“Because you care for her.” She grinned, tilting her head back to look at the ceiling. “Oh, I love it. The ice king melts for his new queen. It’s like a novel.”
“It’s like a nightmare.” I dragged a hand through my hair again. “She will distract me the way I was distracted before.”
“You’re stronger than you realize. Just because you had a wild past doesn’t mean you’ll do the same thing now. You have better self-control.”
Laughable. I could tell her about the curse I’d bought from the witch. It was the entire reason I seemed to have self-control. In truth, I was weaker than I’d ever been. Tonight was proof of that.
I rose.
“You deserve to be happy, Lore. And she’s the one who can do that for you.”
“Deserve?” Regret and anger tightened in my throat. “I don’t deserve anything of the sort.”
“You can’t help other people if you don’t help yourself, Lore. This misery will eat you alive until there’s nothing left of you. And if there’s nothing left of you, you can’t protect your people.”
“Goodbye, my lady.” I turned and strode away, unable to get her words out of my head.
Miserable?
She thought me miserable?
Why did it even matter? I was doing my duty. Keeping my kingdom safe. That was all that mattered.
Sia
* * *
The rest of the night passed in a blur. After Lore had stormed out of his sleeping compartment, I’d snuck back into my own and locked the door behind me.
Not that he’d be coming into my room tonight. No way in hell he’d be visiting me—not after the way he’d stormed out.
I slept fitfully, catching only a few minutes of sleep between waking to memories of his mouth on my skin. It was like he followed me into my dreams, his kisses keeping my mind tethered to him.
By the time the sun rose, I was ready for morning Not that I’d gotten any decent sleep. Far from it. But I was grateful I could get out of bed and find a distraction. I couldn’t bear to close my eyes again and see him. It would just make my heart race and my skin heat all over again.
I was acting like a damned teenager.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, unable to believe what we’d done.
It had been incredible.
And stupid.
I couldn’t afford to become distracted like that. I was literally fighting for my life. The last thing I needed was to be mooning over a man.
A knock sounded on my door, and I jerked.
Was it Lore?
My heart raced.
No way.
“Sia?” Meria’s voice sounded through the door. “You there?”
“Yeah. Come in.”
Meria stepped into the room, followed by Eve. They’d both dressed in fresh clothes. The outfits were similar to those they’d worn during the competition—tight trousers, billowy shirts, and trim vests—and Eve noticed me looking her up and down.
“Got to be dressed right to protect the future queen.” She winked.
“Thank you, guys.” Gratitude welled within me—both for their help and the fact they gave me something else to think about. “I’d be up shit creek without you.”
Eve grimaced. “Sounds like a terrible creek.”
“Yep.” I looked over at Meria, who was watching me with a bit of extra interest in her eyes.
It took everything I had not to reach up and touch my lips to see if they were swollen. Could she see that I was different?
Being intimate with a man shouldn’t make a woman different. That was ridiculous.
But I felt different, and I was pretty sure my closest friend could see it.
Yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell them. For now, it was something I had to keep close. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt precious. Like the memories weren’t meant to be shared, even though a big part of me regretted losing control.
“Are we almost there?” I asked, hoping to distract Meria from her perusal.
She pursed her lips. “You’re hiding something.”
Damn it. She really was perceptive. “I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are. But I’ll let you hold onto it for a little while. If you start to look stressed, though…”
She would pull it out of me. The message was clear.
“Thank you.”
She smiled and nodded, then tilted her head toward the door. “You should get dressed. We’re almost there.”
“Really?” I turned to look out the window, spotting the dark clouds overhead. I shivered. “The clouds are worse here, aren’t they?”