‘Money, money, money, that’s all ye ever want!’ Dennis exploded.
‘We never asked for those cards,’ Joya exclaimed. ‘You gave them to us and of course we were psyched, don’t be cross with us for that. Then we found out it was bullshit. More bullshit.’
‘Can you tell Dennis what you’ve noticed about his drinking.’
Nervously, she said, ‘Sometimes we don’t see you for days, Dad. Then I get up to go to school and you’re lying on your face outside the house, passed out drunk. Always, the first thing I think is that he’s dead. It really scares me.’
Dennis looked stricken.
‘You’re never not drunk.’ Joya’s chin wobbled. ‘But the worst was I was out in town with my friends and we saw your car. A lady was driving, you were in the passenger seat and you looked lit. My friends … they were laughing. It was so embarrassing. I said you were giving the lady a driving lesson, that was why you weren’t driving. They didn’t believe me, but they said nothing because they felt so bad for me.’ She looked him in the eye. ‘I was ashamed of you, Dad. I wished I had a different dad. I’m sorry, Dad,’ she squeaked, and began to sob.
I asked her if she’d like to leave and she shook her head, so I turned to Juliet.
‘You’ve been married twenty-two years? When did you realize he was an alcoholic?’
‘He was always a drinker,’ she admitted. ‘But in the early days he was great fun. In later years, even when he’d get very drunk and make a show of us all, he could talk his way out of it – he could sell Magnums to the Eskimos. But maybe about five years ago, it changed.’
‘How?’
‘He’d always been Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The outside world got the chat and the jokes, but at home he had a terrible temper on him.’
‘I never laid a finger on you!’ Dennis declared.
‘You didn’t have to,’ Juliet said.
‘Dennis has told us …’ I referred to my notes. ‘“My wife is never satisfied. She’s always asking for things.”’
‘I have a job,’ Juliet said. ‘I earn my own money. I never ask him for anything. Not any more.’
‘But’， Dennis blustered, ‘you’re always whinging about wanting things done in the house.’
‘Like what?’ Juliet asked. ‘Like? What?’
‘Well, why wouldn’t you do Mrs Fallon’s laundry? You told me to do it.’
‘In the end, who did do Mrs Fallon’s laundry?’ Juliet’s eyes were narrowed and Dennis squirmed. Addressing me, Juliet said, ‘He’s a terrible husband and a terrible father – there are no boundaries or discipline, except for when he loses his temper. And he doesn’t come home at least three nights out of every seven.’
‘What is your wish for Dennis?’ I asked.
‘I don’t want him drinking himself to death on my watch.’
‘That won’t happen!’
‘Tell your daughters,’ Juliet said. ‘They’re the ones who love you. I don’t care any more. I’m ready to divorce you.’
‘Wait now!’ Dennis was the colour of parchment.
‘You don’t want Juliet to divorce you?’ I asked him.
‘I do not! She’s my wife!’
‘You love her?’
‘With my life!’
To Juliet, I said, ‘Do you know where he is on those nights he doesn’t come home?’
Juliet nodded.
‘I’m on Patch’s couch,’ Dennis said loudly.
‘Where does he stay?’ I prompted Juliet.
‘With the woman he was “giving driving lessons” to. Her name is Maudie Letter.’
‘That woman is an absolute lunatic! I helped her to fill out the forms for her mother’s home help and she turned into a bunny-boiler lunatic. She had me pestered.’
‘A bunny-boiler lunatic?’ I repeated back to him and waited for him to nod. Then I got to my feet and opened the door. Standing outside were Murdo and a blonde-haired woman, whom I invited into the room.
Maudie belied her homely name; she had a very cute Reese Witherspoon look about her.
Dennis was dumbfounded. When he could speak, he looked at me and yelled, ‘Rachel! Why did you bring them in on the same day?’
‘You think this is a coincidence?’ Juliet said. ‘The three of us came in the car together, we’re going to Harvey Nichols in Dundrum after this. By the way.’ She took Maudie’s left hand and demonstrated it to the room. ‘Congratulations are in order. Dennis is engaged!’