That was the first time I smiled all day.
*
My heart kept on feeling pretty heavy, despite Clara’s assurance I’d be forgiven.
I knew it was my fault. My pride had kicked the shit out of me, and that was the most frustrating part, that I couldn’t blame anybody else.
And my heart kept on hurting even more as I turned into the driveway and saw the ruts in the snow from wide tires. Because I knew what it meant. Rhodes was home.
As in, he’d literally just gotten home too. Seconds before me.
I knew that because I found him getting out of his truck as I pulled into the area that he’d plowed around my car Christmas morning when he’d dug us all out of the snow since the forecast hadn’t called for much more.
Reluctant hope kind of sprouted inside of me as I put my car into park and reached to grab my bag. But just as quickly as its little roots had sprouted, they shriveled up. He didn’t look at me. Not once as he slammed his door closed and stubbornly kept his attention straight ahead, refusing to focus down… or on me. I waited in my car, watching, hoping and praying he’d turn around and just… glance over.
But that wasn’t what happened.
I swallowed.
He didn’t need to do anything he didn’t want to.
He was mad at me, and I just had to live with it. Clara was right. He would eventually forgive me. I hoped. Amos, I wasn’t so sure about but… we’d figure it out. I hoped too. I really did owe them time at least to accept it and hopefully see things from my perspective… even if this was just about exactly what I’d wanted to avoid.
Up the stairs I went.
I put some things into my duffel bag for tonight and tomorrow morning. I knew it was a little immature, but I hadn’t put the jacket that Rhodes had bought me on that morning, instead using my thinner one, and I left it where it was on top of the mattress. And yeah, I hadn’t worn the boots either, and I left them on the side of the bed too.
They could be mad, but I could have my feelings hurt too, right? I was tired of people just… not talking to me anymore. Just letting me leave. It sucked, plain and simple. Maybe I’d gotten over a lot of things over the last year and a half, but the betrayal of not just the Joneses but my “friends” too stung the hardest.
So yes, chances were I was being extra sensitive, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. There were only so many emotions you could talk yourself out of, and this ache wasn’t one of them.
Finally ready to leave, I clutched my keys as I circled toward my car and tossed my bag in the back. I happened to look up toward the deck and found Amos standing there, watching me through the window. I lifted my hand and ducked into the car. I didn’t wait for him to greet me back; I couldn’t handle having him blatantly ignore me.
Then I left.
Chapter 30
I’d be a lying son of a bitch if I said that a couple of tears didn’t sneak out of my eyes on the way to Clara’s.
Wiping at my face when one of them brushed the side of my mouth, I listened to the navigation warn about an upcoming right turn and immediately get cut off when a call came through.
The screen showed “TOBER RHODES CALLING.”
Was he calling to tell me bad news? To tell me to move out? Dread wrapped its fingers around my stomach, but I forced myself to hit the answer button. I’d already learned the hard way what happened when I tried to avoid bad things.
Might as well embrace them and get them over it.
“Hello?” Even I could hear the uneasiness in my soul.
“Where are you?” came the rough voice.
“Hi, Rhodes,” I said quietly, more quietly than I thought I’d ever talked to him before. “I’m driving.”
He didn’t say hi back; what he did say was a curt, “I know you’re driving. Where are you going?”
His Navy Voice was back, and I didn’t know what that meant. “Why?”
“Why?”
I sucked in a breath through my nose. “Yeah. Why are you asking?” I had to just… face it. If he wanted to tell me to get my things and leave, even though I didn’t think that was something he’d want to do, might as well find out now.
That made my stomach clench painfully.
He took a breath so loud and haggard, I was surprised it didn’t blow me away even over Bluetooth. “Aurora…”
“Rhodes.”
He muttered under his breath, then seemed like he pulled his phone away from his mouth to say something to who I could only imagine was Amos before coming back on the line and repeating the same question. “Where are you going?”