“Both,” I answered. “I have been trained with a dagger and a sword, as well as a bow. I have also been trained on how to fight, hand-to-hand.”
Surprise and respect settled into his features as he looked down at me. “That is not common for the women of Solis, and especially not for one who was the Maiden.”
“It’s not,” I agreed. “But I was so helpless when my parents died. I was a child, but my mother hadn’t been able to fight back. If she could have, she might’ve survived. I just…I didn’t want to be helpless like that again, and so many people, especially women, never have the opportunity to learn how to protect themselves. They have to rely on others—on the Ascended—and I…I’m beginning to realize that further strengthens the absolute control the Ascended have.”
“But they allowed you to learn how to fight?”
Imagining the Duchess’s or Duke’s reaction to such news, I laughed softly. “No. My guardians would’ve had an absolute fit. But, honestly, I always thought…”
“Thought what?” he prodded when I trailed off.
I wasn’t sure if I should share this, but something about Alastir put me at ease, and maybe that something was how much he reminded me of Vikter. “I always thought Queen Ileana would’ve approved if she’d learned that I could fight. I don’t know why I believe that. It’s just that…the Queen I knew—”
“Isn’t the Queen others know,” he supplied, and I nodded. “People have many different sides to them. Even the Ascended. How did you learn to fight?”
“One of my personal guards taught me in secret. His name was Vikter.” A knot lodged in my throat and stayed there as I told Alastir about him and the risks he took. “He was like a father to me, and I…gods, I miss him so much.”
Alastir had stopped walking as I spoke of Vikter, but he still held my arm. “He sounds like an amazing man.”
“He was, and I—” I blinked back the hot rush of tears. “He should be alive today.”
His gaze searched mine as he said, “And he died at the hands of Descenters who were following Prince Casteel’s lead? How were you able to move past that?”
How? My stomach dipped. I hadn’t moved past that. “I don’t think I will ever get over that.”
“And yet you’ve fallen in love with Casteel? He may not have held the sword—”
“But they killed in his name,” I finished for him. “I know. Casteel knows that. He knows that he is responsible, and I know he loses sleep over it.” My mouth dried as I said, “It hasn’t been easy, but what I feel for him has nothing to do with Vikter.” The lie rolled off my tongue smoothly enough. Maybe too easily. My heart lurched as wind beat at a nearby window. “Nothing about Casteel and I has been easy. I thought he was someone else entirely when we first met, but I started falling for him even then.” And gods, that was the truth. “And so, here we are.”
“Yes, here we are.” Alastir gave a close-lipped smile as he shifted my arm so his hand held mine. “I’ve known Casteel since birth, as well as his brother. I knew his father before then, and his mother even longer than that. I remember when the Queen was married to a different King,” he said quietly, and that alone told me that he was far older than I anticipated. “Casteel is like a son to me. In reality, he would’ve been a son of mine if fate had played out differently.”
Would have been a son of mine? “What do you mean?”
The skin at his eyes creased as my gift suddenly pressed against my skin, responding to the sudden shift in his emotions. An agony so potent and raw that it reached out to me. I opened myself, unable to stop it, and immediately tensed at the turmoil rolling through him, thus passing to me. His grief cut so deeply, it made it hard to breathe. I started to use my gift differently, to lessen the pain.
“Did you know that Casteel has been in love before?”
His question threw me, causing me to drop the connection with him. Even then, the tangy bitterness of sorrow still filled the back of my throat. “Yes, I know that.”
And that was all I knew. That he had been in love.
“Did he tell you that he was once engaged?”
Words left me. I shook my head.
A small, sad smile appeared. “I’m not surprised to hear that. He doesn’t talk about her often. No matter how much I’ve tried in the past. And to be honest, I can’t remember the last time he even said her name. I can’t blame him for that, and neither should you. She is a wound that has healed, but still a wound nonetheless. He would be…” He looked down the hall, his shoulders tensing and then loosening. “He would be very upset with me to know that I spoke of Shea with you. And, truthfully, I am overstepping here. But you need to know why I was so surprised to learn of your engagement. I honestly didn’t think Casteel would ever allow himself to feel like that again.” His gaze met mine. “And you need to know why I hope his motivations for this marriage are true and rooted in his heart and not as a desperate bid to find his brother.”