‘I’m working on him. Most men would be overjoyed for an opportunity like this. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.’
‘Ah, Claire … You and Adam are very lucky. Don’t ruin it.’
‘Stop worrying, it’s all grand!’
45
‘I knew she was drinking a lot.’ Gemma Kaye held a tissue to her eyes. ‘Too much.’ This poor woman was the mother of Harlie’s friend Tegan. ‘But I never thought she would die.’
I cleared my throat; this was extremely painful to hear.
‘The guards coming to our door that Sunday morning.’ She choked. ‘It was the worst moment of my life.’
Who knew what kind of woman she’d been before her life was upended so tragically? But it was clear now that she’d experienced something devastating. She was a study in neglect – her clothes hung loose and her skin was grey and dusty.
‘Harlie.’ And she was pleading. ‘If you can’t stop for yourself, could you stop for your mum and dad? I wouldn’t want another person to go through what I’m enduring. Darragh – my husband – has been off work since. He’s on tablets. I’ll tell you now, love, we’ll never get over this.’
Harlie’s face was as closed as a slab of granite and panic froze me – what if I couldn’t get any further with her?
‘If I’d been given the choice, I’d have died instead,’ Gemma said. ‘If it wasn’t for Darragh, I would be dead.’
Trassa was openly weeping – and something was going on with Chalkie. His mouth was clamped shut, his eyes bulged and he looked … appalled?
‘Harlie, you’re young,’ Gemma pleaded. ‘You can’t imagine what it’s like to be a mother and to lose your little girl. There’s nothing worse, I can tell you that now.’
Oh God, now I was about to cry.
‘I loved her so much, I’ll always love her, she’ll always be my little girl and this pain will never leave me.’
Abruptly, I stood up. That was enough – for all of us. And it would be cruel to put Gemma through any more. I took her for a cup of tea, and when she was able, I folded her into a taxi and sent her home.
As I came back in, Brianna accosted me. ‘Chalkie’s looking for you. He’s out the back, having a cigarette.’
I found him standing alone in the garden, a cluster of other smokers giving him concerned looks.
‘Chalkie?’
Oh my God, the look in his eyes.
‘Come with me.’ I led him to the nicest of the consulting rooms. ‘Sit down.’
‘I can’t.’ His jaw was clenched.
‘What’s going on, Chalkie?’
‘Listening to that woman.’ He paced back and forth. ‘The way she loved her young one. I started thinking about my ma. She just … fucked off and left me. I wasn’t even three years of fucking age, Rachel.’
‘You’re angry.’ And about time.
‘I’m fucking …’ He almost growled, ‘If she was here now, I’d fucking kill her.’
‘You think she didn’t love you?’
‘Obviously fucking not.’ He was in so much pain that it was difficult to watch. ‘If she’d loved me enough, she wouldn’t have died.’
‘Even though you know how powerful addiction is, Chalkie? When you’re in the grip of it, you’ve no choice.’
‘Yeh. That’s the sickener – how can I be angry when I’m a junkie too? But I am, Rachel, I fucking am.’
‘You know you’re allowed to feel this way, right?’
He rolled his eyes. ‘People – professionals, like – tell me I’m a junkie because of the great big hole where my ma should be.’
‘And?’
‘Too simplistic. “Looking for home.” It’s the obvious conclusion, amirite? But today that woman was talking and this feeling was coming – rushing in, like – and I thought I was going to puke.’
‘The feeling was …？’
‘Rage. I’m fucking raging, Rachel. I want to kill someone. No. I want to walk out that gate, go into town, buy a big bag of gear and whack it into my veins.’
‘But you won’t. Not on my watch.’
‘I’m serious.’ He looked frantic. ‘I don’t want to but I can’t cope with these feelings. I have to do something.’
‘Okay.’ I picked up the phone and called Brianna. ‘Find Giles. Bring him to room seven, thanks.’