“Great.”
I shot him an arch look. “It’s really your fault, by the way.”
“Probably should’ve kept my mouth shut.”
“I sort of wished you had.”
“But I didn’t.”
“No,” I sighed, picking at the napkin on the table. “Where is he?”
“Who?”
My head tipped to the side. “Like you don’t know.”
“I know a lot of hes.”
“Hes isn’t a word,” I muttered. “Where is Casteel? Is he…？”
“Is he what?” he quietly asked when I didn’t continue.
“What if he’s not okay?” I glared at him. “If he was closer to the edge than you realized, what if he’s out there, feeding off…random people.”
“I haven’t known you for long.” He gave a shake of his head, and I thought maybe he was searching for patience. “But sometimes, the things your mind conjures worry me.”
“I think it’s a valid concern,” I grumbled.
“I imagine he’s cooled down, gotten himself ready, and is speaking with people.” Kieran looked at me from the side of his eye. “Glad to see that you’re acknowledging that you care for him and are questioning his wellbeing.”
I started to tell him that I wasn’t, but that would have been an obvious lie. Kieran knew it. I knew it. And I hated everyone, but especially Kieran.
Something occurred to me in that moment, and I got up close and personal with abject horror. I had no idea what I was going to say to him about this morning. Not about the whole feeding thing. I knew what I needed to do to make sure he didn’t go all Ascended-eyed on me again. But the other thing? Could I just pretend like it didn’t happen?
That seemed like a successful plan.
Shoulders slumping, I changed the subject. “Can I ask you something?”
“I have a feeling if I said no, it wouldn’t stop you.”
He was right. It wouldn’t. I kept my voice incredibly low. “Casteel said that if I refused the marriage, he’d let me go. That he would take me somewhere safe. Was he telling the truth?”
Kieran looked at me, brows raised. “So, you’re basically asking me to betray him?”
“I’m not asking—okay. I am.”
“He wasn’t lying,” Kieran said after a moment. “If you had refused, he would’ve let you go. But I doubt you would’ve been free of him.”
The corners of my lips turned down. “If I’m not free of him, how would he have let me go?”
Kieran lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
My frown increased, but then I shook my head as I looked to the door. Knowing he wasn’t lying meant something. It meant a lot because Casteel would do anything to get his brother back.
Except he wouldn’t force me to marry him to achieve what he wanted. He wouldn’t use me as ransom, and for the first time since all of this began, I truly realized his plans to use me had changed long before I was even aware—probably even before he was aware they had. It wasn’t just his claim or what Kieran said. It was all of that and Casteel’s own actions. I just didn’t want to accept it—to see or understand. Because while Casteel wasn’t a monster, he was capable of doing monstrous things to get what he wanted. But I was exempt. He wasn’t the good guy—the savior or the saint. He’d killed to free his brother. He’d used countless others—mortals and Atlantians alike—to free his sibling. And he still would. To him, the means justified the end.
But Casteel had drawn a line that he wouldn’t cross.
And that line was me.
Truly acknowledging that was terrifying. Already, my heart was pounding, and that swelling sensation had returned, filling my chest. And that scared me. Ignoring and denying what I felt for him was easier when I could convince myself that I was nothing more than a pawn—another means to justify the end.
Now, there was no ignoring or denying anything.
I didn’t know if that meant what Kieran had claimed—that Casteel and I were heartmates, but it did mean something. What that changed for me—for us—I also didn’t know.
I took a breath. It went nowhere, and it felt like the floor was moving—the whole world was shifting under me, even though I was sitting. “I’m going to do it.”
“I’m half-afraid to ask what it is you’re going to do.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to offer myself up…for dinner basically. To Casteel,” I tacked on.