“You’re ruining our lives!” I called after her.
People nearby had stopped what they were doing. A forest of curious faces, breathless murmurs, and burning eyes. I put up one hand to hide my face and hurried back out to the sidewalk, toward the cinema.
Later on, the police would question at least ten people, but not a single one of them could corroborate Jenny Jansdotter’s story.
37
Ulrika was waiting for me at a window table at Spisen. I sat down right next to her and she rested her head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, honey. I’m sorry.”
“We’re not ourselves.”
“I love you,” I said.
I felt it so clearly throughout my body. The slightest thought of a future without Ulrika burned painfully.
“Come to Stockholm with me,” she said. “There’s nothing more we can do here right now. You know I would never, ever abandon Stella, but we’re not even allowed to see her. It makes no difference to her if we’re here in Lund or somewhere else. We have to think of ourselves as well. I’ve seen lots of parents in our situation, families ripped apart by this sort of thing.”
She was right. As long as Stella was locked up with full restrictions, there was nothing we could do. The worst thing that could happen was if Ulrika and I were driven apart.
“What do you think will happen to Stella?”
“I don’t know, but the prosecutor seems determined to bring an indictment.”
I pictured Jenny Jansdotter. Should I mention to Ulrika that I’d run into her?
“What do you think happened that night?” I asked.
Ulrika stiffened.
“I don’t know … I can’t…”
“Haven’t you even considered it?”
“Considered what?” she asked, even though she must have known exactly what I meant.
“The thought that … it might have been … that Stella did … something?”
Deep down I wanted her to say no. It would have been fine with me if she’d flown into a rage and demanded to know how I could allow myself to think such a thing. Better that I was losing my mind than to find that there might be good reason to doubt.
“Of course I’ve entertained those thoughts. Of course I have—but I refuse to allow them to take root.”
It sounded so simple. Too simple.
“There is quite a bit of circumstantial evidence,” she said. “But overall, the evidence is weak.”
As if it were merely a matter of jurisprudence.
She put a hand on my knee and I stroked it slowly. After all these years together, I could feel her skin as I felt my own.
“I just don’t understand what Amina is hiding,” I said. “There’s something she’s keeping from us.”
Ulrika’s hand jumped.
“Why would Amina lie? She’s Stella’s best friend.”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just know she hasn’t been completely forthcoming.”
“But you seriously believe that Amina is involved somehow?”
“I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to believe.”
* * *
A bit too full and tipsy, we decided to walk to the train. We strolled through town without saying much. People looked at us—some said hello; others turned their backs as we passed and I could hear their whispers. Ulrika had linked her arm in mine and was walking with purpose; she didn’t slow down.
I think it was Ulrika’s idea to pay a visit to Alexandra and Dino. Since we were in the neighborhood anyway. She thought a little company would do us good and sent a text to let them know we were on our way.
Alexandra met us in the doorway on Trollebergsv?gen, her eyes wide.
“Oh, it’s you!”
A certain reluctance was hiding behind her surprise. Perhaps Ulrika missed it, because she didn’t hesitate to step into their apartment with a big hug for Alexandra.
“We took a chance that you’d be home. I sent a text, but you didn’t respond.”
Alexandra looked at me over Ulrika’s shoulder.
Dino came rambling over, wearing only knee-length shorts and with a beer in hand. When he caught sight of us he smiled and assaulted us with hugs.
“How are you?” said Alexandra. “How is Stella?”
Once we’d given a rundown of the past few days’ worth of events, or nonevents, Dino herded me into the living room where an agitated soccer commentator was huffing from the wall-mounted flat-screen as peaceful music streamed from the speakers. The balcony door was wide open and the night air drifted in, carrying the mild scents of Indian summer.