And maybe… this was my goodbye to at least part of the past. Closing all the opened chapters that hadn’t been completed. I had so much going for me. So much joy just waiting around. Like with the end of my relationship, I had so much I was leaving behind to start over with all these new possibilities. I had people who cared about me again, who worried for me, and they didn’t care about who I knew or how much money I had or what I could do for them.
So maybe it could be like I’d thought before. You could start over any day of the week, at any time of the year, at any point in your life, and it was fine.
And I kept that thought in my head as I kept climbing, another hour after hour went by; my calves cramped, and I stopped briefly again to take some magnesium capsules I’d brought along. For all I tried to jump rope, my thighs burned like a son of a bitch too, and I was going through my water faster than I’d expected, but I’d planned for that too and could refill at a stream or the lake, even though the water would taste like butthole. I didn’t want to get altitude sickness more than I disliked the taste of filtered water, so tough shit.
The scenery changed and changed, and I marveled at the beauty and greenery around. And maybe it was because I was too busy admiring everything and thinking that life was going to be okay that I didn’t notice the sky. Didn’t see the dark clouds that had started rolling in until a flash of lightning and a boom of thunder cracked across what had been clear skies, scaring the shit out of me.
I literally yelped and ran toward the closest collection of trees, crouching down a second before the rain started. Luckily, Clara had warned me to take a tarp with me on long hikes, and I covered myself with it, pulling Rhodes’s rain jacket on too for extra protection. I was still sitting there when hail started pelting everything.
But I stayed optimistic. I knew this was just part of it. I’d gotten hailed on once or twice before. It never lasted long, and this time was no exception.
I started again, kept pushing, getting tired, but no big deal. It didn’t rain long enough for it to be muddy, but simply damp.
I crossed a sketchy section and the ridge that had tried to assassinate me last time, that I pretty much had to scramble over, and that’s when I knew I didn’t have much further left. I was almost there. An hour maximum. I checked my phone, saw I had service, and sent out a couple of texts.
The first was to Rhodes.
Me: Made it to the ridge. Everything is good. I’ll text you on the way back.
Then I sent one to Clara that was basically the same.
That’s when an incoming message came through from Amos.
Amos: Did you go do the hike by yourself?
Me: Yessss. I made it to the ridge. Everything is good.
I didn’t even get a chance to put my phone on airplane mode again when another message came through from him.
Amos: Are you nuts?
Well, I guess I might as well sit here another minute. I could use the break. So I texted him back, propped my butt on the nearest rock, and figured five more minutes wouldn’t kill me.
Me: Not yet
Amos: I could’ve gone with you
Me: Do you remember how miserable you were when we did four miles?
I took out a precious granola bar and ate half in a bite, peeking at the skies. Where the hell had these clouds come from? I knew they rolled in uncalled for, but…
Another message came through while I was chewing.
Amos: You’re not supposed to do it by yourself!!!
He was using exclamation marks.
He loved me.
Amos: Does dad know????
Me: He knows. I called him, but he didn’t answer. I promise I’m okay.
I finished off the rest of my bar in another bite, slipped the wrapper into a grocery store bag I was using for trash, and when I hadn’t gotten a response from Amos again or Clara, or anyone, I got up—my lower body crying in frustration from how tired it already was—and kept on going.
The next hour fucking sucked ass. I thought I was fit, thought I could handle this shit.
But I was exhausted.
Just thinking about the hike back made my enthusiasm disappear.
But I was doing this for Mom, and I was here and fuck if I wasn’t going to finish this. This lake better be the greatest thing I’d ever seen.
I kept going and going.
At one point, I caught a flicker of what I figured had to be the lake in the distance, shiny and mirrorlike.
But with each step I took, the clouds got darker and darker.
It started pouring again, and I took out my wet tarp and hunkered under a tree with it.
But this time, it didn’t clear up after five minutes.