“What happened after that?”
“Turns out the guy talked to other girls my age and even met with a few of them—and raped them.”
“Holy shit.” Crew actually appears surprised.
I nod. “I know. I was lucky. Once that all went down, my parents—my father—went into total protection mode. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere alone. I had to report where I was at all times. They put a tracker on my phone. They wouldn’t let me spend the night at my friends’ houses. I was on complete lockdown,” I explain.
“Sounds awful.”
“It was, and I was so scared all the time. I didn’t trust myself, or my judgment. I was tricked by that guy, and it hurt. My parents made me apply to Lancaster, even though I didn’t want to go there. I wanted to stay with my friends and go to the same high school as they did, but my parents wanted me safe. My father didn’t trust me.”
“Do you feel safe at Lancaster?”
“Lately, no. I was oblivious to what was really going on the last three years, so I guess I did feel safe. Ignorance is bliss, I guess? Right before I turned fifteen, my father came to me, explaining the purity ball and how it works. What it stood for. He wanted me to make a promise to myself, and swear that I wouldn’t get involved sexually with any boy until I got married. I think he was worried I’d make bad decisions I’d end up regretting. Like—before.”
“That’s…kind of heavy,” Crew says. “And you shouldn’t have to pay for that one mistake you made for the rest of your life.”
He’s right. I know he is. “At the time, it was exactly what I needed. What I firmly believed in. I thought I still did, but now…I don’t know.”
Crew frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I’m almost eighteen. And as you already know, I’ve never been kissed. I can’t go through life completely sheltered, can I? I need to experiment. Meet guys. Go on dates. Kiss them. Let them touch me. Right?”
SEVENTEEN
CREW
This entire day has been a complete revelation. Discovering Wren’s many secrets as she reveals them to me, layer by layer, bit by bit. Until she’s laid herself completely bare, and she’s asking me if she should go on dates and let guys touch and kiss her.
Just using the word guys as in plural, sets my blood boiling. I don’t want to see anyone touch her.
Only me.
“That’s up to you,” I finally say, resting my folded arms on the edge of the table. “Do you want to go out with other guys? Kiss them? Let them touch you?”
“I can’t be a virgin forever,” she whispers.
“Not like you need to go out and fuck some random guy on your first go,” I snap, sounding like a jealous asshole.
“I don’t want to do that,” she immediately says. “I just—I’ve had some thoughts lately. Done some things.”
She’s got me curious as fuck with that statement. “Like what?”
Wren rapidly shakes her head, glancing down at the table. “I can’t say.”
“Why not?”
“It’s too embarrassing.” She sounds miserable.
“Come on, Birdy. It’s just me. We’re in a public spot. Surrounded by people. How bad can it be?”
“Promise you won’t make fun of me?” she whispers to the table.
“Look at me.” She glances up, and I keep my expression as neutral as possible. “I won’t make fun of you.”
I would never make fun of her. Not anymore. Not after she’s shared so much with me. She’s been so open. So vulnerable.
“Okay.” A shaky breath leaves her as she glances up at me. She tilts her head left, then right, as if she’s cracking her neck and readying to jump into the ring, primed to fight. “I was alone last night and I—oh God, I can’t say it out loud.”
Her face is crimson. Whatever she did, she’s embarrassed about it. I can only assume a handful of things she could possibly do while alone last night, so I decide to say it for her.
“Did you…touch yourself?”
Her green eyes are wide and fathomless. “Yes.”
My dick twitches. “Did you finger yourself?”
She nods.
“Make yourself come?”
More nodding. “A couple of times.”
Jesus. My dick is hard.
“I watched a porn too. For the first time. All the way through. I mean, I’ve seen stuff. Images. Clips. You know how it is on the internet. You can’t escape the sex stuff. It’s everywhere. But I sat there and watched a twenty-minute video between a man and a woman and it was—it was so hot.” She sounds flustered. As if she’s still aroused just thinking about it.