Past shadows fade as he traces slow circles on the palm of my hand with the pad of his thumb. I’m not sure he even knows he’s doing it, but it’s suddenly all I can think about—that hot, rhythmic circle on my hand. The rough skin combined with the soothing touch heighten the shivery sensations building inside me. I don’t pull back. I’d be disgusted with myself, except this sure beats reliving needles of fire and a fist the size of my face.
Wordlessly, Beta Sinta reattaches us at the waist and then leads me over to his bedroll, spreading mine out on the left. I lie down, staring into the darkness and rejecting the completely irrational feeling of relief being next to him brings.
“Who did that to you?” he asks in a low, furious voice.
I stiffen under my blanket. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
My whole body goes still. “Why?”
“Because I punish people who hurt women.”
My chest tightens painfully. It’s a feeling I keep getting lately. I don’t like it. “I wasn’t a woman then. I was just a girl.”
A savage sound rumbles in his throat. He sounds like the lion hybrid he’s named for. “Who?”
“Like I said, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“How can you say that?” He turns to me, his eyebrows drawn into dark, angry slashes. “Don’t tell me you’re the forgiving type.”
I snort. “The person who gave me nightmares was punished a long time ago. Kill or be killed. That’s the way of my world.” I roll onto my side to face him. “I’m still here.”
His mouth opens, but I cut him off. “Drop it, Beta Sinta.”
His eyes are black in the moonlight. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
“I have a name,” he finally says.
I stay silent. His name doesn’t change anything, and Beta Sinta is what he is.
He lifts up on one elbow and props his head in his hand, clearly with no intention of dropping it. “There were others, though. People who hurt you.”
It doesn’t sound like a question. I wouldn’t answer anyway. I roll over, turning my back on him and closing my eyes. A face fills my mind—beautiful, olive skin, dark hair, eyes as cold as ice. She laughs. “You are me. Don’t even pretend that you’re not.”
I shiver so violently that Beta Sinta must see it. The scars on my arms burn. Chills run through the rest of me. I’m not her. Not yet, anyway. The problem is, I might be worse.
It takes a long time for sleep to come. Close to dawn, I wake up way too hot with a warlord plastered to my back. One heavy arm is draped across my waist, his big hand splayed possessively over my stomach, tucking me against him.
My heart slams in my chest, and a frightening, warm sensation infuses that empty part of me. Something in the warmth flutters, cautious, like a nascent bird’s wings. Like a fledgling, though, I don’t know whether I’ll crash or fly.
CHAPTER 10
It takes twelve days for the attack to come, long enough for my enemies to cross Fisa, Tarva, and half of Sinta at a grueling pace. I was wrong about twenty men; she sends thirty. “I told you we should’ve run.”
Kato and Flynn adjust their weapons, mace and ax ready. Carver draws his sword, his eyes as sharp as his blade.
“Thirty to four,” Beta Sinta says. “I’ve seen better odds.”
I gape at his casual tone. He gets all worked up over my being snarky or not controlling my temper very well （at all!）， but this doesn’t faze him? What is wrong with him?
“Thirty to five,” I correct, itching for my knives.
“They’re Fisan.”
“I know.” Their snow-white standard undulating with blue waves brings on a mess of emotions. “So?”
He turns in the saddle. “Not interested in returning to your home realm?”
No.
Really, no.
A thousand trolls? worth of no.
“If I wanted to be in Fisa, I would be.”
He faces forward again and kicks his horse. I grab his waist, and we gallop for higher ground.
“I thought you weren’t one of us,” Beta Sinta calls over his shoulder.
“I’m not. Maybe you’ll kill each other off, and I’ll get away.”
“This could be your lucky day,” he says somewhat grimly.
It’s not. I know it the second I see who’s leading the Fisans. In all the realms, he’s one of the few people who actually wants me dead, not just captured. And here I thought she’d send someone to bring me back. I might have to reevaluate my worth.