I sink into the recliner, snuggling into a warm blanket and watch Connor mill about the kitchen like he owns it. I imagine if I ever had a brother, Connor would fit the perfect mold. A little conceited but deep down, even below his people collecting habits, he has a warm heart.
Ryke slouches on the couch. “Should I call your sisters?”
“No. They’ll just worry.”
Connor returns with a tray of coffee and passes me my mug of hot chocolate. “It’s too late. I already texted Rose.”
“What?” I squeak.
“She’s on her way here.”
{23}
Rose is coming over.
The words still haven’t fully sunk in. They sit there, along with the rest of my drifting thoughts, but they translate into something numb and foreign. I cup a steaming mug of hot chocolate, taking small sips in the wake of the quiet.
Connor says nothing. Ryke says nothing. They’re two statues on the couch while I curl into the chair.
An abhorrent place inside of me wonders how to lie to Rose. How can I concoct a new deceit to hide Lo’s unconsciousness and my maybe-assault? With two witnesses who will vouch for the night, I have no thread to spin my tales. Cold, blistering reality sets in, and I feel no dread, no sense of loss that I expected would come after all these years of lying to Rose.
I’m just empty.
The speaker box buzzes, and Connor rises to ring Rose inside. The movement shifts my gaze up, and I see Ryke, his ankle perched on his other knee. He stares distantly at a lamp, fingers to his lips. The light catches his brown hair and flecks of his brown eyes that shimmer with gold. He’s enchanting, but right now, no man can hypnotize me.
And then he turns his head a fraction and sees me watching.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
“What it would be like,” he pauses, “to be him.”
I look away, my eyes burning. “And?” My voice shakes. I wipe a fallen tear, forcing the others back with a strong inhale.
When he doesn’t reply, I glance at him again. He stares, haunted, at the ground, as though picturing the alternate reality. Does it really look that bad? The door closes, and we both flinch, waking from the reverie.
I pull a woolen blanket tighter around my body, hiding beneath the soft fabric. I lose the courage to meet my sister’s gaze, and I listen to the familiar clap of her heels on the hardwood. The noise dies off as she steps onto the living room rug.
“Why didn’t you take her to the hospital?” Rose accuses.
“It’s complicated,” Connor says.
“It’s not complicated, Richard,” she spits. “My little sister was just attacked. She needs to be checked out.”
I take a small breath and risk a glance. Wearing a fur coat and chapped lips from the chill outside, her usual cold demeanor has been undeniably fractured with something more human. She cares. I’ve always known that, but others wouldn’t be so quick to see it.
“I’m okay,” I tell her, believing it too. “He didn’t get that far.”
To avoid a surge of emotion, she clenches her teeth hard, staring at me like I’ve suddenly come undone. But I don’t feel how she sees me. I’m okay. Honestly.
“I’m okay,” I repeat, just so she understands.
Rose holds up a finger to pause the talk. She turns to Connor. “Where’s Lo?” She clears her throat, choked.
I chime in, on an automatic setting. “He’s asleep.”
“Unconscious,” Connor corrects me.
Ryke stands. “Connor and I found Lily. Lo was…” drinking himself to sleep. He shakes his head, more upset than I thought possible. “I’ll go check on him.” Ryke pads off. And then there were three.
Rose looks back to Connor. “What was Lo doing?”
“Nothing,” I cut in. “Honestly, it’s fine. I’m okay. He’s okay. You guys don’t need to be here.” We can handle this. We’ve handled so much already. How is this any different?
Rose ignores me and waits for Connor to answer.
“He was drinking at the bar, getting wasted.”
Rose shakes her head almost immediately, disbelieving. “No. He doesn’t drink that much anymore, and he wouldn’t leave Lily. They’re always together.”
Connor frowns. “Are we talking about the same Loren Hale?”
I suck in a breath. “Stop,” I say. “Please! It’s fine.” But it’s like they’ve put my voice on mute. My head spins. Is this what free-falling feels like?