My gratitude was immense, so much so that it made me dizzy. I lay back down for several minutes, in order to absorb it.
Eventually I got moving again and was rummaging in my drawer, hunting for anti-slip socks, when my phone beeped with a text – someone was awake early.
Just checking … that you haven’t forgotten to send me photos of Yara’s tree. L x
As if. I’d been standing at the tree, almost muttering incantations, to bring on the flowers.
Haven’t forgotten, but it’s taking forever. Maybe next week?
Fingers crossed x
Breathlessly, I watched the phone, waiting for a reply.
Send a pic today anyway? x
K. Or I could FaceTime you rn? Give you not-very-exciting action shots? x
Do it! X
As I raced down the stairs and out into the garden, desperately pressing icons, Luke’s face appeared on screen.
‘Hey.’ I was thrilled by the sight of him.
‘Hey, yourself.’ He looked shy. ‘Is this okay?’
‘It’s perfect. What time is it there?’
‘Just gone midnight.’
‘Last night?’
‘Yeah.’ He laughed. ‘Last night. Is that Crunchie?’
Crunchie, picking up on my mood, was barking and racing around in excited circles. ‘You remember Luke?’ I showed her the screen. ‘You liked him.’
‘I liked her too,’ I heard Luke say.
‘So.’ I moved around the tree, displaying the little buds from all angles. ‘There isn’t much to see right now. But another week or ten days should do it. I’m sorry, it’s slower this year. So I’ll do some shots or … I could call you?’
‘Call me! That would be great. Hey, I’m not … holding you up, am I? You need to get going?’
‘Not at all.’ Feck the yoga class …
‘So … stay and talk to me? For a few minutes?’
‘Um. Sure.’ I sat cross-legged on the grass, Crunchie head-butting her way onto the screen.
‘Having a good weekend?’ Luke asked.
‘Busy! Yesterday morning Claire and I went for a hike, then I planted nasturtiums, poppies.’ I stood up and walked towards a flower bed. ‘I’ll show you. See. Cornflowers. These here are sunflowers, not so impressive today but they will be at some stage. Today I’ve an NA meeting, then Margaret’s birthday brunch. You?’
‘Just … stuff.’ He went a little cagey. Kallie stuff, I guessed. It hurt.
Don’t be like that.
Yara was right. So, in a place deep down in me, a transaction took place: I had no right to feel jealous of Kallie. Luke had offered me friendship and it was something I wanted.
It was no real surprise that I was caught up in fantasies about him – those nine hours with him had been transcendent. But …
… it will pass.
‘Tell me’， he said, ‘all about you being a gardener now!’
I sat again, Crunchie bounding into my lap. ‘It was a total accident. When I was staying with Garvaret –’
‘Who?’
‘Garv and Margaret. I lived with them after I left New York.’ I’d said the words and, crucially, said them without bitterness – this friendship thing with Luke was working. ‘Garv is a great gardener, he showed me the magic.’
‘And the magic is?’
‘Protecting my seedlings, watching them emerge from the earth, be beautiful, then die, then for more to grow in their place. It’s taken time for me to see it, but it helped me to live with her loss.’ Suddenly curious, I asked, ‘Did anything help you?’
‘Horse-riding.’ His certainty was unexpected. ‘Seriously, it saved me. Sometime during that second, awful year in Denver, I gave it a go. Straight away, I knew I’d found my thing.’
‘I’d assumed you started because of Kallie.’
‘Other way round. When I met her, I’d often spend whole weekends on the trails. She said she never saw me. She was right. But I was too … selfish, I guess, to compromise, so even though she was nervous of horses, she took lessons. Now she’s great.’
‘Wow. She’s determined.’
He laughed. He sounded warm. ‘She’s certainly that.’
‘Luke.’ I made myself say it. ‘It’s hard to think of you as selfish. That’s not the way you used to be.’
‘Aaah. Life.’ He looked sad. ‘Comes along and changes us … So. Who’ll be at Margaret’s birthday party?’