A short laugh escaped me. Holland knew me so well. “Am I annoyed that I didn’t know the truth? Sure. Am I mad?” I shrugged. “I have far bigger things to be angry about at the moment.”
“That you do.” A long moment passed. “Don’t give up, Sera.”
“I’m not.” And I wasn’t. Mainly because I wasn’t sure exactly what I would be giving up on at this point.
“Good.” His voice lowered then, and I had no idea if Nyktos heard what he said next, as Penellaphe had managed to draw him farther away toward the doors. “That thread that broke off from all the possible strings that chart the course of your life? It was unexpected. Unpredictable. Fate is never truly written in bone and blood. It can be as ever-changing as your thoughts. Your heart.” He paused, glancing at Nyktos. “His.”
I started to laugh again, but the sound withered. “Sure. Fate can be as erratic as the mind and heart.” The words scratched their way from my throat. “But not in this case. Not with his heart. You’ve known that.”
“Love is powerful, Seraphena.” Holland lifted his hand to my cheek, and the touch carried a ripple of energy that hadn’t been there before. “More so than even the Arae could imagine.”
My brows furrowed. I was sure love was just super-duper special, but Nyktos had physically removed the part of him capable of loving. So, I had no idea what he was talking about.
Which wasn’t entirely abnormal.
I exhaled shakily. “Will I see you again?”
“I can’t answer that,” he said. When I opened my mouth to reply, he quickly added, “But what I can tell you is something you already know. What you’ve spent your life preparing to become? What I trained you for? It wasn’t a waste.” Those dark, shining eyes held mine. “You are his weakness.”
Become his weakness.
Make him fall in love.
End him.
Not Nyktos.
Kolis.
I was a weapon meant to be used against Kolis. That was my true destiny. But what I didn’t know was if that meant Kolis would recognize me as Sotoria and that I was already his weakness, or if it meant that carrying Sotoria’s soul would make it easier for me to seduce him.
My stomach twisted and dipped sharply. The idea of seducing Kolis made me want to vomit. I didn’t…I didn’t want to have to go through with it.
“What are you thinking?”
I jolted at the sound of Nyktos’s voice. I was so caught up in my thoughts I hadn’t been aware of Nyktos guiding me to his office.
I really needed to be more aware of my surroundings.
Pushing limp strands of hair back from my face, I felt my stomach flip and flop for very different reasons as I faced him.
Nyktos stood in front of the closed doors, and dressed as he was in a loose, untucked white shirt and black breeches, he reminded me of…Ash. Rugged and still unearthly. A sense of wild brimming beneath the veneer of calm.
But he was Nyktos now. Not Ash. He’d never be Ash to me again.
“I’m thinking about a lot of things,” I admitted. And there was a lot to think about: Kolis. His creations. What he wanted. Nyktos. What he’d done to himself. Ezra and her marriage to Marisol and seizing the Crown. Me. The knowledge that I’d inadvertently caused my stepfather’s death. What was to come. Holland. What he’d shared before leaving.
Nyktos eyed me as he walked past the empty bookshelves along the wall. I wondered if there had ever been items on those shelves. Keepsakes. Mementos. He sat on the edge of the settee, his gaze never leaving me. It was odd to be in a position where I was standing over him.
“I cannot imagine what must be going on in your head,” he said finally. “But you went from anger…to sadness. Tangy, bitter sorrow.”
Shoulders tensing, I glared at him. “Don’t read my emotions.”
“It’s hard not to. You project a lot,” he reminded me. “And often. You were really projecting in the throne room.”
“Sounds like you need to figure out how to block them then.”
A ghost of a half-smile appeared but vanished quickly, and my heart seized again as I thought of what he’d done.
“When did you have this…kardia removed?” I asked.
“A while ago.”
I eyed him. “Exactly what do you consider a while?”
“A while,” he repeated.
“That’s evasive.”
“It’s more like it doesn’t matter when I had it done. Just that I did.”