Fire ignites in my chest, even as the cold grips my limbs and seeps into my bones. Pain, like nothing I have ever felt, burns through me.
The water is sweet on my lips and tongue as it drowns me, the lightest sense of bubbles on the back of the throat. So, I think, on the verge of hysterics, The legend of the First Emperor is true.
Bursts of light pop before me, one after another. A sea of stars, streaming through the night sky. The current calling me into the promise of warmth, into letting go. But then I see Shu’s face through the dark, the way she said to me, I believe in you, and I know I cannot let the water take me.
Something grabs on to my arms through the warmth. I fight against the pleasant stream, allowing the pull to carry me away. We ascend, leaving the stars behind us, until I am thrown onto my back, the world in smears of color above me. My vision wavers, clears, and a face emerges.
I think I hear my name. Rough hands grab my shoulders and roll me onto my side. Forceful strikes hit my back. I expel water onto the ground, suddenly able to breathe again, taking in great big gasps of air. I struggle to push myself up with one elbow, and a garment settles around my body. I didn’t know how much I wanted the warmth until it’s there, and my teeth chatter against one another.
I sit up with his help, still sputtering.
“Are you all right?” Kang hovers, attentive. Something flickers inside me, like tinder struggling to light.
“You saved my life,” I manage to gasp out, my throat still hoarse from coughing.
“I waited,” he says apologetically. “I waited and waited for you to surface, then when you didn’t, I thought I went in too late.”
“I don’t know how to swim,” I admit, drawing the garment tighter around me, then I realize what I’m wearing: his outer tunic. Pieces of his armor are scattered around us. Chest plate, helmet, leg pieces. Tossed aside in his haste to jump in after me.
I start to shake, remembering the pull of that current. How if it wasn’t for Shu, my bond with my sister still waiting for me back home, it would have been so easy to give in. Strands of hair slide down in front of my eyes, making it difficult to see. I try to swipe them away, but my hands continue to tremble.
“I’m sorry,” he says. He reaches up and gently brushes the hair out of my eyes, the movement slow and deliberate. His touch slides against the curve of my forehead and my cheek, brushing against the tip of my ear.
“What…” My breath catches. “What are you sorry for?”
“For not reaching you sooner,” he whispers. His touch stops at the soft place under my jaw, where I am certain he can feel the frantic beat of my pulse. His eyes are pools of darkness, even deeper than the one I fell into. I can see myself reflected inside, a speck of light in the dark.
Kang’s concern draws me in, his touch a promise. He’s waiting for my answer, and I give in to the pull, leaning forward to close the distance between us. The lightest brush of my lips against his. He tips my head up and deepens the kiss, until it is a different sort of drowning, until we are forced to draw breath. The tunic falls from my shoulders as he pulls me closer, enveloping me in the warmth of his body.
We are both a little breathless when we let go of each other.
“Thank you,” I murmur, and try to self-correct: “I mean … for saving my life.”
“I’ll rescue you ten times over if I will be kissed like that every time,” he declares, making me laugh, chasing away my embarrassment.
“Ning…” His expression changes from amused to serious in an instant, and I know it is a practiced thing to have such control of his emotions. “You are the first girl who has ever greeted me with a swift kick to the shins. The first girl who has ever made me feel … normal.”
“That is decidedly abnormal,” I tell him after a pause, not knowing how else to respond.
“You asked me before … about Lǜzhou.” He touches his chest. “They marked us with a traitor’s brand. When I first arrived, I tried to hide it, but it made me look odd, wearing a tunic when everyone else was bare-chested. Then I realized they all recognized me anyway, so it was easier to stop hiding. It was a long time before they accepted me.”
I think he understands, as I do. How it feels not to belong.
Kang leans away from me, running pebbles through his fingers, not meeting my eyes. “They respected my father, because he fought against the raiders from the mountains. He defended their homeland, and my mother … she was descended from their clans. She was to be betrothed to the emperor, did you know that? When my father stopped the raiders, he brought her to the capital to be wed to the emperor at my grandmother’s request, but the marriage never happened.”