“It’s not just because I don’t think you can handle it,” Ryke suddenly tells me. He pulls the towel away from his lip, focusing on the damp cloth. “It’s that…” His face twists. “…I don’t know if I can translate it without screaming.”
“Just give me something,” I choke out the words.
Connor is quiet, looking concerned for me.
“I can handle it,” I remind him.
“I know you can,” Connor says. I can tell that he’s placating me, saying what I want to hear.
Ryke balls the towel in his hand. “I’m just going to let some of it out as fast as I can.”
I nod.
“How many guys have pounded into that slut?” he says at first. It’s another swift kick.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Don’t think about it.
“Is she still full of their cum?”
I shift, pain intensifying in my gut, but it’s not from my ribs anymore. I can feel the type of torment Lily would experience if she heard these exact words. And the part that belongs to her is sunken with agony. The part that belongs to me is rattling with rage.
“Bring her here…” Ryke’s voice breaks.
I open my eyes, and my brother is covering his mouth like he wants to scream and punch someone again.
My eyes are on fire, holding back. Why are you fucking crying? Stop crying. I’m not crying. “Keep going,” I prod.
“I can’t,” Ryke says, shaking his head. He runs a hand through his hair.
“You have to,” I tell him.
Ryke cringes at me, like he sees into me.
“Just say the rest,” I almost yell.
“No.” He shakes his head again and steps away from the wall. “I’m fucking done torturing you. You’re in fucking pain right now, and you want me to put you in more pain.”
Is that what this is? Masochism. “I can take it,” I remind him.
“I can’t!” He points at his chest, his eyes bloodshot like mine. He breathes heavily, staring down at me, and he says, “Bring her here, we want to see how many cocks can fit inside her…” He trips up, and his voice cracks again. “I can’t.”
I’m crying.
I only realize it when the sound of a sob breaches my lips. Wet tears slide down, and I bring my knees up, resting my forearms on them. I hang my head. Stop crying.
“Keep going,” I say in a choked whisper.
I’m surprised that Connor hears me. He takes over and speaks clinically, “how many cocks can fit inside her giant cunt. You better have a leash on your bitch; we plan on riding her tonight.”
The pain rips through my chest.
Ryke is beside me on the ground while Connor keeps talking. I sit idle between rage and grief, my emotions at war. I want to shut it all out, but then I want to feel the coldest, harshest parts of it. Maybe then it won’t hurt me anymore.
After five minutes, my hands balled into fists, my shoulders shaking and my cheeks slick with tears, I whisper, “Stop.”
I reached my limit. I understand why Ryke snapped a fuse back in the street. It’s just too much.
I want to protect Lily from this type of ridicule, but I can’t. And I think that’s the hardest thing to grapple with—that people would come face-to-face with us and say this shit outright.
And there is nothing we can do but sit here and bear it.
Get thicker skin. Don’t be so sensitive, Loren. I am in love with Lily. To be unfeeling from someone hurting her—no rage, no grief—I’d have to be a fucking robot.
No armor can block out this pain. No booze this time. And I remember—almost one whole year ago, I heard defaming words about me and my father. I slid to the floor. I reached into a cupboard for a bottle of Glenfiddich. I broke my sobriety for the first time. And I never got off the ground that night. Not on my own.
Being in the media, I’ve learned to live with this hurt, stand up, and move on.
It’s what I’ll do now. It’s what I’ll do tomorrow and the next day. For however long this fight goes on.
Just stand up.
And I rise slowly to my feet. Heavy and shackled with weight.
I still move.
{ 21 }
LOREN HALE
“So let me get this fucking straight,” my father says in an edged voice, “the four of you attacked three guys who’ve been harassing you all day. In the middle of the goddamn street?”
We couldn’t avoid our parents for long. As soon as we left the bathroom, Greg and Jonathan called us into the yacht’s living room. I stand between Ryke and Connor while Sam is on the end, the only one of us not beat to shit.