The two women locked eyes. Only the baby moved a muscle and even she seemed to sense that now was not the time to cry. Patricia’s mind was swirling, unsure of what her next move should be. Clearly this was some sort of game, but what was winning and who decided which woman lost? Through her confusion, one thing was sure: if winning meant losing the baby then she had no interest in victory.
‘Wait!’ Patricia called across the room. Even the way Mrs Foley was holding the child, not cradled in her arms, but gripped against her hip with one elbow like laundry, made her anxious. She dreaded to think what fate would befall Elizabeth if she was taken from this room.
‘Yes?’ Mrs Foley sounded calm, uninterested even. Patricia held out her arms to take the baby. One horrible moment of not knowing, and then Mrs Foley broke the spell, walking over to Patricia and handing her Elizabeth.
‘If you’re sure,’ she said with a triumphant smirk.
NOW
Elizabeth wasn’t certain why she had come back here. To pay her last respects, or did part of her still hope that the old man might suddenly be jolted back to consciousness by her presence and reveal her past? She parked her car on the apron of gravel outside Abbey Court. Quite a few of the spaces were taken, so she hoped it might be a better time for visiting.
Inside, the doors to the day room were open and several older people sat slumped in chairs, staring into the middle distance. A few of them had visitors with them, some chatting, others just sharing the silence. No one greeted her, so Elizabeth headed straight for Edward’s room.
He looked as though he hadn’t moved since the day before: still propped up on pillows, arms crossed over his chest, eyes lightly closed. It wasn’t clear if he was asleep or simply resting. His parchment skin had a recently washed sheen to it even though there was an orange stain around his thin lips from whatever he had been fed. Patricia stood at the door for a moment just looking at him lying in his bed. This man, who her mother had erased from her childhood, was now the only real link she had to her past. Her father. She stepped forward.
‘Hello, Daddy.’ Elizabeth knew she was being foolish, but couldn’t help herself. She wanted to hear her voice say those words. There was no reaction from the bed, just the slow, even rasp of the old man’s breathing. She went and sat beside him. The picture of the wedding was still in her pocket and she had intended to return it, but now she had second thoughts. Surely it meant more to her than anyone else? She couldn’t imagine the collection of bones in front of her held together by faded pyjamas was ever going to want to see the face of his bride once more. They sat in silence. Somewhere nearby an electrical hum shuddered to a halt. Footsteps squeaked by on the polished lino of the corridor.
As if to give her visit a purpose, Elizabeth reached out and took her father’s hand. It was warmer than she had expected and the skin was rough and cracked. Their fingers were interlinked and she studied his nails and knuckles and imagined the last time they had touched her. How tiny she must have been.
Without warning Edward suddenly turned his head to look at her. She gave a little start of surprise. It was as if the dead had come to life. His dark eyes were open and staring at her and the tip of his tongue was moving gently against his dry lips.
Trying not to sound alarmed, Elizabeth leaned forward.
‘Hello.’
Her father gave a small cough and swivelled his eyes towards the bedside locker. Elizabeth picked up the plastic sipping cup he was looking at and held it to his mouth. He sucked at the raised hole in the lid three times and then moved away. She put the cup back.
‘Is that better?’ she asked.
Another cough.
‘I’m Elizabeth.’ She was going to add that she was his daughter, but then thought better of it. She didn’t want to give him a shock. Her return to his life shouldn’t end it.
A look of pain took hold of her father’s face and then he spoke. But what had he said? It sounded like ‘gorilla’。
‘I’m sorry. I don’t understand.’
He spoke again. This time a different word. Hill? Heel, maybe?
‘Are you in pain? Will I get a nurse?’
With a great effort he stuck his tongue out and licked his lips before swallowing. His hand tightened its grip on hers.
‘What is it? What do you need?’ Elizabeth hoped that someone might come into the room. She was feeling out of her depth. The look of pain came over his face again. He said something else that Elizabeth couldn’t understand, but then his eyes widened and he moved his other hand to hold hers.