“Did you cheat on her?”
“Depends on how you look at it. Nothing happened between us, not physically, I mean, not even a kiss. But I cheated emotionally and I’m not proud of it.”
I understood. I hate cheaters, but no one can control their feelings.
“Obviously I realized I would hurt Linda, which I suppose is why I kept putting it off. But I never would have dreamed that she’d flip out this much.”
“What did she do?”
He scratched his chin even more. No doubt this was hard to talk about. I drank my water and felt a little more alert.
“Linda has a long history of being mentally unwell,” said Chris.
“What do you mean?”
I’ve never understood that concept. You seldom hear people talking about being “physically unwell.”
“I knew she was unstable. She’d had periods of depression before, and eating disorders and stuff like that, back when she was a teenager. She’s a sensitive soul.”
That just seemed silly. Whose soul isn’t sensitive to being abandoned by the person you love?
“When I told her what was going on, she lost it. Violent outbursts, throwing things, and threatening me. Even though this is my apartment—I’d had it for three years when Linda entered the picture—she refused to move out. I had to stay with my mom for several weeks and threaten to bring in the police and stuff, before she finally gave in.”
“That was when you got your mom to help?”
“Well, one of the times. It gets worse. Linda started harassing my new girlfriend. She sent messages, several hundred a day. Then she showed up outside my girlfriend’s work, and followed her.”
“That sounds just sick.”
Like something out of a movie.
“I kept thinking that it would be possible to talk to her. We were together for three years, after all. My girlfriend wanted to file a police report, but I convinced her not to. Since I knew Linda.”
“What a bizarre story. I understand why you’re on guard now, when it comes to girls.”
Chris nodded.
“But that’s not all. Linda went to the police and reported me. She made up a whole bunch of awful accusations. I can hardly stand to think about it. She claimed I abused and raped her. It was absurd.”
“Shit,” I blurted.
“I had to sit through interrogations and listen to a ton of morbid things she claimed I had done. It was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. For a while I thought it was going to work. It seemed like the investigators believed her. I was about to be put away for terrible things, to be marked as a domestic abuser and rapist. My life was about to be ruined.”
“Shit.”
That’s all I could manage to say. Chris looked shaken, as if it was all coming back to him, and I was ashamed that I’d been thinking about rape drugs. Really, though, I hadn’t done anything wrong. Life has taught me to consider every man a potential rapist. Better safe than sorry. I had no reason to feel ashamed, but when I saw Chris’s fear I couldn’t help it.
“After a while things ended with my new girlfriend too. She said she supported me, sure, but I knew she had doubts. Maybe it’s wrong to blame her; how could she know for sure? But I can’t be with someone who even entertains the thought that I could hurt her.”
His pale blue eyes gleamed and thoughts whizzed through my brain like fleeing birds.
“So that’s why I’m single, and a little bit afraid of girls,” Chris said, his smile edged with sadness. “It’s probably going to take some time before I can trust anyone again.”
“I understand.”
He gave a heavy sigh and lowered his head. Out of sheer reflex I placed a comforting hand on his knee. Warmth radiated from him and traveled through my body. Tears glistened in his eyes.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I suppose I felt sorry for him. The alcohol had turned my brain into mushy fruit.
“Hey,” I said, putting an arm around his neck.
When he turned his face towards mine, I brought my lips to his.
“Stop,” he mumbled, shoving me away.
I let go of him. My face went hot and my heart was pounding like a drum. What the hell was I doing?
“Not like this,” he said. “Not now.”
I just wanted to crawl under the sofa and disappear.
“I think it’s best if you go home,” Chris said, typing on his phone. “I’ll get you a taxi. Where do you live?”
So fucking humiliating. I didn’t even want to look at him.