“Do you feel that?” he asked. “What does it feel like?”
“Like…it reminds me of chocolate and berries.” I blinked back tears. “Berries—strawberries? I’ve felt that from Vikter—from Ian and my parents. But I’ve never felt it like this—like it’s more decadent somehow.”
And I thought I knew what it was. It was the emotion behind the long looks and the seeking touches. The feeling behind the way his arm always tightened around me when we rode together and why he was always messing with my hair. It was the emotion that drove him to draw that line he wouldn’t cross with me. It was why he wouldn’t use compulsion, and it was what allowed him to want to protect me but demanded that he allow me to protect myself. It was how when he was with me, he didn’t think of his kingdom, his brother, or the time he’d been a captive.
And it was one of many things forbidden to me as the Maiden.
It was love.
“Don’t cry.” He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed the center of my palm.
“I’m not crying. I’m not sad,” I told him, and he grinned. The stupid dimple in his right cheek appeared. “I hate that stupid dimple.”
“You know what I think?” He kissed the tip of my finger.
“I don’t care.”
The dimple in his left cheek appeared. “I think you feel the exact opposite when it comes to my stupid dimples.”
He was right, and I shuddered.
Casteel let go of my hands and stretched up, cupping my cheeks. He leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine, and I swore I felt his hands tremble. “Always,” he whispered in the breath we shared. “Your heart was always safe with me. It always will be. There is nothing I will protect more fiercely or with more devotion, Poppy. Trust in that—in what you feel from me. In me.”
Trust.
As Casteel, he’d never asked me to trust him. He knew how fragile that was. One crack could bring it all down.
But I knew what I felt.
I nodded. “I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“Neither do I.”
“I…I don’t know what that means for us,” I whispered. “Your people and your parents…they don’t trust me. You’re basically the closest thing to immortal there is, and I’m…my lifespan is a blink. What do we do now?”
“We don’t worry about my people or my parents or our lifespans. Not right now. Not even later. We take this day by day. This is new to you, and in a way, it’s new to me. Let’s make a deal.”
“You and your deals.”
His lips curved into a smile against mine. “Let’s make a deal that we don’t borrow tomorrow’s problems today.”
Tomorrow always came soon enough, but I nodded. Because in the same breath, tomorrow wasn’t today’s problem. “I can agree to that.”
“Good.” He drew back, and I thought there was a sheen to his eyes. “If we’re going to do this, for real, then I feel like I need to make amends. And I know the list of things I should apologize for is long, but I think I should start with this.” He moved then, rising so he was on one knee before me.
My heart hadn’t stopped racing and swelling from the moment we started to really talk. But now, it beat so fast, I didn’t know how I didn’t pass out. He took my hand, and I wondered if he could feel it trembling.
He could.
Casteel folded both hands around mine, steadying my hand. “Penellaphe Balfour?” He stared up at me, and there was no teasing glint to his eyes, no smirk to his lips. No mask. Just him. Casteel Hawkethrone Da’Neer. “Will you do me the honor of allowing me to one day become worthy of you? Will you marry me? Today?”
“Yes. I will give you the honor of becoming my husband, because you’re already worthy of me.”
Casteel’s eyes closed as he shuddered.
“I will marry you.” I dipped down, kissing his forehead. “Today.”
It was like nothing and everything changed after I accepted Casteel’s proposal.
I stood in the bathing chamber, skin mostly dry as I tied the sash on the robe. A pink flush stained my cheeks, and there was a near feverish brightness to my eyes.
It was strange, the nervous flutter in my chest and stomach. Marrying Casteel wasn’t something new, but it was real now, and that changed everything.
What was also strange was the unexpected feeling of lightness, as if a tremendous, suffocating weight had been lifted from me. I hadn’t expected that. I’d thought more guilt would settle on me after admitting what I felt to Casteel. Instead, the guilt and the feeling that I was betraying others and myself had left me.