if I can believe him, fully. Because there’s still so much that has yet to be explained.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to.” I try to ignore the begging in his voice, the little quiver that makes it sound like he might cry. “You have no idea how many times I almost just came out and said it.”
“Then why didn’t you? I told you about my family.”
“That’s exactly why,” he says, tugging at the ends of his hair. He sounds frustrated now, like we’re arguing over the dishes. “I always knew who you were, Chloe. I knew the second I saw you in that lobby. And then that day at the bar, you weren’t bringing it up, and I didn’t want to bring it up for you. That’s not the kind of thing you should be forced into saying.”
Those little nudges, the way he couldn’t seem to stop staring. I think about that night on the couch, and my face flushes with blood.
“You let me tell you everything and you acted like you didn’t already know.”
I can’t help but feel angry as the magnitude of his lies settles over me. At the things he had made me believe, the way he had made me feel.
“What was I supposed to say? Stop you mid-sentence? Oh yeah, Dick Davis. He gave me the idea to fake my sister’s murder.” He snorts a little self-deprecating laugh, then almost as suddenly, his face goes serious again. “I didn’t want you to think that everything up until that moment had been a lie.”
I remember that night so vividly, the way I had felt lighter after that, after telling him everything. My insides raw but clean, a verbal purging to get the sickness out. His finger on my chin, tilting it up. Those words for the first time. I love you.