Another worry manifested. How were we going to convince anyone that we were in a loving relationship when I’d publicly refused the proposal and insinuated, rather clearly, that I thought he’d lost his mind?
How was I supposed to even act? All I had as examples were my parents, and from what I could remember, everything about their love—the long looks and the way they constantly touched one another—had been natural. Something that couldn’t be faked or forced. And the rest of the relationships I’d seen regularly were those of the Ascended, and I’d never seen the Duke and Duchess touch each other. Even Ian never spoke of his wife in any of the letters he sent. Not once beyond announcing their marriage—something I hadn’t been allowed to attend. Then, Queen Ileana’s refusal to allow me to travel had been positioned as a safety concern. But now, I wondered if it was something more.
I should’ve questioned more then, but I had become complacent in the Ascended’s absolute control of me. How did that happen? How did the people of Solis get to the point where so very few questioned handing over their children? Some even happily did so, feeling honored. Was it fear? Misinformation? Lack of access to education and resources? There were so many reasons why, and even more for those who had begun to suspect that things were not as they seemed, yet had made excuses.
Like I had.
Because seeing the truth was terrifying.
And what if Casteel’s plan worked? I saw Ian and…dealt with how that turned out. Then what? Would the Ascended truly change? Would the people of Atlantia be satisfied? And how would we know if the Ascended were following the new rules, living a more restricted life? Even if they did, I doubted the divide between those who lived in places like Radiant Row and the slums by the Rise would suddenly evaporate. The wheel the Ascended created would continue to turn, wouldn’t it? Or would losing the Queen and King scatter the rest of the Ascended, forcing them into a new way of life?
I didn’t know the answers to any of that. All I did know was that the people of Solis couldn’t continue to be preyed upon. And if I could help stop that, then I would.
That was a purpose far greater than the one I’d lived with as the Maiden. It was real. It would change lives. It made me feel as if I had been chosen for something that mattered.
But none of that told me how I was supposed to act in a loving relationship. The Ascended always came across as if they were somehow removed from physical needs, but I knew that wasn’t always the case. Though Duke Teerman’s and Lord Mazeen’s perversions were not good examples of how to behave in a relationship.
My heart beat too fast in my chest as a knock sounded. A moment later, the door cracked open, and Kieran called out, “Want breakfast?”
“Yes.” Dropping the brush, I hurried from the bathing chamber.
Kieran held the door open for me. “Someone is very hungry.”
I wasn’t sure I could consume even a mouthful of food. I stepped out into the walkway to see that the snow had stopped, even though the wind still whipped through the trees, sending the fallen snow whirling across the yard.
“Will we be leaving soon?” I asked. “Since the snow has stopped?”
“I believe Alastir and some of the others will leave later today to check the roads to our east, to see if they’re passable. I hope so since the storm didn’t stretch very far to the west.”
Meaning the roads from Masadonia, or even the capital, wouldn’t be as impassable. “Do you think they realized we haven’t shown at our next location yet?”
“I don’t think so. We have time. Not much, but some,” he said.
It was weird to feel relief, almost as if it were a betrayal of some sort, even though I knew it wasn’t.
“So, Penellaphe. For once, I have a question for you,” Kieran drawled as we entered the stairwell.
I glanced over at him. “Okay?”
“How’s it feel to be on the verge of becoming a real Princess?”
“He told you already?” I didn’t know why that should surprise me. Casteel had probably seen Kieran last night.
“Of course, he did. I probably knew his plans had changed before he did.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m willing to bet his plans changed when he realized I was part Atlantian.”
He smiled, and the expression hid a wealth of mysteries. “His plans changed well before that. But like I said, he hadn’t quite realized that.”
“But you did? You know him that well?”
“I do.”