There was another scene that I really thought was telling in the film. It concerns the fact that even though my character lived on the streets for thirty days and had won the bet—my lawyers sell me out to my rival. I tell them, “You’ve been with me ten years. How could you turn on me? Where’s your sense of loyalty, honesty, decency?”
They respond: “Mr. Bolt…we’re lawyers.”
（I’m sure that didn’t sit well with some of the lawyers of the world!）
* * *
—
Near the end of the movie, Lesley Ann Warren’s character, Molly, has a wonderful speech, where she’s trying to motivate my character in the hospital as my health is touch-and-go:
Molly: I know you wanna give up, but you’re wrong. Even without money, life is good. No? What about when—when you didn’t eat for two days and then you had your first big meal at the mission? Wasn’t that good? Remember the other night? When we drank champagne and danced…and rolled around in rags? I know they’re only moments, but that’s all life is: just a bunch of moments. Most of them are lousy…but once in a while, you steal a good one. Come on. Come on back to me. Don’t be such a selfish bastard. You’re the only person I can stand!
By the end of it she’s crying and begs, “Don’t leave me. I love you. Please. Don’t leave me.”
Somehow the speech gets to me and I open my eyes and say, “Molly, you’re crying. What happened? Did somebody die?”
And through her tears she smiles and says, “No, somebody lived.”
* * *
—
I loved making Life Stinks. Every minute of it: living down in the slums, the rats, and the unrelenting smell of urine. I loved saying what I had to say about these courageous people who lived in alleys, in the gutter, who went to the mission for their dinner, and despite all of their adversity they were kind to one another. There was a sweetness about it. I felt it was a testament to the enduring human spirit.
I believe Life Stinks was also the best work I have ever done as an actor. One of my personal favorite moments of all my movies is in this one: I’m on the roof of an old warehouse in the slums. I’ve done thirty days’ living in garbage and filth. I’ve been a billionaire for the last twenty years, and now here I am penniless.
I go up to the roof and I say, “God, thirty days. A month.” And I began to cry. I’m just so happy and relieved that I did it.
And I say, “Thank you. Thank you, God.” And then I take a pause and I say, “I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you when I was rich.”
And then I just leave. It’s my favorite line because it’s both funny and touching.
* * *
—
It was a foolish and brave movie to make, and I’m lucky that even with the title Life Stinks, it actually broke even. Not only did it get its money back, but also, interestingly, foreign sales did very well—especially in Italy, where it was actually a big hit. Number one for six weeks running! Unbeknownst to me, but knownst to the Italians, I made a kind of Italian movie. I guess I joined De Sica and Fellini as a fellow filmmaker in speaking to the human condition.
Chapter 23
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Not many people know this, but Robin Hood: Men in Tights was not the first time I had fun with the legend of Robin Hood. In the mid-seventies, Norman Steinberg （who was one of the writers on Blazing Saddles） and two other writers, Norman Stiles and John Boni, came to me with an idea of a parody of Robin Hood. I liked the idea, so we turned it into a half-hour television comedy called When Things Were Rotten.
Dick Gautier played Robin Hood. I had seen him on the Broadway stage in Bye Bye Birdie as Conrad Birdie and he brought his wonderfully comic talent to the role. We rounded out the cast with Dick Van Patten, Bernie Kopell （the evil Siegfried from Get Smart）， Henry Polic, II, Richard Dimitri, and our Maid Marian was played by the lovely and talented Misty Rowe. The first season ran for thirteen episodes in 1975. We shot the episodes like we were making a film, as opposed to the three-camera sitcoms, which were much less expensive but didn’t have the same quality. The best one we did was with Sid Caesar as a guest star, playing the French ambassador. Our ratings weren’t bad, and we got some nice notices, so I thought the series was going to go places. And then, BANG! ABC decided it was too expensive to make and pulled the plug. The cancellation was sudden and unexpected.
I thought, They’re standing in line to see Mel Brooks movies, and I’m giving them free Mel Brooks on television and ABC just cancels it? Well, that’s show business. Ups and downs. We can only hope we get more ups than downs.