“Isn’t it wonderful?” I ask.
“Yes, Professor,” they murmur. “Wonderful.”
“Isn’t it wonderful, Ellie?” I say, turning to Ellie. She’s showing a bit of cleavage today, I notice. Wearing lipstick too, a dark wine color.
“Yes, Professor,” she says. “I love the constellations so much.”
She smiles tremulously. Glowing as much as she humanly can. Trevor’s sitting beside her, I see. And look, he’s putting his hand on her shoulder. Are they dating now? They must be. He’s smiling at her a little even, a secret smile. One that suggests intimacy. Not unlike the smile Hugo gave me earlier when we passed each other in the hall and my insides immediately became fire. I look at Trevor, smiling at Ellie, patting her shoulder. Rubbing it, really. Did they fuck last night? I wonder. Was it Ellie’s first time? Perhaps Ellie was fucking Trevor while I was fucking Hugo. How amazing would that be? Each of us flushed and grinning in the spinning dark of our own overturned world. Our backs arched, our heads tilted, making inhuman sounds at the stars. Perhaps we both walked home without underwear last night. Singing a tune to the spring night that the sweet black air carried. The whole town heard our joy. We didn’t even feel our steps on the spongy earth so damp and green with growing things. We floated. We were so happy. We fell into our beds and we lay there grinning and grinning. Our faces hurt from happiness, and for once, we welcomed the pain.
“Isn’t it a bit early for the set?” Grace says now.
“What do you mean ‘a bit early’？”
“Tech week’s not until next week.”
Tech week. Aka the final week before the show. The week of madness. The week I always capitulate to the fact of Briana. The week I succumb to darkness, the floor of my office, death musings. The week I usually allow Grace to take over. But not this time, not this time.
“Around the corner, Grace. Around the corner. Plus this gives us a great advantage. Getting the set early, what an absolute gift. We have the set people to thank for their expediency, don’t we?”
I hear Grace cough. We have you to thank for fucking Hugo.
“And sound and lighting not too far behind,” I lie. “Luck,” I continue, “appears to be on our side in all things. Ahead of schedule. All of us off book. Just excellent. We’re in such excellent shape. We’re in better shape than we ever have been, wouldn’t you say so, Grace?”
I turn to look at Grace sitting in the audience seat in her hunting vest. Watching me now with an expression I can’t fathom. “Yes,” she says slowly. “I’d say so.”
“So let’s take a moment to congratulate ourselves a little, shall we?” I say. “I especially want to congratulate Ellie,” I say, turning toward her again. She’s turned predictably pink. Confidence, Ellie, confidence. “She stepped up to the lead so extraordinarily, wouldn’t you all agree?”
They all gaze at me for a moment. Then they nod slowly. Ellie stares intently at the floor. I put my arm around her.
“Not only did she learn all those new lines, but she also lived and breathed them for us every afternoon, didn’t she? It’s been such a joy to watch her blossom. So I want to announce that Ellie will be officially taking over the role of Helen.”
“What?” Grace says.
“Let’s all give her a hand, shall we?”
I clap first. Then Trevor. Then they all begin to follow suit, clapping for Ellie. Even Grace comes around, clapping slowly, reluctantly, pointedly. I wish you’d talked to me about this first, Miranda. But I just smile at Grace. I keep clapping and clapping. Because it really is such a joyous occasion. It calls for applause. Ellie looks up from the floor at last. Looks at us all, applauding her. Finally giving her her due. She’s overcome. Beaming now. She’s positively glowing. Glowing as I am glowing. Finally allowing herself an actual moment of happiness. So deserved.
We clap and clap and clap for Ellie. And she nods, thank you, thank you, thank you. But then her smile fades. Her face falls. Goes white.
“Ellie, what is it? Are you okay?”
But she doesn’t answer. She’s looking at something behind me. Not something, someone. Someone behind me.
And I already know before I turn around who it will be. So that when I turn around, I turn smilingly. No dread in my gut. Just this grin on my face. Happy. So happy to see her standing there. Leaning crookedly against the side entrance like the literal undead. Breathing shallowly. Her once burnished hair dull as dust. Staring at me with daggers in her dead-leaf eyes.