“You were in love with her, weren’t you?” she said, and her voice, almost to her own surprise, was full of pity. “That’s what this is all about.”
Von Sternburg gazed back with a look that shattered her.
“There was a time when I hated her because I thought she had betrayed me,” he said. “And then a time, just as the war was ending, before I even had the chance to find her again, when I learned from a newspaper that she was dead of influenza, and I grieved for her and what we had lost. And then I came to understand, and to forgive.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“Haven’t I?” He smiled. “The answer is yes. We were very much in love. And I have never forgiven myself for losing her.”
When the children were asleep at last, tucked into their pallets downstairs, Daisy climbed the hatchway stairs to Kit’s bedroom, which was now their bedroom, as if they were a family together in a very small home.
He was awake. “Everything quiet?” he said, opening the blanket for her.
“Yes, they’re both asleep.” She climbed in and yawned. The bed was made for only one person, and they had to lie almost on top of each other to fit inside it, which neither Kit nor Daisy minded. Especially now, when any moment might be their last. Already Kit’s hands were reaching under her camisole to find her breasts. She stretched her arms up and closed her eyes. The camisole slipped over her head. Kit was kissing her neck, her breasts, her stomach, and her skin came alive, as it always did, warming them both as he raised himself above her and joined them together in the cold, silent night. As they rocked against each other, he kissed her cheek and asked her why she was crying.
“It’s nothing,” she sobbed.
Kit went still and studied her. “It’s not nothing. Tell me.”
How could she tell him? If he knew about the child growing inside her, it would only make him frantic with worry. Her darling Kit, her second self, who loved her so deeply. So Daisy swallowed back her grief and wrapped her legs around him and urged him on. She knew how to drive him out of his mind; she knew how to make him forget whatever he was thinking and lose himself in her, in Daisy. They finished in a reckless burst and lay panting together, afraid they had made too much noise, afraid they had gone too fast, afraid they hadn’t gone fast enough. Kit was worried because she had left her diaphragm at the apartment. Daisy just snuggled deeper in the curve of his body and said not to worry so much.
“But if you have a child—”
“Don’t think about it, all right?”
“I can’t help thinking about it.” He took her hand and trapped it against his chest. “I can’t help thinking about what you said, the other day.”
“Oh, I say a lot of things. Don’t pay any attention to them.”
They lay silent. Daisy closed her eyes and felt the beat of her heart, the beat of his heart. The third heart beating in the bed with them, too tiny to be felt, known only to Daisy and God and Grandmère. Kit lifted his other hand and wriggled it. Daisy felt a smooth metal shape pass over her knuckle. She lifted her head.
“What’s this?”
“My ring. Now it’s yours. Our engagement ring.”
“Kit, don’t be foolish. It’s your family ring.”
“Exactly. If you can’t find me, you can go to my family. They’ll recognize it, they’ll help you with . . . well, with whatever you need. And after the war—”
“Kit, please. How can we speak of this? A thousand things could happen. It’s bad luck to—”
“Listen to me. A thousand things could happen, yes, but they won’t change this. This bond between us, how much I love you, that won’t change. After the war, as long as I’m alive, I’ll come for you. I’ll find you, wherever you are—”
“The Ritz,” she said. “We’ll meet at the Ritz. If we’re both still alive.”
“What if there is no Ritz?”
“There will always be a Ritz,” she said stoutly.
“Well, then. We shall meet at the Ritz, you and I, and never part again. We’ll marry and grow old together, surrounded by a dozen children and a pair of cantankerous swans. And this ring, Daisy, is my promise to you. That I’ll love you and go on loving you, whatever happens in the months to come. The years, if it comes to that. There’s no other woman in the world for me. There never could be, after you.”
Daisy just buried her face in his shoulder. She wished she could weep again, but her eyes just ached and ached and refused to shed any more tears. She thought, He’s here now. In this instant, we are together in this bed, and that’s all that matters, that’s enough for anyone.