His groan continued, and he pumped his release into me still, feeling this on a level I could well remember. I jerked my hips and continued to work my clit, hitting another high before he finally came down.
He held me close as our breathing slowed and our scents mixed, his on me and mine now on him. But that was all that had changed. I didn’t feel anything different.
“What does imprinting feel like?” I asked, pulling back a little to look out the glowing window. The day looked back.
“We didn’t imprint,” he replied softly, and regret dribbled through the bond.
Fear and pain lanced my heart.
“Am I not…” I swallowed. “Am I not your true mate, then?”
“You know you are. You’ve read enough about the subject, I know you have. The bond is proof.”
“Then why…” Only one other explanation came to me. “Do you not really love me?” I choked out, my eyes overflowing with fresh tears, and these weren’t because of what I had endured in the past.
These were because of what I was enduring now.
THIRTY-SEVEN
FINLEY
He pushed my hair out of my face and tucked it down beside my cheek.
“I love you with all that I am,” he said. “I think the problem is that I don’t love myself. And I’m finding it hard to see how anyone else could. I don’t belong with the dragons anymore. I don’t belong with anyone. Even though I want you more than is probably healthy, I…I’m struggling against the compulsion because I don’t want to force you into this half-life with me.”
My heart twisted and then broke in half. I leaned toward him and touched my forehead to his. If it weren’t for seeing his battle with Micah, I wouldn’t truly understand the gravity of what he’d just said.
But I had, and I did. I’d seen his suffering and his fear of what the future might hold.
I looped my arms around his neck and lightly traced the pad of my finger down one of his scars.
He shivered as I said, “You belong with me. And I have news for you: you’re not the odd one in this pair. I have never fit in—with any crowd—and I’m not suddenly going to start because I have some scales and a pair of wings and a real asshole dragon yammering in my head.”
Suck rocks, my dragon thought.
“I’ll be the one who stands out, not you,” I continued. “I didn’t grow up knowing anything about dragons. I still don’t. I won’t act like one—Weston already told me that. He thought it was a good thing, but I’m sure other dragons won’t agree. Nyfain, I didn’t even know the names of the royal family! That’s how removed we were from court. I’ll stand out at every formal dinner, civilized meeting of the social elite, and…important function or whatever it is you all do. In a bad way. In the ways that matter most in this world, you will fit in, and I will be out of place. They’ll say, ‘There goes that powerful dragon with the weird mate,’ and it won’t be me they are pointing at.”
“You can change all of that. That stuff is teachable.”
I stroked his face and traced the scar near his lip. He didn’t pull away. “And wearing your scars proudly will teach others about the suffering you’ve endured. It’ll show them that you triumphed despite it. They’ll see the scars where the wings were ripped off your back and know the power and perseverance of a prince who wouldn’t bow down to a tyrant. They’ll see, with their own eyes, the pain you went through to protect your people. We’ll match in that way.”
I pushed off him and turned, showing him the scars the whips had left on my back. Pain and rage tore through the bond.
When I turned back around, climbing into his lap, he shook his head, tortured.
I snuggled close to him and laid my head on his wide shoulder. “Remember what you said to me when you were in my room?”
I went back to slowly tracing the scale scars down his back. He shuddered in physical pleasure mixed with internal pain. It was the opposite of what I’d experienced in the dungeons, but no less damaging.
“You said, ‘I see you, Finley. I see all of you, and I am in rapture.’ I fell in love with you in that moment. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know it now. And then you kept chiseling away at my heart with your letters and your actions until I was lost to you. Until you ruined me, just like you’d promised. Only it wasn’t in the way you promised. You only ruined me for other men. Because I see you, Nyfain. I see all of you. I see the scars you wear—and those you hide. I see your temper and rage…and your loyalty and love. I see your power and strength, and your kindness and tenderness. I see it all.”