“A few parents and children have approached us with concerns,” she said without looking at us. “At times Stella can be quite dominant and she gets … angry. If things don’t go her way.”
This sounded familiar, of course, although I suppose we had been hoping it wasn’t as obvious at preschool as it was at home. I immediately felt both embarrassed and defensive when I learned that other parents had aired opinions about my daughter.
“I’m sure it isn’t that bad? She’s only five.”
Ingrid nodded.
“A few parents have brought it up with the school director,” she said. “It’s important for Stella to receive help for this, both at school and at home.”
“What? Who are those parents?” Ulrika said.
“Could you give us an example?” I asked. “What is it that Stella does wrong?”
Ingrid paged through her documents.
“Well, in role-playing games, when the children play pretend, Stella very much wants to control the others.”
Ulrika shrugged.
“Isn’t it sometimes good that someone takes on the role of leader?”
“We know Stella can sometimes seem domineering,” I said. “The question is how much we should try to stifle it. As Ulrika said, leadership qualities can be a very good thing—that she’s direct, a driving force.”
Ingrid scratched intensely at her right eyebrow.
“Last week, Stella said she was like God. The other children had to obey her, because she was like God and God is in charge of everything.”
I felt Ulrika’s eyes boring into me from the side. Stella had spent quite a bit of time at church with me; she had shown interest in my work and was already asking existential questions, but I would never dream of providing her with neatly packaged solutions or clear-cut answers. Furthermore, I would never touch upon God’s omnipotence even in my daughter’s absence.
“We’ll talk to Stella,” I said curtly.
In the car on the way home, Ulrika pointedly turned off the radio, one finger poking at the panel on the dashboard.
“It’s crazy, the opinions people have about other people’s children.”
“It’s nothing to worry about,” I said, turning the music back on. “She’s only five.”
I had no idea how quickly time would pass.
13
On Sunday afternoon I was sitting in a spartan interrogation room at the police station, waiting to be questioned. I was given strong coffee in a mug; the minutes passed slowly, painfully, and my skin felt itchy.
The chief inspector finally arrived; her name was Agnes Thelin and she was wearing a conciliatory expression. She claimed that she knew exactly how I must be feeling. She had two sons around Stella’s age.
“I know you’re feeling scared and sad.”
“Those aren’t words I would use.”
Above all, I was angry. It might sound strange, at least in retrospect, but I was probably in the midst of the “shock” stage. I’d put fear and sorrow on hold and was focusing on my survival, on my family’s survival. I would get us out of this.
“What is it you’re looking for?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean how you’re searching our house. All the police who are going through our belongings this very minute.”
Chief Inspector Thelin nodded.
“We’re looking for forensic evidence, which can be lots of different things. It’s possible that we’ll find something that’s to Stella’s advantage, something that corroborates her story. Or we might find nothing at all. We’re trying to figure out what happened.”
“Stella has nothing to do with this,” I said.
Agnes Thelin nodded.
“We’ll take it one step at a time. Can you start by telling us what you did last Friday?”
“I was at church almost all day.”
“At church?”
She made it sound like the last place on earth she would visit.
“I’m a pastor,” I explained.
Agnes Thelin gaped at me for a moment, then came to her senses and busied herself with paging through her documents.
“So you were … working?”
“I had a funeral that afternoon.”
“A funeral, okay.” She scribbled a note. “What time did you return home?”
“Around six, I should think.”
I told her that I had showered and prepared a pork casserole, then ate it with Ulrika. After the meal we played a game of Trivial Pursuit on the sofa and then went to bed. Stella worked until quarter past seven and had been planning to meet a friend in town afterwards.