All the downy hairs on my arms stood up – this was exactly what Luke had said to me last night. If I believed Caleb – and I did – surely I should believe Luke?
If my ducklings thought they’d get an easy afternoon because it was Friday, they were in for another think: Ella’s boss, Boyd Heffernan, had arrived.
Late thirties, dressed in a suit and tie and already balding, he was a very different proposition to Ella’s boyfriend Jonah.
From the couple of chats we’d had, Boyd struck me as a man who’d expected great things from his life, only for it all to veer off into tedious mediocrity. Whatever dysfunctional thing he had going on with Ella, he was hanging a lot of hope on it.
When I led him into group, Ella’s head snapped up and visible sweat popped on her skin. From the looks of her, there was a real chance she might faint.
I asked Boyd to introduce himself.
‘I’m Ella’s line manager at work,’ he said. ‘We’re also in a relationship.’
An audible shock moved through the group and Dennis blurted out, ‘What about the other lad?’ Then, with a mortified squeak, ‘Sorry, son, don’t mind me.’
‘Are you talking about Jonah?’ Boyd asked. ‘Because they’ve finished. She’s just waiting for the right time to leave.’
I was certain that that would have come as news to Jonah.
Boyd looked at Ella, waiting for her to back him up, but she was slumped and floppy, unable to speak.
‘Has she ever asked you to get sleeping tablets for her?’ I asked.
‘Um, yeah. You know she was mugged and then she couldn’t sleep? So about five months ago her own doctor cut off her supply.’
That wasn’t true but I let it pass for the moment.
‘About five months ago, wasn’t it, hon?’ Boyd consulted Ella, who managed a dazed nod.
‘She couldn’t cope without the tablets – she asked if I could get some. I went to my GP, said I couldn’t sleep, got a two-month supply. Gave them to her. I know it sounds wrong, but she was suffering and I could help. I’m okay with it.’
‘Did you do it with other doctors?’
‘No …’
‘“But”？’ There was something there that I hadn’t expected.
‘… not in Ireland. But I travel a lot for work, often to cities in the US. There are doctors who take care of hotel guests and they’re okay about giving out prescriptions for sleeping pills.’
Out of nowhere I went hot-cold. ‘How, erm …？’ Panic flashed through me. ‘How often did you do this?’
From a long way away, I watched Boyd shrug. ‘I think, five times.’
‘Those doctors …’ I had to clear my throat and start again. ‘Those doctors are expensive, though?’ I was freestyling now, we hadn’t rehearsed this. And whatever was going on with me had to be parked for the rest of this session; my duty was to Ella.
With an enormous effort, I pulled myself back into my body, back into the room.
‘Who paid the doctors?’ I asked Boyd.
‘Ah, yeah, I did.’
‘Did Ella pay you back? No? Why was that?’
Everyone turned to Ella, who said, ‘Mmm, I don’t … Boyd, did you ever ask me for the money?’
‘I don’t know.’ His cheekbones pinkened. ‘Maybe I forgot.’
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He was crazy about her. She had no interest in him but as long as he continued to be useful, she’d keep sleeping with him. The most painful part was that he suspected it himself.
‘Boyd, you did several things of dubious legality.’ Now I was back in my groove. ‘Which cost you a lot of money. Why was that?’
‘Because I love her. We love each other. She was in a bad way and I was able to help. It was a no-brainer.’
‘Ella was taking pills which hadn’t been prescribed by her doctor. No single doctor knew the quantity she was taking. She could have accidentally overdosed. Weren’t you worried?’
‘I was more worried about what would happen if she didn’t have the tablets. She talked about suicide.’
‘Boyd, you’re under no obligation to answer.’ I tried to be gentle. ‘But are you married?’
‘Y-yes.’ He cast a look at Ella. ‘Yes. But I’m leaving my wife.’
‘When?’
‘When Ella is …’ He watched Ella, searching for a sign from her. But her eyes remained downcast. ‘When Ella is … ready?’