The hallway was dead silent. The midterm exam season was coming up soon, and no one was making a sound during evening classes. I headed to the library, carrying the box full of books I had left in the corner of the school gymnasium earlier that morning.
The door slid open with ease. As soon as it did, spirited shouts hit my ears. Haphaphaphap. I walked closer to the shelves and saw a girl in profile. One foot in front, the other foot behind her, she was switching her feet back and forth as she jumped in place. Her strides were quite wide, considering that she was jumping in place. Beads of sweat gathered on her nose, her hair fluttered, and our eyes met. It was Dora.
“Hi,” I said. It was polite to say hi first in these types of situations. Dora stopped. “I’m here to donate books.” I opened the box, answering a question she hadn’t asked.
“Just leave it there. I’m sure the librarians will organize the books for you,” she said.
“Aren’t you a student librarian?”
“I’m on the track team.”
“Does our school have an official track team?”
“Yes, although there’s no teacher in charge and I’m the only member.”
“Oh.” I slowly put down my half-open box in a corner.
“Where did you get all these books?”
I told her about the bookstore. Most of the books I’d brought were test-prep books. As test-prep books went in and out of fashion, outdated ones didn’t sell well unless they were famous.
“By the way,” I asked, “why are you practicing here and not in the gym?”
Dora had been walking with her hands clasped behind her back when she whipped around. “That place is too exposed. It’s quiet here. Kids barely come here, you know. And I need a basic workout to run faster.”
People’s eyes light up when they talk about things they love. Dora’s were radiant.
“What’s the running for?” I wasn’t asking with any specific intention. But her eyes were extinguished at once.
“Do you know you just asked the question I hate most? I’ve had it enough with my parents asking that.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to judge you, I just wanted to know your purpose. Your purpose for running.”
Dora let out a sigh. “To me, that’s like being asked, Why do you live? Do you live for any purpose? Let’s be honest, we just live because we’re alive. When things are great we’re happy, and when things aren’t, we cry. Same with running. I’ll be happy when I win, I’ll be sad when I don’t. When I feel I haven’t got it, I’ll blame myself or regret starting this in the first place. But then I’ll still run. Just because! Like living life. That’s all!”
Dora had started out calm but by the end she was almost shouting. I nodded to calm her down.
“Are your parents persuaded by that?”
“No, they just laugh at me. They say running is useless—there’s no need for it when I become an adult, other than for rushing to cross the street before the traffic light changes. Funny, right? They tell me I’m no Usain Bolt, so why bother running.” The corners of her mouth drooped.
“What do your parents want you to do?”
“No idea. Before, they said if I wanted to be an athlete so much, I should play golf because at least it has a chance of making money. But now, not even that. They just tell me not to embarrass them. It was their choice to have me, but that doesn’t mean that I have to accomplish the missions they’ve set up. They keep threatening me that I’ll regret this, but even if I do regret it, that’s my choice to make. I think I’m just living up to my name. They named me Dora, so I guess I just have to be a dorai, a ‘freak.’”
She smiled, as if she felt good after ranting. I was heading out of the library when she asked me where my bookstore was. I gave her the address and asked why she wanted to know.
She grinned. “Just in case they stop letting me practice here.”
54
My mock exam scores were always average. Math was my strongest subject, followed by science and social studies, which were okay. The problem was Korean. There were all these hidden meanings and nuances that I couldn’t catch. Why were the authors’ motives kept hidden so well? My guesses were always wrong.
Maybe understanding a language is like understanding the expressions and emotions of other people. That’s why they say small amygdalae often mean your intellectual level is lower. Because you can’t grasp the context, your reasoning skills are poor and so is your intellect. It was hard for me to accept my Korean grades. It was the subject I wanted to be best at, but it was my worst.