Garrett exhaled. ‘Thank God someone said it.’
‘Usually, two glasses in,’ Quin said. ‘I feel good, but right now life still feels …’
‘… too real. Totally.’ Shiv turned appraising eyes on me. ‘Must be how it is for Rachel all of the time.’
Once again I summoned my game smile. Sometimes I wondered about the energy I expended making drinkers feel okay about the fact that I didn’t drink. With all of that effort, I could have sailed around Ireland in a crate.
Quin was on his feet and opening a bottle of real wine. Gratefully the three drinkers gulped it down.
‘That’s more like it,’ Garrett gasped. He’d drained his glass. ‘Making up for lost time.’
‘We’ll try again with the other stuff,’ Shiv said. ‘But not tonight. And seriously, the dinner was great. Especially with it being vegetarian.’
‘Vegan,’ Quin said.
‘All of it?’
‘Yeah. Plant-based living. That’s me.’ Then, ‘Except for the times I’d prefer a rare steak –’
‘Me too.’
‘– but got to get with the programme, right?’
‘Right!’
They grinned at each other and, glad to see Quin in better form, I asked, with affection, ‘Why did you two ever split up?’
‘Because he was sleeping with my best friend’s sister.’
I knew that. It hadn’t been a real question.
‘You started it,’ Quin replied. ‘Sneaking off for long, flirty lunchtimes with your boss’s boss!’
They both laughed loudly and for a small, very scary, moment I wondered what I was doing with these people.
‘Are you going to meet him again?’ Quin asked. ‘Do you want to?’
I didn’t know. For the first time in a long time, I knew where to find Luke. I could corner him and all the conversations I’d had with him in my head I could have for real.
‘No … but … it might be a good idea if we talked out some of the bitterness. Look at you and Shiv, you get on great.’
‘Yeah, we’re friends, because there’s nothing left, no love.’
‘There’s no love between Luke and me either.’
The wound still hurt, but it was a shadow of what it once had been. ‘Maybe this is a chance to tidy up a painful part of my past? But I’m not going after him to try to make it happen.’
‘Okay.’ Suddenly he looked very tired. ‘Just keep me posted. And now I really need some sleep.’ He turned on his side and I hooked my arm around him, pulling myself tight against his back. In no time, he was snoring softly but even though I was absolutely exhausted, my head kept racing.
I couldn’t let Luke undermine the life I’d rebuilt. That moment earlier when I’d wondered what I was doing with Quin and the others? There couldn’t be a repeat of that.
Yes, Quin had flaws – so did I, so did everyone. No one on earth was perfect. Maybe even the Dalai Lama left the light on all night in the bathroom, keeping the fan running, even though he’d been repeatedly asked to turn it off when he’d finished cleaning his teeth.
It was absolutely okay to have moments when you thought, This person is a bit of an arse. It was normal. Quin wasn’t a perfect person – but Luke hadn’t been either. It had taken a long time to realize that, because I’d idealized everything about him. Which was why his behaviour at the end had seemed so unexpected and terrible.
When I finally got to sleep, it was probably no surprise that I dreamt about Luke and Yara. She was in his arms. His eyes were closed, his lips were pressed against her forehead and he was holding her with unbearable tenderness.
He was the first to notice me. His eyes opened and, silenced by shock, he stared straight into my soul.
Then, still in his arms, she turned to me and smiled.
24
Ah, for God’s sake! Patch Dooley had promised he’d be here at 9.15 a.m., it was now ten twenty-five, there was still no sign and no one was answering his phone.
Murdo was holding the fort for me in group, but I hadn’t expected to be so late. Just then, an old-looking, low-to-the-ground, brown Merc turned into the drive and bumped towards the house. Something about its energy told me it had no tax, no insurance, no suspension and had failed its last five NCTs. Dennis’s brother, I’d stake my life on it.
The car swung itself in, straddling two parking spots, then the driver’s door opened, releasing a cacophony of high-pitched barks, which ceased abruptly when the door slammed shut again.