And I wasn’t exactly sure when I started to care if the wolven lived or died, but his death would be…it would be yet another unnecessary one. I didn’t want that.
“Casteel,” I tried, hoping that would garner his attention, and not of the murderous variety.
He didn’t seem to hear me, his chin dropping even lower as his fingers slid from my hips. Snarling, he bared his fangs.
“I hope you’re listening, Poppy,” Kieran said, voice low and unbelievably calm as he let go of the hilt of his sword. “When he lunges for me, I need you to run. Go to the area near the stables. It will have double doors. Find Naill or Delano. Get ready.”
Get ready? He expected me to run? Besides the fact that I rarely ran for help, I doubted that I would even make it to the door.
“Casteel,” I tried again, and when I felt the power coiling in him, I did the only thing I could think of. Using my gift, I reached out and placed my hand on his arm. I thought of every wonderful feeling I’d ever felt. Walking on the beach with my mother holding one hand and my father holding the other with Ian dancing in front of us, kicking up sand. I sent that through the connection, through the contact of my flesh to his, using the same technique I did to temporarily give a reprieve from pain. I didn’t know why I said what I did next, other than I needed to. “It’s okay, Hawke.”
His entire body jerked as if an invisible hand had grabbed him by his shoulder and pulled. Chest rising and falling in rapid, short pants, his back bowed as his hands landed on either side of my hips. He didn’t move. Not for several long moments, but slowly, through my abilities, I no longer had the charred taste in my mouth, and I felt something under the hunger—a cyclone of shame and sadness.
Slowly, he lifted his head and opened his eyes. I let out a ragged breath. They were amber, the only black his pupils. His gaze met mine, and a long moment stretched out between us. Swallowing thickly, I dropped my hand as he looked down.
“Honeydew,” Casteel whispered. He grabbed the halves of my robe, tugging it over my hips and my thighs. His hands lingered there, a faint tremor coursing through them as he lifted his gaze to mine once more. “I’m sorry.”
And then he rose from the bed and walked out of the terrace doors, past Kieran, without saying another word.
Chapter 23
Sunlight streamed in through the terrace doors, and for several moments, all I could do was sit there and stare at the open door. I couldn’t believe what’d happened, from the moment I woke up, all tangled up with him, until he left the bedchamber. What had happened to him left me confused. And my actions, what I’d done and allowed, left me stunned and in a daze.
Casteel had lost his mind.
I’d lost my mind.
Kieran closed the door, cutting off the rush of sweet-scented air and snapping me from my thoughts. My gaze cut to where he stood in front of the fireplace. The flames had calmed, no longer stirred by the wind. “Did he hurt you?”
“What?” My voice was hoarse as I blinked.
“Did he hurt you, Penellaphe?” Kieran repeated, his voice softening.
“No. He…” I looked at my bare legs. He hadn’t hurt me. He could’ve, and I wasn’t even sure if he hadn’t wanted to, but he’d done the furthest thing from hurting me. Reaching for the blanket, I tugged it to my waist.
A muscle flexed in Kieran’s jaw. “He didn’t force himself on you?”
“Gods, no.” I shoved the hair back from my face and caught sight of the knife. It remained where I’d dropped it on the bed. Casteel hadn’t forced anything, and the truth was, I could’ve stopped what’d happened at any point if I wanted to. I could’ve wounded him enough to attempt an escape. But I hadn’t because I…I’d wanted what’d happened. I’d woken up wanting that. And I didn’t know if Casteel had sensed my desire through whatever had its claws in him, but regardless, I had wanted that.
Him.
I searched for remorse or shame, anything that would show that I regretted what’d taken place, but there was nothing. Like before, there was just vast confusion and irritation with myself because I knew better—knew that things like this just aided in me falling more and more for him. Not too long ago, I had told him that nothing like that would ever happen again, and I’d proven that I couldn’t trust myself to make good life choices—not once or twice but three times. The pantry. The nightmare. And now, this. How could I want him so badly that I didn’t care about what he did or who he was? Or what he might do to me?