Plus, she was a wolven, faster and stronger than a mortal, and fighting her would be a lot like fighting a knight. I needed the practice.
We drew a bit of a crowd, but Casteel was still with the people. According to Vonetta, he was helping to determine who could fight.
When I saw Casteel again, it was when Delano brought me to the small room off the dining room where dinner was spent discussing strategies. The fact that Casteel had thought to include me in the meeting didn’t go unnoticed by me or by anyone else in the room.
By the time night arrived, and I’d returned to the bedchamber, Casteel still hadn’t. I spent several hours nervously pacing and thinking about things—about everything that had happened before Casteel entered my life, and everything that had happened since. I thought about my gift—how it was changing, how I glowed like moonlight. And I thought about all that Casteel had said and what had been left unsaid.
I thought about how I was so damn tired of pretending.
At some point, after walking myself ragged, I finally fell asleep, dressed just in case the Ascended showed. I wasn’t even sure what woke me, but when I opened my eyes, the grayish light of dawn crept into the room, and Casteel was in the bed beside me, propped up against a mountain of pillows. His long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, feet bare. His hands were loose in his lap. He was awake, looking at me.
“Are you watching me sleep?”
“Not now. I was a few minutes ago,” he admitted, one side of his lips curving up. “Now, I’m talking to you.”
“That’s creepy,” I murmured. “The watching me while I sleep part.”
“Possibly.”
“You have no shame.” I rolled onto my back.
He smiled faintly at that, but it didn’t reach his eyes—eyes that were tired.
“Have you slept at all?”
“Not yet.”
The mess that was my hair toppled over my shoulders as I sat up. “I know you’re this insanely powerful elemental, but you need to rest.”
That half-grin appeared, the dimple in his right cheek peeking. “Are you worried about me, Princess?”
I started to tell him no. To deny that I was because that was what I’d always done. It was the easiest—and the safest—but I was tired.
Of lying.
Of pretending.
That was something else I’d thought about as I stood on the Rise overnight after preparing myself for the inevitable. I thought about my future. Who I used to be, who I was becoming, and who I wanted to be. And it was strange how revelations felt like they happened all of a sudden, but in reality, it took many small, almost indiscernible moments over the course of weeks, months, and years. Bottom line, I knew I didn’t want to be someone who hid anymore, whether behind a veil, to others, or to myself.
Just like I’d said at dinner, I hadn’t changed because of Casteel. I’d been in the process long before he came into my life, but he was a catalyst. Just like all those times I’d snuck out to explore, the books I’d been forbidden yet read, and when I smiled at the Duke, knowing I’d be punished later. Vikter’s death was also a turning point.
“I am,” I told him. “I am worried about you.”
Casteel stared at me, and I didn’t need to read him to know that my answer had shocked him.
“They’re going to come. The Ascended could be here by tonight. You need to sleep. To be rested.” I paused. “And maybe stop staring at me.”
“I…” He blinked, and then his body relaxed once more. “I will rest. We both will. But I need…we need to finish our conversation. It can’t wait.” His gaze returned to mine. “Not any longer.”
My heart kicked around in my chest as I leaned back against the pillows. “Where…where do we start?”
He laughed softly. “Gods, I think I know where to start. You asked if I have any shame? I do have some.” He looked over at me. “Almost all the shame I’ve ever felt has to do with you. I hated lying to you, Poppy. I hated that I was capable of planning to take you—to use you—without ever knowing you. That I even have that capability inside me. I can feel shame for that, but if given the chance to do it again, I would do it exactly the same.”
Casteel’s gaze flickered over my face. “I wasn’t lying earlier when I said I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. It’s not that I wasn’t willing to use everything I had to gain your trust. If it took pretty words and kisses and my body, I would’ve used them all. I would have done anything to free Malik.”