Dr. Seward: You just grabbed something from the table.
Renfield: I did not.
Dr. Seward: Yes, you did, I saw you, you put it in your mouth. I think it was an insect.
Renfield: [quickly covering up] Oh, that was a raspberry.
Dr. Seward: Raspberry? We’re not serving raspberries.
Renfield: Then it must have been a raisin. I guess it fell off the muffin. [He picks up a muffin and points to it.] There. Seems to be one missing.
Then Renfield sees a grasshopper on the ground and purposely drops his fork so he can bend down to get it. After some scrambling around under the table he returns to his seat with the grasshopper’s leg still sticking out of the corner of his mouth.
Dr. Seward: My god, man! You’re eating insects right from the ground!
Renfield: What makes you say that?
Dr. Seward: Because I can see one trying to get out of your mouth!
Renfield: [speaking around the grasshopper leg] Out of my mouth?
Dr. Seward: Yes, out of your mouth! Your very own mouth—it’s wriggling about!
Renfield: Don’t be ridiculous. Wriggling?
Dr. Seward: I’m not ridiculous at all! It’s wriggling all over the place; the poor thing is fighting for its life!
It was one of the wackiest scenes in the whole movie, topped only by Lucy’s staking scene. Lucy, best friend to Mina, played by the lovely Lysette Anthony, was bitten by Count Dracula and thus becomes a vampire. My character Van Helsing knows she needs to be destroyed, so accompanied by Steven Weber’s Jonathan Harker, we sneak into her mausoleum at midnight to do the dirty terrible job.
Jonathan Harker: [looking at Lucy in her coffin] My god…now she’s dead.
Van Helsing: No she’s not.
Jonathan Harker: She’s alive?
Van Helsing: She’s Nosferatu.
Jonathan Harker: She’s Italian?
Van Helsing: …No. It means the undead. She’s cursed to spend eternity in misery. Hunting the living like a wild animal.
Jonathan Harker: What should we do?
Van Helsing: For the sake of her eternal soul we must destroy her. The only way is to drive a wooden stake through her heart.
Jonathan Harker: Oh, that’s horrible. Is there no other way?
Van Helsing: One other. We could cut off her head, stuff her mouth with garlic, and tear off her ears!
Jonathan Harker: [after a moment’s thought]…Give me the stake. [He pauses again.] No. No, I can’t do it…You do it!
Van Helsing: No, it must be done by one who loved her in life!
Jonathan Harker: I only liked her!
Van Helsing: Close enough! Here—
He hands him a pointed wooden stake and a huge mallet.
Van Helsing: …Now place the point of the stake directly over her heart and hit as hard as you can.
Harker raises the mallet high in preparation, and before he can bring it down Van Helsing shouts, “Wait!” stopping him. Van Helsing then runs and hides behind a huge pillar in the mausoleum. Once his body is totally shielded, he shouts, “NOW!” Harker smashes the stake into Lucy with the mallet and an enormous geyser of blood gushes up from the coffin and completely soaks him from head to toe.
Jonathan Harker: Oh…my…GOD! There’s so much blood!
Van Helsing: [from behind the pillar] She just ate!
Jonathan Harker: [peering into the coffin] Oh! She’s still alive!
Van Helsing: Hit her again!
Jonathan Harker: No, no, I can’t.
Van Helsing: How much blood can she have left?
Harker sighs in resignation and with all his might once again brings the mallet down onto the stake. Unbelievably, an even larger fountain of blood erupts from the coffin, drenching Harker in a shower of blood for the second time. He throws up his hands in exasperation and mutters in disgust. Van Helsing creeps out from behind the pillar and peeks into Lucy’s coffin.
Van Helsing: She’s almost dead.
Jonathan Harker: [after a long pause]…She’s dead enough.
Harker throws down the mallet and tries desperately to wipe the blood off his face.
Jonathan Harker: Oh! This is—this is ghastly!
Van Helsing: Yes, you’re right. We should have put newspapers down!
Jonathan Harker: Oh, what have I done? What have I done to poor Lucy?
Van Helsing: You have released her, my boy. Now she sleeps in peace. Forever. Here—
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small white handkerchief.
Van Helsing: Clean yourself up.
Jonathan Harker: [taking the handkerchief] Thank you. Oh, poor Lucy! Poor poor Lucy! Here—
He goes to hand the handkerchief back to Van Helsing. Van Helsing looks at the now completely blood-soaked handkerchief and says: