She laughed and shouted back, “Who the hell are you?”
I said, “I’m Mel Brooks! Nobody you’ve ever heard of!”
She said, “Wrong! I’ve got your 2000 Year Old Man record with Carl Reiner. It’s great.”
That was the beginning.
After Buddy got the key for their song he said, “Let’s go back to my place.”
And I said, “Forget it. I think I’m in love.”
I went backstage to see Anne. We started talking, and we never stopped.
I asked her, “What are you doing after this? Let’s go out for coffee.”
She said, “I’m sorry I have an appointment. I have to see my agent Bernie Seligman at the William Morris office.”
I said, “Bernie Seligman? I have to see him too! I promised to get back to him two weeks ago.”
That was the beginning of a string of lies that I never stopped telling, just to be wherever she was.
I said, “Let’s share a cab.”
When we hit the street I whistled for a taxi. She was really impressed with my whistle.
She said, “That’s the best taxi whistle I’ve ever heard.”
True or not, it struck a chord. That was February 5, 1961. A date I’ll never forget.
Every night that week I checked on where she would be. I found out who her friends were, and I called them. For some reason they trusted me and actually told me her whereabouts.
I’d show up at a restaurant she was at or a nightclub or I’d even wangle my way into a big party if she was going to be there. By the end of the week I said to her, “It’s amazing! We’re always showing up at the same places! It’s kismet!”
She laughed and shouted back, “It’s not kismet. You’re stalking me! If you wanna see me why don’t you be brave and ask me for a date?”
So I did. She said yes, and I saw her almost every night.
She loved foreign movies; I loved foreign movies. She loved Chinese food; I loved Chinese food. Which leads me to a pretty funny story. Like I said, we saw each other almost every night and after a while I told her that we couldn’t go to fancy places because I was simply not earning a lot of money at that time. As a matter of fact, even though I was writing a show for Broadway, you don’t see any money for that until the show actually opens.
Anne and me sharing a moment.
So one night when we went to a Chinese restaurant I was running low on cash. In those days, one of the least expensive dinners out was at a Chinese restaurant. Knowing my financial situation, when the check arrived Anne slipped me a twenty-dollar bill under the table. The check came to about eleven or twelve bucks. I gave the waiter the twenty dollars and said expansively, “Keep the change.”
When we got outside, Anne hauled off and smacked me!
“What?” I said. “What!”
“Listen, big shot, don’t leave such a big tip with my money!”
She could hit pretty hard, so I never did that again.
Even though she was already a very successful actress and used to going to the best places, she’d join me anywhere that I could afford. I remember one night she said, “Don’t worry. I believe in you. You’re talented. You’re gonna go places…you won’t always be poor.”
* * *
—
Like I said, this was not a great time for me as far as making money was concerned. I took almost any job I could get. One of the more interesting ones was doing the voiceover for a commercial for Bic Banana, which was the name of their new pen. It went like this:
“Don’t write with a peach. If you write with a peach, you’ll get a very wet letter. Don’t write with a prune. Words will come out wrinkled and dopey. Let’s face it, the only fruit you can write with is a banana. The Bic Banana. A fine line marker. Not to be confused with a ballpoint. Writing a letter to your son, right? Right. Usually I write, “Dear son, how are you? I’m fine.” Write that same letter with a Bic Banana and you’ll get: “Dear Sonny, I miss your face, Mom.” See what a nice letter it writes? And it comes in colors. Most fruits only come in one color except grapes, which come in two colors and of course, pits and pitless. Look, if you’ve got to write with a fruit, write with a Bic Banana! It’s only twenty-nine cents. Your best buy in writing fruit. The Bic Banana. A different way to write!”
Commercials were a lifesaver. The next one I did was a lot of fun. It was a Ballantine Beer commercial with Dick Cavett. I did a takeoff on my 2000 Year Old Man, called the 2500 Year Old Brewmaster, and Dick interviewed me. We really hit it off well; we had great chemistry between us.